Smitten by Jesus

Today I spent the entirety of my day in meetings behind closed doors in a high-rise building in Houston, Texas. This is what I was called to today, and this I did with joy and pleasure knowing there was no better place for me to be because it was ordained by God. I was away from my family who I adore, but I was with my Father who I worship, and this gave me greater solace in the absence of Victoria, Austin, Meagan, Annie, Barret, Xiao Qian, Poppy and Willow. To be truthful, sometimes I worship my family, and that is not what Jesus calls me to; no, He calls me to worship Him. Sometimes I worship my work, and that is not what Jesus calls me to either; no, He calls me to worship Him. And sometimes, oftentimes, I worship me, and that is not what Jesus calls me to at all; no, He calls me to worship Him.

I am very much caught up into myself and my identity in things other that Christ. I must confess to all of you and myself (and to God) that my identity is often defined by my family and children. It's often defined by my (our) adoptions. It's often defined by my work. It's often defined by my role in church. And for all the times that I've portrayed something about myself or our family that is anything other than the full splendor and majesty of Jesus alone, then I've robbed Him of His identification with the universe. And for all of this I must ask for forgiveness, not only from you, but also from my King. You see, I want Jesus to be everything to me. I want Him to be the only thing to me. These words are hard to type, but I want Jesus to be more to me than all my children, and more to me than my beautiful wife, and more to me than my home, and more to me than my job, and more to me than my eldership, and more to me than my checking account and all of my distracting stuff, and more to me than even life itself. It's not that I don't want to love these things, and it's not that it's wrong to love these things, but they must pale in comparison to my love for Jesus. In fact, by comparison they must almost be the opposite of love. Here's what Jesus says, "If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple." (Luke 14:26) These sound like the words of a crazy man, and to most He is such. But to me they're words that taste like honey on my lips, they appear like apples of gold in my orchard of things, and they're more desirable than my next breath or hope for life if I awake in the morning. This kind of love requires great sacrifice but, as I've written about before, it's no sacrifice at all to give "what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose". (Jim Elliot) I own nothing, so for me to sacrifice anything is to simply dispossess what I never had.

I am begging, pleading with God to change my (our family's) affections. I've built a temple around things that were never intended for places of adoration. Those temples need to be torn down and a new temple needs to rise, one that places Jesus on a throne, the throne, and where my family and I lay prostrate before Him drowning in a flood of tears; tears of joy, tears of gratitude, and tears of fear. I'm asking God to give us a single affection, the same affection that Johnathon Edwards had when he penned these words of personal consecration:

"I claim no right to myself—no right to this understanding, this will, these affections that are in me; neither do I have any right to this body or its members—no right to this tongue, to these hands, feet, ears, or eyes.

I have given myself clear away and not retained anything of my own. I have been to God this morning and told Him I have given myself wholly to Him. I have given every power, so that for the future I claim no right to myself in any respect. I have expressly promised Him, for by His grace I will not fail. I take Him as my whole portion and felicity, looking upon nothing else as any part of my happiness. His law is the constant rule of my obedience.

I will fight with all my might against the world, the flesh, and the devil to the end of my life. I will adhere to the faith of the Gospel, however hazardous and difficult the profession and practice of it may be.

I receive the blessed Spirit as my Teacher, Sanctifier, and only Comforter, and cherish all admonitions to enlighten, purify, confirm, comfort, and assist me. This I have done.

I pray God, for the sake of others, to look upon this as a self-dedication, and receive me as His own. Henceforth, I am not to act in any respect as my own. I shall act as my own if I ever make use of any of my powers to do anything that is not to the glory of God, or to fail to make the glorifying of Him my whole and entire business.

If I murmur in the least at afflictions; if I am in any way uncharitable; if I revenge my own case; if I do anything purely to please myself, or omit anything because it is a great denial; if I trust to myself; if I take any praise for any good which Christ does by me; or if I am in any way proud, I shall act as my own and not God’s. I purpose to be absolutely His."

Smitten by Jesus,