Best Man's Best Moment

There were three moments at Austin and Meagan's wedding that choked me up. On only one of those occasions was I able to maintain my composure, but on the other two I just had to let go. The first time I was moved to tears was when I saw Austin's eyes glisten and his facial expression convey the raw emotion of seeing his bride for the first time as she meekly and gracefully made her way down the aisle with father Eric in arm. I've already written (below) of my wonder about this point in the ceremony, and unquestionably welled up with tears of joy for the two of them. I don't think anyone could see my face at that moment.

The second time was when I watched Austin dance with his mother, my beautiful bride since 1982. The smiles on their faces, the way they looked at one another, and the tender touches each of them had sort of made me feel like time stood still for a split second or two. As I was caught up in the moment I suddenly noticed that my cheeks were wet with tears. When the dance was over, I looked over at my dear brother-in-law, Ricky (Victoria's older), and he too was beside himself. I'll never forget what he said at that moment while we both looked like blubbering dads, "He's just such a remarkable young gentleman." I couldn't say anything but acknowledge his observation and reflection with a tearful nod and an embrace.

The third moment came when I watched and listened to my younger son, Barret, give the Best Man speech. Of all of the men that Austin could have chosen to be his Best Man, he chose his younger brother. The mere act of extending such an honor to Barret was enough to make a dad (and a mom) proud, but when I heard Barret's speech I couldn't help but feel and know again the incredible kindness God has poured out to Victoria and me in all of our children. Barret was so nervous beforehand, so much so that he really couldn't enjoy his meal, but you would have never known by listening to his words and watching his affect. He was composed and confident, but most of all he expressed the true emotion that was stored up in his heart. After lifting a glass in honor of Austin and Meagan at Barret's prompting, I sipped a bit of champagne, put my glass down and swiftly walked over to give him a big hug. I had let my tears flow again without an ounce of shame, but rather an abundance of love. So, I thought I would share Barret's speech with all of you, knowing that it will obviously mean much more to me, Victoria, Annie, Austin and Meagan than anyone else, but just couldn't resist the opportunity to pass it along here.

"Well, this is the first time I have been a best man, let alone be in a wedding at all. I do get embarrassed fairly easily, but I couldn’t want to embarrass myself in any other circumstance than to commemorate these two wonderful people.

The first time I met Meagan was when Austin and I went fishing at the Lafayette Reservoir and Meagan and Natalie came along. Meagan claimed that there were no fish in the reservoir and Austin and I were determined to show her otherwise. One disappointing hour later...I regret to inform you, we failed to catch anything that day. While we were fishing I did notice that my brother was talking to Meagan with a twinkle in his eye. After knowing Austin my whole life and understanding the way he feels by simply looking at him, I could recognize his interest in her fairly easily. I could already sense that Austin even had a soft spot for Meagan and after our fishing when we walked back to the car, Austin asked me, “So Barret, what do you think of Meagan?” I knew right then that Austin was sheepishly in love with her.

Austin has been my friend for life and will continue to be forever. He has been the biggest role model in my life and honestly, I would be ecstatic to become half the man that he is today. We have shared a lot of great times together and he truly is the best brother and most of all, he’s my best friend. I wanted to think of an attribute of Austin that would be an example of the kind of loving husband that he will be, and I had a really hard time choosing just one. He has been an encouragement to me in so many different aspects. However, I think the most memorable experience for me is how much time and energy Austin sacrifices for others. There has never been one time when I have seen Austin and he has not taken at least a short time to spend solely with me. He has made sure that he always finds time to hang out with me and this is something that really has amazed me for a long time and it has meant more than anything to spend that important time with him. Because of this example, I know that Austin will set aside everything else for Meagan. She is his priority, and Meagan, I can tell you that he will very rarely not be able to devote time to you. I thank the Lord so much that Austin was given to me. I never knew whom Austin would end up with or what kind of person she would be like, I really didn’t, but I knew that my brother should be the happiest man on the face of the earth when he’s with her and I can tell you that I have experienced just that. I know that Meagan always makes him happy and because of that, I love Meagan so much as well. I truly could not have a better sister-in-law or brother.

I want to ask everyone here tonight to remember Austin and Meagan in your prayers. You can pray that Christ would be honored and that peace and loving-kindness would always endure in their home. I know that this would mean the world to Austin and Meagan. With that, I would like to ask everyone to raise their glass high for a toast, ...We thank God for his graciousness to Austin and Meagan, and putting them in each other’s lives, and we bless them with happiness only found in Jesus Christ for all the days of their lives."

