Thursday, May 5, 2011

Until the Snowmelt

A peek into our season of silence, a dusting of snowfall blanketing the countryside - all sound is muffled until the melt:

"He must increase, but I must decrease." ~ John the Baptist

Seven words…. that’s all. Short, simple and straightforward, yet profound, poignant and penetrating. I think my little six year old Poppy could read them, but I’m not sure that even Einstein himself could fully decipher them. This declaration spoken from Jesus’ lifelong relative (and “friend of the bridegroom”) thousands of years ago has mystified me from the day I first breathed divine air. Even today, dozens of years later, I cannot read these words without them stopping me dead in my tracks. Their meaning, their applicability… what are they for me?


This guy (John the Baptist) was seemingly impetuous. He had “fire-in-his-belly”, fueling “fire” from his mouth. John called it like he saw it, he didn’t mince words. He was considered an enigma, a freak, eating strange food and wearing odd clothing, yet multitudes flocked to him. Why some even said, “He has a demon!” (Matthew 11:18b) On the other hand, John was a servant, humble, self-effacing, honorable, and merely saw himself as a needle that pointed away and toward another. His courage, passion and conviction landed him in prison, leading to his head being dished up on a platter. Contrastingly, the guilty hands stained by his blood represented everything John did not.


Just before his gruesome death, and right at the climax of his truncated "career", the tables turned for John. The throngs that were magnetized by him ricochet to another. It just so happened to be toward the one John called "... the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!" (John 1:29b) the one John was all along straight up about. John was always adamant about making it crystal clear that it was never about him, that he was not the Christ – not even close. So it only seems natural in one sense that John would simply say (when Jesus showed up on the scene) that the time had come for the one he’d been talking about all this time to rise up and for him to step aside.


Part of me sort of just wants to stop there and say to myself, “Oh, I get it. Of course Jesus the Christ must increase and John the trumpeter must decrease”, and leave it at that. But ripples still pulsate in the glassy pools of my heart. Could it be that some greater relevance is accessible for me? Can John’s desire also be mine even though I'm not the one “crying in the wilderness” (John 1:23)? “Please God, let it be so.”


We're separated now by space and time but, as radical and stanch as John was, we still share much alike. Our spiritual heritage is identical, and our godly ancestral position equal (cf. Ephesians 2:1-3, Galatians 3:26). He doubted as I do, but is loved as I am (cf. Luke 7:20, John 3:16). His temptations were common, with his hope and belief the same as mine (cf. I Corinthians 10:13, Romans 4:23-25). And the ultimate need to be rescued from his nature, like mine, remains unchanged today. His innate desire to be for himself what only Jesus could appease was (and is) identical for all mankind - to elevate and honor himself above his Creator. This is why and what John bellowed from the riverbanks. What he hearkened unto the crowds he hearkened unto himself, and then he symbolically cleansed with water those who recognized their need to be brought low that a Savior might be high.


Sound all too familiar? Probably, especially if you’ve been a follower of Jesus for quite some time. This is the essence of what we call good, great news, and we Christians talk about it all the time. But I sometimes get discouraged after all these years because my desire to be prominent and renowned can still take precedence over lauding Jesus. It happens when I want to be first in a competition that others might see my prowess, or when I advance in my vocation to be held in superior status, or when I have more facebook friends than another that my popularity might be on display, or when I worship with exuberance that my passion might be distinguished, or when I raise three children and adopt three others that my sacrifice might be flattered, or even when I write this blog post so that others might think I'm profound. These inklings stream through my veins. I want to increase, even though I know all too well that what John said earlier is right, “A man can receive nothing, unless it has been given him from heaven.” (John 3:27) Crazy thing is I sometimes don’t even know how to shift the honor due Him toward Him. Please don’t tell me I’m alone.


In a way, John’s fame was greater than Jesus’ before He “officially” stepped into the foreground. John had just about everyone’s ear – from the commoner to the highest ranking officials. Surely he faced the lure of self-promotion and aggrandizement square in the eyes. Yet he yielded all of who he was to Jesus. And John went even further, wholly surrendering that Jesus “must” increase and, conversely, he “must” decrease. It’s imperative, it’s the quintessence of being Christian, and it’s the consistent message he’d been saying from the beginning. John was never described as desiring anything but that Jesus be amplified and John abridged. He saw himself but as only a voice, just a voice. In fact, John considered himself to be so insignificant he wasn't worthy to perform even the lowliest of all slave labor tasks - loosening the ties of the Master's sandals (cf. Mark 1:7). "But how, John? How?"


