more than enough

i WAS tired, far sooner than usual. a 9:15 beckoning to a down comforter seemed just right. it takes awhile for such soft surfaces to warm up when all alone, but once there i found a slight cough troubled my throat, enough to keep me from leaving that state to another. my tiredness turned to restlessness, and for the first time in a long while i felt as though God was asking me to arise quickly - He had something to say to me. after reading a bit, i meandered over here to start writing; something i've not done in awhile.

writing for others to read has me stumped - my motives constantly in check. a respite necessary, just to make sure that my thing doesn't become THE thing, always wanting (deep down) for Jesus to be that. even my family, my children, my wife, our adoptions, they cannot be THE thing, but they have at times, often times. my greatest quandary in life, yes the greatest of all, is living in love with Jesus at the expense of myself. the pull to have others see me more than even Jesus is almost Herculean. i'm ashamed. and yet, deep down, i know, i know for sure where my true love resides. and so, i'm back, yet again, to try to exalt what i love, what is Love, and to do so through me, through us, to only see Him.

our lives are simple - we're married and in love, we have many children, we have work, we have a home, we even have health (for now)... nothing exemplary, nothing outstanding. but there's a drive to be outstanding, to be exemplary, to be... as if, it were not good enough. and this, this has been the strife. when will i, when will we be good enough? when will we have done enough? when is enough enough? never, simply never, because enough is Jesus.

i've returned from my favorite place on earth over Thanksgiving break to this grounding truth. all else is fading into the fog again, fading under this love. and o' how sweet those moments are when you see clearly the overarching truth that to love God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might is liberating, and then all of the sudden you see clearly that everything else now falls into place - when loving becomes all.

with more than enough,