Barret, we couldn't love you more or be more proud of you. Thank you for taking a risk, being willing to expose your transparency, and allow others to join in with your love for your older brother and new found sister-in-law.

We love you so much,

Dad (& Mom)

Pictures To Die For

So here's a link (below) to the professional photographer's blog pictures of the wedding day. What a remarkable gift he has, and what a remarkable thing technology is that we can share these creative shots with all of you so quickly after the wedding (just six days later).

http://www.kenkienow.com/blog/

If you have the time, you may want to sit back with a cup of "Joe" (coffee) or a nice glass of wine (depending upon what time of day it is), and watch this slide show (click on link below or at the right on their wedding picture) from Ken Kienow (photographer). They're stunning.

http://www.kenkienow.com/Slideshows/MeaganAustinWeddingSlideshow/

Thank you so much, Ken.

Warmly in Christ,

Tom (& Victoria)

Mr. & Mrs. Austin Kruggel

I have regularly debated in my own mind how I might write this next blog post immediately following the wedding of our first-born son, Austin, to our now wonderful daughter-in-law, Meagan. After experiencing the "magic" firsthand with all of the emotions that fly through your being both during and after that special day, it's almost impossible to try to capture any of it with mere words. Even today, five days after the ceremony, I find myself stupefied and flabbergasted. So there's a part of me that doesn't want to ruin it by even attempting to capture any of it here in this blog. Thus, I will choose my investment carefully and with reverent brevity. Perhaps with time I'll be in a less confounded place and better able to express myself.

There are a few moments and experiences in life that are commonly known as significant milestones. Some are fortunate enough to live to experience them, and many are not. Early in life they're simple things like birthdays and primary school graduations. Later they become more pronounced in our own minds, things like cultural age-marks that elevate you to a certain status (e.g., 16 and 21) and the completion of secondary or post-graduate studies. Your first boyfriend or girlfriend no doubt stand out. For those that have children, their entree into this world is clearly a highlight and a miraculous moment no matter how many you have or whether they're adopted. But in my own mind nothing quite compares to that moment when you look into the eyes of your beloved, that soul that God ordained for you for as long as you both shall live, and saying, "I do and will love you like none other for the rest of my life." That's mysterious, and that's indescribable. The Bible even states that "This mystery is great;" (Ephesians 5:32a), so it's no wonder that I'm at a loss for words. Aside from entering into marriage with Jesus, which that verse later describes ("... but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church."), I believe there's nothing greater.

And you know it's great when you see the look in your son's and future daughter-in-law's eyes as they gaze at one another as if the throngs of onlookers never existed. Nothing else in the world matters at that moment than being enraptured by your future wife or husband. There's not a happier, more fulfilling or exuberant experience in the whole of life. I remember it all too well, as if it were yesterday, in my own marriage to Victoria, and was flooded with memories when I watched my own flesh and blood encounter the magnificence of holy marriage. What joy, what peace, what contentment and what satisfaction. They're in love and all else in life is of secondary importance, as it should be.

I've been to a lot of weddings in my lifetime and, aside from the fact that I'm obviously biased, I've witnessed few that rival the Christ exalting, God honoring magnification that occurred at Austin and Meagan's. Above and beyond the masterful orchestration of the service itself and the gospel-centered message from the pastor, I think it was the way that Austin and Meagan handled and expressed themselves toward one another that was more glorious than anything else. When a man sees his bride in all of her beauty and majesty, and musters up all the energy he can to hold back the impulse to run down the aisle instead of patiently waiting for her to slowly come to him, and when the woman sees her bridegroom beaming with a grin from ear to ear and biting his quivering lip to keep from shedding tears of purest joy, that, and that alone is the most vivid manifestation of love, deep love that knows no bounds.

Thank you, Austin and Meagan, for giving me, all of the other parents and everyone else that saw what happened last Saturday a glimpse into heaven. What I witnessed was a foretaste of an expectant Jesus doing everything He possibly can to keep from rapturing His bride too early, and she, being more beautiful than I could ever possibly imagine in my most artistic moments of splendor. You and Meagan are a gift to me, Mom, Eric and Diane, and we thank you for submitting yourself to one another and to Jesus as you have. May God go before you.