In the natural realm, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction (Newton’s Third Law). When a force is exerted upon an object, a counterpart force is exerted in the opposing direction. In the supernatural realm, for every exaltation there is an opposite humiliation. When someone genuinely deflects adulation to another, a counterpart resignation is accepted by that someone. And for anyone to increase and the other to decrease, there simply must be a relative comparison to another, otherwise how would anyone be higher or lower if there wasn’t someone, something to measure against?


Nowhere is it recorded that John measured himself against another human being. On the contrary, it appears he couldn’t have cared less how he stacked up alongside another, and that would be everyone, except one – the One, Jesus. And in this case, John demanded that he himself only be brought lower that Jesus might be brought higher. The irony of it all is that the One John wanted to elevate had to become the lowest that I might be united with the Highest. “… the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world” was also “the Lamb that was slain” (Revelation 5:12). And “the Lamb that was slain” descended that He might ascend “far above all the heavens” (Ephesians 4:10), where He is now preparing a high place for me (cf. John 14:2-3).


I've come full circle, and so it is here I must stop, and it is here where I should always stop – at the cross, at the good, great news. All of life always boils down to this. With Jesus now in my foreground, I plainly cannot be focused on two objects at one and the same time. The object of myself or another simply must, and will, decrease as the object of Himself increases.


He must increase, but we must decrease,

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Bye Bye, Sweet Penelope


My Sweet Dear Penelope,


I loved....

  • the way you relentlessly pawed on the doors when you wanted in or out of a room
  • your sweet smell
  • the way you would rub up against my legs when you wanted love
  • the noise you would make when I loved on you
  • your purr that could be heard from a mile away
  • the way you would cuddle with me when I cried so hard
  • how beautiful you are
  • how your name used to be wolly
  • the subtle way you warned me when you were about to bite
  • your gentle little soft sweet paws...those were my favorite
  • your one gray whisker
  • the way you could smell tuna from miles away
  • the way you would always find the smallest patch of sunshine and position yourself right in the middle of it
  • the way you would scratch your back on the driveway by rolling around
  • your love of christmas morning or any celebration that involved ribbon and wrapping paper
  • the way you greeted me every time the family returned from a long trip
  • the way you escaped from the wrath of Carmel
  • the way you would twitch and "lick the air" whenever I scratched your back
  • the way you attempted to catch birds and mice...but never actually did
  • the way you always found your favorite spot...and wouldn't move for days
  • the way you would often trip me as I was walking down the hall
  • the way you hid under the bed for days when daddy first brought you home
  • the way you kneaded whenever you purred
  • how you let me hold you like a baby...
  • the way you drank milk out of large tall glasses
  • the way you brought so much joy into my life
  • the way you were my "kitty"...my "Queen of Sheba"
  • the way you would so purposefully blink
  • the way you always wanted to be around the family...while acting completely unamused
  • the way you welcomed Carmel into the family
  • the way mommy and I made voices for you....that were O so fitting for your personality
  • the way you SO gingerly walked around...especially if your paws touched anything wet
  • the way you would stare at me when I meowed at you
  • the way you win the award for the sweetest kitty in the world

Penelope, I love you more than you'll ever know. You have such a special place in my heart. Thank you for being the sweetest, most wonderful kitty a girl could have ever asked for...Rest in Peace my lovely girl. I love you.


Love,


Annie

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Bonhoeffer

I'm riveted by this man, Dietrich Bonhoeffer. His most recent biography by Eric Metaxas attempts to explain someone that is beyond explanation. His passion and conviction seem unprecedented to me, all borne from (seemingly ironically) Jesus' peaceful Sermon on the Mount. I've since gone back and poured over that sermon with a plea for eyes that might see more clearly, ears that might hear more intently, and a spirit that might be moved more completely.






To help I paraphrased Jesus' Beatitudes to contemplate them more easily, and here they are:

The poor in spirit,
their kingdom is heaven

The ones who mourn,

their comfort shall be

The meek of soul,

their inheritance the earth

The parched of holiness,

their satisfaction brought nigh

The pure in heart,

their vision is God

The display of peacemakers,

they're sons of God

The persecuted for righteousness,

their kingdom is heaven

The reviled of Jesus,

their reward is heaven


And while Jesus' Sermon on the Mount encompasses much more than the Beatitudes, I couldn't go any further into it as I'm now riveted again by this man, Jesus, and the first eight stanzas from His mouth as He stood on a hill and echoed from God.

Contemplatively,

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

My Cause to Pause

Today Victoria sent me a phone mail message and picture that melted my already gooey heart, stopping me dead in my tracks with a cause to pause. Her message, to quote verbatim, "Poppy's art from today (from kindergarten)... five years ago she didn't have a family... so grateful she's ours!"