Love,

Tom/Dad/Victoria/Mom (and Eric & Diane)

God's Formula = "x + 1"

This will be our last blog entry until we return from the Central California Coast following Austin & Meagan's wedding. Tomorrow morning we leave as a family of "x" and once again return as a Kruggel family of "x + 1", only this time not by birth or adoption, but by marriage. I believe we've now exhausted the ways to add numbers to our family surname. All of these methods are mere tangible expressions of the same manner God adds members to His family. We must be born ("You must be born again.", said Jesus in John 3:7b), we must be adopted ("He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself", said Paul in Ephesians 1:5a), and we must enter into marriage ("He who has the bride is the bridegroom," said John the Baptist in John 3:29a).

I have personally experienced all three of these physical modes of expanding a family; first born as a German, later adopted and naturalized, and now married. And it all started with the last first. "... a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24) And so it was with me when I first asked Victoria to be my bride while standing on that park side vista in Highland Park overlooking the Emerald City with a little diamond ring slipped over a long-stemmed red rose. And so it also was when an unassuming soul first introduced me to Jesus and He took me as His, never to leave my side or forsake His love. When I slipped that second ring over Victoria's finger several months after slipping the first on that crystal clear evening, I forever became hers. In the same way when I completely saw Jesus for who He was that very first time, He forever became mine. Birthing Austin, Annie and Barret, and adopting Poppy and Willow grew our family to what it is today, and marrying Meagan Kirkpatrick into Meagan Kruggel will grow it into what it forever shall be after May 23rd. There's now no separating any of us.

Every time a new member is added, we ask ourselves how this will impact the dynamics of our family or how our love can extend beyond the boundaries we currently know. And yet each time God has introduced another to the Kruggel name we find that we're more complete than we were before, and in similar fashion we find that our love stretches beyond our perceived capacities, much like a balloon filling with air to the point where you think it's going to pop but it just keeps accepting more. I'm beginning to believe there's no limit to man's love (or if there is it's yet to be pinnacled), just as there's no limit to God's. And yet I'd be a fool to think the two are comparable, and I'd also be a fool to think the two are separable. "We love, because He first loved us" (I John 4:19), and apart from Him the capacity to be like Him is unattainable.

God's formula for adding to His household is one by one, "x + 1". For as long as He prolongs our lives, our formula will also remain the same, believing that the limits are endless until He puts an end to our limit. So here's to Meagan Kirkpatrick, soon to be Meagan Kruggel. Welcome to our abode, and thank you for allowing us to love you as our own.

(Tom) The Kruggel Seven, + 1

Another List?

Austin,

When we were together in Colorado one week ago today, on the way up to the Rockies you asked me if I could share with you anything about my marriage to Mom that might help you in your marriage to Meagan. We talked about a lot of things that day and the day following, but I told you I'd do the best I could to try to record some of them for you. Well here they are, to the best of my recollection, and I've since thought of a few more as well (they are listed in no particular order of priority or importance):

1. Carefully choose the couples you decide to chum with in the early stages of your marriage. The influence of modeling from others has a strong shaping effect upon us, more than we probably give it credit for. Couples that desire to live their lives as a reflection of the relationship Jesus has with His bride (His loved ones) are the ones you should seek.
2. Establish habits early on that force you to focus upon one another in isolation from others. Mom and I had a few hang-outs we'd retreat to get away to allow our marriage to build a firm foundation. Some of those routines we still cherish today, and they've helped build strong roots that run deep into fertile soil.
3. Determine early on that you'll pray for your wife everyday. It doesn't have to be the same time each day, or even the same things (of course), but she needs more than your physical presence and affection; she also needs your spiritual commitment to her soul.
4. Don't commit yourselves to regular or demanding extra curricular activities during the first twelve months of your marriage. You should be selfish about your time with one another and jealous of interferences that prevent you from just being together for the sake of being together.
5. Never say a bad word about your wife to anyone. You must always uphold her dignity, character and purity. If you possess a concerning thought about her, deal with it on your own or directly with her. Remember that Jesus never once issued a critical remark to others about His loves, only gentle and compassionate rebukes directly and without apology.
6. Open yourself up to her immediately and often, sharing transparently your struggles and difficulties in life, but at the same time never allowing the strength of your leadership to come into question. It's a fine tightrope to walk, but your example will help her also be real with you and permit her to follow with respect and adoration.
7. Defer to her desires more often than you think you should, especially when it's evident that any hesitancy to do so is prompted by your own hedonistic propensities (and we all have them) to attend to yourself. Stop and ask yourself, "What is her request of me really costing but a fraction of the cost Jesus' love was expended for me?"
8. Cheerfully do things around the home that are traditionally thought of by others and our culture as "the wife's responsibility". There's no such thing in my "book". Wash dishes, vacuum the house, run errands, tend to the kids, change those messy diapers, get up at three in the morning to settle a restless child, and make a meal. She'll love you more for it, although that should never be your motive.
9. Buy things for her (and your children) before you ever think about spending money on yourself. This may come naturally for you, but you'll still have moments when you wish you could have just that one thing you've always longed for but never got it because there just isn't enough money to go around for everyone, the least of which is you. In the end, you'll be much happier in the long run anyway.
10. Learn quickly to lay down hobbies and desires that distract you from your wife and family. Don't get enmeshed in sports, activities, events, and the like that frequently and consistently pull you away from her, especially if they're things she's not particularly fond of. Besides, most of these things are fleeting anyway and you'll quickly learn that they're worth giving up.
11. Go to extra lengths to guard your eyes and your heart from darting to and fro. Everywhere you turn the world is tempting you to seek self pleasure at the expense of your wife. Don't go there or believe it; it's a lie and a deception masked in the idea that a little here and a little there won't hurt anyone. O' does it ever, not the least of which is your Savior and the one you've promised your fidelity to until you close your eyes and see your Jesus standing before you in heaven.
12. Give, give, give, and love, love, love until it hurts. When it starts to feel like it's costing you something, then you've arrived to the place you were always designed to be in relation to her. Remember it's never enough, and that's O. K., because when you start to feel like it is enough then you've just entered the "danger zone".

Gosh, Austin, now that I've started writing I feel the list could go on and on. But at the expense of repeating myself, I think I'll stop here. Most of these things I learned on my own (and have far from mastered by the way) by watching others, making tons of mistakes, listening to your wise mother and eventually becoming more intimately acquainted with Jesus. Know that I'm always available to you and would lay down anything for you to chat about your marriage to Meagan, both in the good and the hard times (and there will be some of the later because you're both human). Your Mom feels the same way, of course.

We're just one week away and we can't wait to joyously celebrate the holiness of this sacred event, and to watch you and Meagan join into the perfect design God created for the joy of His people and glory of His fame.

Mom & I Love You and Meagan (as does Annie, Barret, Poppy & Willow),

Dad

The Divide

Cruising up the Rockies to the Conti- nental Divide in Austin's pick-up truck, we decide to take a sharp left and head toward Cripple Creek, Colorado which is on the "back" side of Pike's Peak. Figuring it's another quaint, small town in the mountains, we're lured to divert and take another left weaving our way even further into the hills. A few more miles down the road we see a dirt road perfect for "off-roading", so we head down that way, suddenly finding ourselves in the perfect serenity we were searching for. Patchy clouds, mild temperatures, occasional gusty winds and budding Aspen's caught our darting eyes moving to and fro. "Austin, this far exceeds my expectations, and I couldn't think of a better place to be with you right now", I said to him. "I know, Dad. This is awesome", Austin replied. Shear drop offs into the valley floor to my right yield to streams flowing from fresh snow melt. About this time, Austin and I are thinking the same thing, "We've got to figure out a way to get down there and do some fishing." After venturing into the wilderness for several more miles, we find the perfect spot to park. After layering up with a few more articles of clothing, we head down toward the stream that we could hear flowing from the distance. Austin's got his fly rod and reel in tow and I've got a few munchies just in case we get hungry. We were determined to find fish, a spot to talk, a few of God's creations at their finest, and some place to pray.

The first beaver dam we came to created an eddy that pooled about ten feet across, fifteen feet up the stream and maybe two feet deep. With water as clear as glass we could see the river's floor as if there was no water at all. "Austin, there's got to be some fish in here", I said enthusiastically and hopefully. "Yeah Dad, but where are they?", he asked. We figured we better head further up the stream, and only about 50 meters or so away we found another beaver dam, only this one was perfectly crafted and undisturbed by the water's rushing. Still no fish. Then another dam, and then another, but to no avail. Finally we decided to try one more time by heading even further up stream and stumbled upon a beaver dam that was only partially damaged, but still sadly we couldn't find any fish. We figured it was simply too early in the season, so we sat down, ate a few snacks, and just talked about our favorite thing, our girls.