This weekend will mark our five-year anniversary ("Gotcha Day") with a heart-broken, uncontrollably weeping and helpless little girl that we didn't have a name for (except her given name, Qing Zu Qiao). Hours later, while we all lay on a hotel bed staring frozen at this bundle of wonder, Victoria looks at me after a little giggle from that same pathetic face just moments before, and says, "This is one of my best days."

And right now? This is one of my best moments.

Friday, March 11, 2011

The Full Spectrum

Victoria tapped into her spontaneous side today and at the last minute decided she'd head down to surprise Annie before finals week @ CalPoly San Luis Obispo. That's the bright and fun side of the experience. The dark and not-so-fun side is what must occur immediately beforehand - telling all the kids that she's going to be gone for the weekend. Adventures that don't involve the entire family are always two-edged swords.

The reactions between the two youngest girls at Victoria's pronouncement are as juxtaposed as night and day, and even have the feel of each. Poppy's fear and sorrow immediately set in, and her usual angelic face turned into a sopping wet cascade of "alligator tears". But Willow's joyful and carefree countenance remained unfazed, bouncing like a little "Tigger" from one room to another as if life were a box of chocolates - they're all sweet even if they come in different shapes and types. And while Piper is disappointed her Momma will not be there to lean on, she's old enough to process space and time, also realizing that momma's are stretched and need to be released to do more than care for just one. And Barret? He's just been there too long and too many times to be moved one way or another.

There's a part of us that wants to favor one reaction over the other, as if one were more healthy, more acceptable and appropriate. Maybe, but we've come to so love the broad continuum of "hard wiring" in all of them. Each are an essential part of the character of our household, and it's so good that we all, kids included, must wrestle with the fact that we're not like the other. We each have to wrestle with the fact that our make-up is not necessarily the preferred one or the best one. We each have to come to terms with releasing the notion that all must conform to be like us. We easily learn early on that others ought to be as we are, but the more difficult process is to learn that all should not be so and to love the astounding differences between us that must be present to complete a whole.

The easier ones are sometimes like Willow's, and the stretching ones are sometimes like Poppy's. Give us both, and everything in between. They're all needed, not just for their sakes but ours also.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Happy fourscore

and here's to so many more

Tonight to you honor

and champagne we pour

To give our due for

what's always been yours

That which you deflected

so others might soar


I suspect that

most are like me

We shudder to ponder

what life might be

If God had not given

to us so free

The splendor of you

for us all to see


We would not know

the bond of a sister

The eldest of which

would stand back to spur

Her brothers to glory

as you meekly transferred

Attention away

and to them you'd prefer


No, we would not know

the touch of a mother

That tender kiss

affection like none other

A word to the wise

and never a bother

To give of yourself

just like your (F)father


And we sure would not know

a faithful, dear friend

Whether golfing, or dining,

or praying to tend

The needs of them all

you condescend

That they all might flourish

and conversely ascend


Nor would we know

a caring grandma

Who always remembers

occasions of awe,

The grandchildren with you

never feel flawed

They'd rather be near

than ever withdraw


And Dad could not know

the sweetest of wife

Who always forgave

and served without strife

You freely sacrificed

some pleasures of life

To give to your husband

honor with rife


(I, suspect, that...)

If your parents were here

they'd know not a daughter

Who treasured them so

like a wellspring of water

Pure and refreshing

like a song from the Psalter

You'd bring them a smile

their heart not to falter


And so (Mom) we

hope

you surely realize

That you are influencing

o' so many of our lives

By just being you

we all seem to thrive

We're just that much better

with you by our sides


So happy fourscore

and so many more

Our wishes for you

and God we implore

To know without question

that you’re created for

The reflection of love

in Jesus we adore

We love you,

Thursday, February 10, 2011

A Bubblegum Tree?

The other morning before the day started, we sat down with the three girls (Willow, Poppy & Piper) to read the Bible, talk about it and look for our "grain of grace" for the day. We're ashamed that we did not do this at all with our first three kids and are hopeful to start a new habit with these three that kicks our day off on the right foot. This is one of the benefits of doing it all over again - we get to right at least a few of our wrongs (hopefully), and we certainly have our fair share of wrongs.

On this particular morning we considered the creativity of God and wondered in amazement at how He created something from nothing. We asked the girls if they could do that, and they all quickly nodded their heads indicating they could not. But we did all acknowledge that God's creativity included giving us imaginations that can also be creative. We then asked "If you could create anything you wanted out of nothing, what would it be?" Without hesitation Willow perked up and said, "A bubblegum tree" (with slurred speech that only family members can understand). Now we've never heard of a bubblegum tree (except maybe on Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory), but that was imaginative and, to Willow, the most incredible creation she could conjure up.