This was the sole purpose of my visit to see Austin just two weeks before he marries his sweet bride-to-be, Meagan. I figured this was it, my last opportunity to impart whatever little wisdom I had left and then let him go into manhood and independence. As we sat there, he asked me questions about his mother (Victoria) and my love for her, and I asked him questions about Meagan and his love. We had already shared many of those thoughts with each other on the drive up, but we just never ran out of talking material. Moments of silence were intertwined, neither one of us interrupting the other while quiet, comfortably knowing that it's just O. K. to not say anything for awhile. After sitting in that spot for some time, Austin said, "Dad, would you pray for me now." It was the perfect time, knowing that it just wasn't going to get any sweeter than that. I put my hand on his knee and slowly, but deliberately prayed for just about everything I could possible think to pray for him and Meagan. I sensed God's presence not only in my soul but also my surroundings. I kept my eyes closed the whole time and when I said, "Amen", Austin tapped my back and said, "Hey Dad, look!" Pointing his finger into the stream I could see what he was excited about, a perfect little mountain trout shooting from spot to spot across the river floor. It was almost as if the Lord placed him right there for our enjoyment. We smiled and said, "It's time to christen the new fly rod and reel." Austin wanted to pray for me before we threw a line into the water, so he laid his hand on my back and prayed. After his "Amen", I let him string his pole while I hunted for more fish. Sure enough, I then saw two little ones swimming synchronously together, almost symbolic of the content of our prayers. Austin crossed the stream, artistically flowing his line out with a simple, but light little fly on the end of the string, eventually working its way up the river with each fluid cast until I said, "Austin, right there is where those fish were." He then perfectly set that fly on top of that spot and "Whop!", the fish struck and he had his first one on. Reeling that one in, he happily posed for a picture (it was a baby one, but o' so beautifully colored), and then tried again. Sure enough another one locked on. He repeated this several times until he caught perhaps a half dozen or so. He then let me try, and I gleefully caught a few myself.

This is the crucible of fatherhood; reaching a point where you release your child (who's no longer a child any longer) into a place where you know they're totally and completely in God's hands. They're always His, but under our care we somehow think we have control, all the while forgetting that God was in control all along. My (our) job of "parenting" Austin is over, although we'll always be his parents. He'll now belong to another, as it should be, but we'll always think of him as our little "Austie".

Blessings to you our son, blessings.

Dad (& Mom)

Another Happy Mother's Day!

“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.” (Proverbs 31:10)

No one can find an excellent wife; they’re brought to him by the Almighty. That’s why, among many reasons, her worth is far above jewels. Anything the Lord supplies is invaluable and cannot be measured by any monetary system.

For me, my wife Victoria is a treasure chest so stuffed with ornaments that it cannot possibly be closed; it’s teeming with rubies, pearls and diamonds, all laden with gold. How do I know this? Let me list just a few of the ways:

1. I trust her with all of my heart. There isn’t one thing I wouldn’t share with her because she’s always upheld my character and constitution among the throngs, even when I’ve wronged her. For this I have no lack of gain, for what else could a man possibly desire than a wife with whom he has implicit faith to degrees that have no measure?

2. She’s always doing good by me, and never wrong. No doubt I’ve maltreated her at times, but she stands by me and upholds my role and my love in spite of my sometimes selfish sinfulness.

3. Victoria consistently cares for our home, our children and our well-being, especially when I’m away laboring to “bring home the bacon” so we can put food on the table, keep a roof over our heads, and wear clothing on our backs. I believe I have the easier job when it’s all said and done.

4. Planning for each day and week requires steadfast conscientiousness that cannot falter for a moment. Her organization to ensure each critical event of each critical day is cared for is a blessing I cannot begin to describe.

5. Her work is tireless, grinding, and often tedious. Yet she disciplines herself to uphold the place God has elevated her to in our family. Even when her physical stamina is at the brink, she presses on to give all of us what we need for our sustenance that day.

6. I’m often the first one to go to bed at night, not Victoria. And furthermore, she’s the one that rises early to prepare for the needs of the day for the entire family. Early to rise and late to slumber; her work is never done.

7. The demands of our family are demanding enough, but somehow she finds a way to enrich the lives of others from time to time, which are no doubt a blessing to them all. This is always an encouragement to me far beyond what her mind could imagine.

8. Victoria delivers a confident confidence in our Lord to our children, giving them the hope they need to live life that day in guaranteed expectation of God Almighty. She may not always verbalize this, but her actions speak much louder than words which resonate with our children more than she probably gives them credit for.

9. She speaks of my good and not my lack thereof. I never contemplate that others think unkindly toward me because of anything she’s said; rather I think they might think rightly of me because of what I’ve personally offended or haven’t done by my very own doing.

10. When Victoria speaks, others listen. She’s wise, dignified and honorable, giving our name and the name of our Lord a good repute as is fitting of a godly woman. Her wisdom is beyond her years.

11. Her beauty continues to become more refined because her fear of the Lord is waxing when time wanes. I see it and am more attracted to her with each passing day.

12. Our children rise up and bless her because she’s more than any child could ever possibly ask for. They’re blessed and they know it; it’s evident in their eyes, their hearts and their love.

Some may read this and think it’s self-aggrandizing. I don’t care, because I know the heart from whence it came. Our culture elevates all the wrong people; sports figures, movie stars, the rich and the famous. The real heroes of this world are the ones that silently invest in the generations to come, all the while rarely if ever receiving any public accolade or acknowledgment. This is, indeed, a very happy Mother’s Day, probably more so for my children and me than for her. Victoria’s full reward is in heaven, but for now I hope and pray that just a few of the spoils of that reward could be reaped if for only a moment, if not a day so that she knows without a shadow of a doubt that her labors are far from in vain.

Happy Mother’s Day, Sweetheart,

Tom

Gotcha!

Monday, May 4th, marked the one year anniversary of the day we first met our little Willow-tree on that mezzanine floor of a foreign hotel in Lanzhou, China (this day is typically known in the adoption world as "gotcha-day"). The moment is indelibly etched in our memories, as is the day we first met Qiao Qiao (Poppy) and my wife gave birth to Austin, Annie and Barret. We don't have to hesitate for a moment to state that they're some of the sweetest days of our lives. They're also some of the scariest, and for Victoria with our biological children perhaps some of the most physically painful.

Moments before we saw Xuan Xuan (Willow) for the first time, our hearts and minds were racing with all kinds of emotions and thoughts, ranging from giddy excitement to sheer terror. And for Willow, it was probably only the later. In fact, when that little girl peered around the corner of the hallway adjacent to the foyer while being held in the arms of her caregiver you could see caution and confusion written all over her face. Not a crack of a smile to be had, and just a stern stare into the eyes of Victoria, Barret, Poppy and me was all she could muster up. Tear-filled eyes soaked to the brim and a stiffened, rigid body aptly describe her affect, but she could only remain strong for so long until she just had to burst into crying as a reflection of her true feelings. She quickly gravitated to the one thing that makes her most comfortable in uncomfortable situations, and that was to explore her strange surroundings by toddling anywhere she could get to. An overly excited Poppy ran closely behind her asking loudly, "Can we keep her? Can we keep her?" When exploring wouldn't suffice, Wu Hui Xuan was most quickly attracted to and consoled by her new-found big brother, Barret.

A lot has happened for all of us since that eternally life-changing moment, but more so for Willow than for any other. We had established lives, a home and family we were familiar with and going back to. Willow had nothing but the hot yellow fleece garment she was clothed in; everything else she knew vaporized into only a memory. Today she's a whole new girl with cleft pallet repaired and an affectionate spirit that is 180 degrees counter to what she exhibited one year ago. The transformation is awe inspiring.

We believe in adoption because we believe in the power of love. And we believe in the power of love because we believe in the Source of that power and love. What else could possibly break through the self preserving and cocooning spirits of all of us to turn our lives upside down for the sake of another? What else could take a planned course for our future and force a left hand turn down the road less traveled? What else could generate enough energy to start all over again when it's time to start thinking about winding down? What else could cause hearts that were already brimming with fully satisfied love to decide, "There's still more there to give away"? What else?

There are enough moments of every day that cause all of us to occasionally say to ourselves, "This is crazy." But what's more crazy for us Kruggel's is to live the rest of our lives basking in the crazy love of Jesus only to drift into eternity without spilling its overflow into all of these precious children God's given us. And what's even more crazy is to watch Jesus pour more of Himself out to us as we see His face written all over these little ones. God's turned our world upside down and we just can't stop believing that we've got to be among the most blessed. And why? What did we do? Nothing! This is nothing! God is just being God, and His love through Jesus is unstoppable and overpowering. We can't wait to kneel in front of Jesus and wipe His feet with our tears of joy and say, "I thank You for my 'gotcha-day'".

Smitten by Him,

Tom (& Victoria)

Therefore!

My very best friend sent me this poem today, written by the well-know modern day Pastor, Jack Hayford. In light of the outpouring of negativity across almost every media forum I can think of, I found this quite encouraging.

Warmly in Christ,

Tom

"Therefore!"

How often in the dark of night doubt casts a shadow larger than
the real and present trial I am facing?

How often on the course of life I’m called by Christ to run with faith
but feel my weakness to sustain the pacing?

How often do we each endure our seeming so misunderstood
by those we seek to love and serve or care for?

And in such moments as described we’re tempted to remove ourselves
without reviewing Heaven’s message, “Therefore!”