That was our grain of grace for the day, a bubblegum tree - an image that's hard to shake.

Thankful for little, creative imaginations,

Saturday, February 5, 2011

A Reconnection

We've recently reconnected with the gentleman that was instrumental in bringing our little Poppy-flower into the family. Without him, we're certain we might have never held her chubby, tear-filled cheeks between our hands that first day we saw her in China, and without question she'd not be with us today. We're indebted to him, although he would never see it that way. During the Holidays we were able to see him on camera through Skype (where he was once enjoining the helpless, he's now living among the helpless in Vietnam), and he saw Qing Zu Qiao for the first time. His tender voice to her exuded a personal love, even though he's probably placed hundreds of one-timed orphans into loving homes across our Country.

We're now friends on facebook, and he posted something that caused me to see God o' so clearly, even though His name is never referenced in the film. And watching this reminded me that the most beautiful expression of His being is in us. Watch this two and a half minute video and see if you don't see Him too (click on the link instead of the YouTube Video right below it because the film embedding is disabled).




Our adoption advocate's work in Vietnam also reflects the expression of God. You can see Him here as well by clicking on the link below:


Thank you, Tony,

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Our Basket

Exactly one year ago we set out on a voyage to give a family to one without. It was a scary adventure, but our constitution and drive were stronger than our fears, and our excitement and enthusiasm covered the uncertainty of the unknown. That's what faith does, and without it we were doomed to never purchase a round trip ticket to China for two with a one-way ticket to the United States for one. How God gave us such faith we can never fully know, and why He gave us faith at all remains a mystery even today.

But our faith runs much deeper than doing the unthinkable. In fact, it beckons us to put all of our eggs in one basket. That basket is the last one most would pick to stock their food while shopping in a grocery store. At first glance it's got broken wheels, holes where food can fall out, a child seat that's bent and uncomfortable, and handles with shattered plastic coverings. Why, it's probably the overflowing one we usually see blocks from the store that's worn and tattered from use by the homeless to truck their belongings from one cold place to another. But that's the basket the homeless use and that's the basket they cling to. That's the only basket they have. It was actually the destiny of the basket from the very beginning.

The only basket we have was also broken. It was bent and a shambles. To be seen with it would be unthinkable..., downright embarrassing. It's the laughing stock of world. But when we first saw it all we could see was a whole cart, completely refurbished with sparkling chrome, perfectly greased wheels and a seat with our name engraved on it. After we put ourselves in that basket, we thought it was full. But after living in it for awhile we realized it had a lot more room in it. Being there by ourselves allowed us to stretch our legs and sleep comfortably, but it wasn't comfort that the basket was given for. It was meant to hold more while the first contents were pushed aside to make room. So we stepped into the corner's edge, knowing all too well that we were going to get smashed, but at least we had peace knowing we were still in the basket. And the surprising thing is that once we made room for more we found out that the first contents were incomplete without the others. And all the while the others were just sitting on the shelf waiting to be made complete themselves, needing a basket in which to reside.

Xiao Qian has changed our lives forever, and we've changed hers forever. She took a leap of faith, but from faith we took the leap. And now we celebrate, with all of us feeling a little crowded, a little uncomfortable at times, and sometimes even a little crushed. But we're all that much more complete, and we're all wanting to the fill the basket until it can be filled no more. It's then, and only then, that the final destination of the cart will rest as intended with its Maker.

Piper at a local Chinese restaurant with Victoria, Tom, Poppy, Willow and Barret on the evening of January 25th, her "Gotcha Day". She intentionally picked out and is wearing the very same sweater she wore that very first day one year ago when she filled our basket.

The origami that Xiao Qian made for Victoria, Tom and herself which, when unfolded, contained the messages to us below.

"Dear Dad, Happy one year with you. Are you so glad you can have me for your daughter? You so smart and funny. So I smart and funny too. Ha! Ha! You so kind to me and love me. Thank you so much for what you did for me. I loved you sooooooo much. I am so happy I can be a part of this family. Love, Piper

"Dear Mom, Happy one year with you. I so happy I can be your daughter. From now I learned many things. I learned to make jewelry and origami. And you taught me how to cook. I enjoy to cook with you. You are best mother! I love you sooooooo much. And thank you for every day to teach my homework. :) Love, Piper

"Happy 'Gotcha Day', Piper. Thank you for making our basket that much more full and that much more complete. We love you,"

Mommy & Daddy

Monday, January 24, 2011

Flowers vs. Trees

As an adjunct to our last post, we find it comical to note the differences between our two little girls. There are clear and obvious distinctives between them, and they couldn't be more duly noted than by looking at the hairdos between their "My Little Pony" ponies.