Now “Therefore fight,” but not as ones supposing they but beat the air,
when every step you take you tread down serpents!

And “Therefore serve” as He who came “to serve and not be served,” He said;
and doing so defined our call as servants!

So “Therefore!” loved one, sing down doubt and run with patience in the race,
(so few of us have striven “unto blood.”)

And bear the yoke He’s called you to, reminded you are partnered with
The Burden Bearer—Jesus, Son of God.

In Him each promise is “Amen”; with Him you’ll find again—again,
that in your weakness His strength will suffice you.

So “Therefore stand,” strong in the fight—Lift up your eyes, behold the light
lest shadows, fears or weariness entice you.

The course you take was charted by The Planner, Who has said, “My plans
contain your future hope of My rewarding.”

So stay the course, wear the yoke; embrace the Cross, and “Therefore, child,
you’ll know the joy that’s coming in the morning!”

- Jack W. Hayford
- April 13, 2009

Hand In The Cookie (M & M) Jar

Yesterday was a difficult day for our little Pop-Tart. She got a good taste of what it's like to do wrong, to be known in that wrong, to regret the wrong and the source of it, and then to be forgiven that wrong.

It all started when Poppy indulged herself in the M & M jar located on the bathroom shelf without asking. We've been trying to potty-train Willow, so our extra incentive to do so is through the method of positive reinforcement as opposed to negative reinforcement or punishment. Every time Willow successfully relieves herself in the toilet and not her diaper or panties (sometimes called "under-bunders" in our household), she's rewarded with an M & M. Willow always asks to give one to Poppy too, so they both share in the victory. However, yesterday Poppy found herself in the bathroom all by herself and just couldn't resist the temptation to help herself to a few M & M's (which is a big Boo Hao, "No-No"), only to be seen by her big brother, Barret. Doing the right thing, Barret informed Victoria, and Victoria then proceeded to confront Poppy while her mouth was stuffed with chocolate bursting out both sides of her cheeks. Poppy started to tell Victoria that she didn't know what she was talking about, but Victoria gave her one chance to dig a shallow grave as opposed to a deep one by stopping her mid-sentence and insisting she tell the truth. Poppy confessed and was then sent to her room to confess her sin to Jesus and ask for forgiveness. When she came out about ten minutes later, she caught my glance and somberly and slowly said with head bowed, "I sinned and asked Jesus to forgive me." I told her that was good and it was over.

Not more than about ten or fifteen minutes later, Poppy grabbed a toy away from Willow that she was playing with and I caught her doing it right in front of me. When I confronted her about it, she quickly (and fortunately) confessed her wrong, hugged Willow and told her she was sorry. Poppy then began to pout and sauntered over to the couch where she started to suck her fingers and look forlornly into space with glassy eyes that were about to shed tears. I walked over to her, knelt down and softly asked, "Poppy, do you want to talk to Daddy?" She whimpered and said, "I'm tired of sinning", and then began to cry a little. I assured her that she was forgiven, it was over, and that God could help her overcome these things in the future.

And then, just about 45 minutes or so after that, I caught her with her fingers in the cookie dough (Victoria was baking some chocolate chip cookies for us and a friend from church that's been ill). When Poppy saw that I saw her, as quick as lightning she stuck a fresh, dough covered chocolate chip into her mouth hoping that it would be fast enough that I wouldn't notice. No such luck. I then whisked Poppy up into my arms and took her to the back room; she wailed all the way there. The third time was a charm and, after she stopped crying, we had a deep talk (as deep as you can get with a four-year old) about the presence of God being all around us and that nothing escapes His eyes. In the same way, I told her that nothing could make Him, or me, or Victoria stop loving her and that because of that love she should want to please Him and us all the more.

Whether Poppy's remorse was genuine because she's truly beginning to know and understand just how ugly trespasses are, or because she was just caught in her trespass three times in a row, we do not know. Regardless, Victoria and I feel for her because we know all too well how frustrating it is to wrong our Lord, know we've wronged Him, feel bad about it, confess it, and then no sooner do we turn around and wrong Him yet again. In the same way that Jesus calls us to forgive 70 times 7 times (meaning infinitely), so God patiently forgives and loves.

It's hard to be a sinner, but sometimes it's even harder when you know you're one.