Can you guess which one belongs to Poppy and which one belongs to Willow?

Loving the differences between flowers and trees,

Monday, January 17, 2011

Why Children Need Mommies

This is why little children needs mommies.

Willow really didn't want me to take this picture, and I suppose I can understand why. She's learning the "art" of self-consciousness and becoming a little more bashful around the camera. Victoria's been tending to the side of our Poppa-licious at a nearby hospital for the last few days while she stabilizes from a very serious viral respiratory condition, so Barret and Willow have been subjected to my clumsy attempts to substitute in her absence (Piper's at a retreat, lucky for her).

Poor little Poppy. (She's doing better now.)

Willow's always been the little more messy one of the two "kid-les". Poppy rarely, if ever, gets food on her face when she's eating, and Willow's got food on and round about her at every meal. Poppy's usually pretty put together with her outfits and Willow puts on whatever is laying around her room. Poppy wants her hair brushed, and Willow probably couldn't care less. Which brings me to the climax of this story. When I brought Willow into the hospital room to see her Mei Mei and Momma, Victoria looked at me after glancing at Willow and her rats-nest hair and said, "Couldn't you have at least put a clip in it or something? Look at her! Daddy's just don't think about these things." Victoria then called Willow over to her and neatly put her back together again.

Yes, Children need mommies, mostly for much deeper reasons, but also for the practical ones.

Thanking God Our Children Have a Mommy (and an exceptional one at that),

Sunday, January 9, 2011

The Thing I Love Most In Life

Shortly before Christmas Poppy enthusiastically, but also cautiously, walked up to me and asked me what my favorite thing in the whole world was. Without any hesitation at all I quickly answered, "The Bible". She then smiled at me with a quick, pondering grin and contemplatively walked away. I wasn't quite sure what she was up to, but her query was no doubt purposeful and deliberate. That must have been about a week or so before Christmas Day and I didn't give it much thought after that.

On Christmas morning we all sat around the Christmas tree in our living room, opening presents while cozied-up to a warm fireplace (gas logs, however). We take opening presents slow in our family, sort of a ritual tradition of allowing each person to unwrap one while everyone else focuses on the recipient. After oohing and ah-hing a bit, it's off to the next family member, and so on and so forth. The kids usually give each of us a gift (Victoria & me, that is), and from the little ones it's often something hand-crafted. They're kind of the sweetest gifts of all because they're given without any monetary expense, but no doubt at personal expense in one way, shape, form or another. While all of the older kids spent a little bit of money on me (us), each one of their gifts were also so personal, so special, and so meaningful (in fact, I'll never forget any of them). But when it came time for me to open Poppy's gift, she excitedly pulled it out from under the tree, wrapped with used, crinkly paper and a ton of scotch tape. Just looking at the wrapping job warmed my heart and I knew something special was behind that artful creation. It was heavy for its size, and I couldn't imagine what was inside. After peeling away different corners of multiple layers of tape, I finally got to the paper part and tore a whole in it so I could peer behind the layers of wrapping. I looked at Poppy and said, "What in the world have you got for Daddy?" She smiled with a twinkle in her eye and said, "You never know." Of course, you know, and now I know that it was the thing that I love the most in the world. Yes, it was an old, tattered Bible of Victoria's, one that Poppy found laying around and decided that, when she saw it, she was going to give me the thing that I love most in life. I was a little choked up inside (and so was Victoria) while I hugged Poppy and told her that I couldn't love anything more. She was so proud of herself.

While praying this morning about something I might post about next, this story came immediately to mind. I share it with you because the tenderness of little ones brings us back to the heart of giving. Poppy had nothing to give of her own, but she creatively searched high and low to find on her own the one thing that would mean the most to me. And when she discovered it she found a way to make sure she could satisfy my highest desire. And when I think about what Jesus gave to us, even when we didn't desire it but knowing full, good and well what we needed most, faith to believe in the greatest and most gracious gift of all, Himself, I'm brought to a place where I accept the gift and get all choked up. I didn't entirely know what was behind His gift either, but each day the wrapping paper gets peeled just a little further back and the magnificence of His gift is that much more visible and that much more appreciated.

May we all treasure that which we love most in life, but more importantly may we treasure that which we need most in life.

Post Christmas Reflections,