Graciously forgiven,

Tom (& Victoria)

Too Small to Ignore

Victoria and I are big fans and supporters of Compassion International. In fact, all of our children while growing up sponsored a Compassion child until they "aged out". This commendable ministry aimed at caring for "the least of these" with practical physical needs while also giving them the gospel has been an encouragement to us in so many ways and for so many years. Recently, Victoria bought Wes Stafford's book (current President and Chief Executive Officer of Compassion International) entitled "Too Small to Ignore". She was drawn to it because of Wes' testimony of Christ while growing up as a missionary kid in a small African village. I had the opportunity of passing a portion of this testimony along to a few others and felt it was worthy of posting on our blog. So, here it is:

When he was about ten (10) years old, Wes was getting ready to return to his African village after spending a year in America with his family. Standing at the airport gate in New York he gently pressed both hands around his mother’s face and said, ‘Mommy, please don’t make me go back to Bandulo. It’s terrible! They beat us all the time for everything. They hate me. I miss you and Daddy so much. I’m scared. Please, please…” The children were threatened to never tell their parents about what really happened at the school, so they repressed the truth for years and only wrote letters to their families of “happy times”. All incoming and outgoing mail was screened.

The news of Wesley’s confession to his mother somehow reached the African school board, and this is what he says happened next:

“At lunch one day, Mr. Edwards (one of the adult caretakers) announced to the students (after Wes was called to the front), ‘Let me introduce you to Satan’s favorite tool. Wesley has decided to serve Satan. He told his mother about what happens here, and she is not able to do her important work here on the mission field. Satan has won. He used Wesley, and there will be Africans in hell because of this boy you see standing before you. You cannot serve both God and Satan, the Bible says. Wesley has tried. You cannot burn the candle at both ends without getting burned.’

Mr. Edwards (then) ordered that a birthday candle be brought to him. He got out his pocketknife and trimmed the wick at the blunt end to produce a candle that could indeed burn from both directions.

‘Here, Wesley,” he said with a brightened face. ‘You want to serve both God and Satan? Try it!’

I took the candle between my cold, shaking fingers. Striking a match, Mr. Edwards lit both ends of my trembling candle. He turned his back to me and continued his lecture, assuming I would drop the candle before long. As the flames flickered closer and closer to my skin, the children’s eyes grew wide. Suddenly… in a brief flash of reality, I saw the great evil that was going on. I was not Satan’s tool; I was just a little boy with a broken heart who had tried to be rescued from this evil place. I love Jesus and was my daddy’s partner in ministry in the villages. Mr. Edwards was lying, and all of my friends were but frightened little lambs. I dug deep into my soul and said to myself, ‘Not this time. They won’t win this time. No matter how much this hurts, I will not let go of this candle!’ I gritted my teeth and prepared for whatever amount of pain would come my way. Nothing was going to make me cry out or drop that candle.

I could only vaguely hear his words as I watched the skin on both sides of my fingers grow first red and then begin to bubble. In the background, I could hear vaguely, ‘Satan’s tool... Africans in hell…” Now a trace of smoke came up from my fingertips. The flames were touching my skin.

‘No!’ I exclaimed through clenched teeth. ‘No!’

Just then a fifth grader in the front row jumped up and slapped the candle out of my blistering fingertips. It was over. The meeting broke up as the children rushed forward to hold and comfort me.”

When I first read this story at Victoria's prompting, I was almost moved to tears. But as it is with all of God's dealings, His perfect purposes extend beyond what's perceived to what's inconceivable. Sometimes we have the pleasure of knowing and seeing His plan first-hand, but many times we do not. In the case of Wes Stafford, "the rest of the story" (in the infamous words of Paul Harvey) is:

“More than forty years have come and gone since the candle incident. It was a defining moment for me. It turned me in the direction of my life’s work as a passionate advocate for the hurting children of the world. I refuse to be defeated. I refuse to give in to the powerful forces that would violate the downtrodden and oppressed among us. It is the reason I write and speak with such fervor. Here I am past the midpoint of adulthood, and I’m still holding onto that candle and gritting my teeth as I battle for the value and importance of little ones. They shall have a defender, a champion, an advocate after all!

Why did God let me suffer the agonies of that boarding school? Why did he not intervene when I cried out to him night after night for relief? I have imagined at times my guardian angel pulling on God’s sleeve saying, ‘Don’t you hear little Wesley? Don’t you see his pitiful tears? Can’t you do something to deliver him from this monstrous evil?’

If that ever happened, I believe God replied, ‘I know. I see his pain; I hear his cry. But he needs to go through this. I have plans for his life. Out of his pain, I will save others. Trust me.’”

Wes is a hero in my book, and Victoria and I pray we'd possess only a fraction of his proven character the remainder of our lives.

Trusting Him,

Tom (& Victoria)