I'm Coming Home

After a surprising and unusual good first night’s sleep in Beijing, I ventured to various business sites throughout the day and flew directly to Shanghai that night. While my stay was short, to use to oft over-used colloquialism, “it was sweet”.  That night I checked into my hotel only to step into what is definitely the most posh and opulent hotel I’ve ever stayed in. I immediately felt out of place and said to myself, “I don’t belong here”. As I later said to Victoria, it has everything you could possibly imagine, and everything you could possibly not. But what struck me most was what I saw out the window that night after walking across the room and opening the drapes. With jaw still on the floor from the ostentatious conditions of my living, I stared upon an old, run down building with rusty air conditioning units and laundry hung outside the windows to air-dry. I immediately went from awe to a very different kind of awe, and it almost literally brought me to tears. The emotional confluence of conditions was perfect for a flood of reactions, most of which were sobering. What contrast, what dichotomy, and what extremes. I can’t really make heads nor tails of it.

 

Most live on the side outside my window. I encountered many today, a closing day of finishing out a few business details and then exploring some of the back alleys of Shanghai. As a gray-haired, bearded westerner I stood out like a sore thumb, even in this very international and cosmopolitan city, especially in those parts. I eventually made my way over to the Expo – 2010, and saw there multitudes of what looked like those who lived in conditions similar to those in view outside my hotel window. Most had smiles on their faces, living peaceful and contented lives. But what do I know? I cannot peer into their hearts.

 

On a few different occasions this week I heard American colleagues of mine say to me, “That is so Chinese!”, referring to a business practice that is so counter-culture to the United States that is seems unfathomable. But is it wrong? I suspect the opposite might be said of Americans when Chinese businesspeople visit the United States. “That’s so American!”  Yes it is, to both of us. Whenever I visit this country I’m reminded of how narrow-minded I am about so many things in life. There are a ton of people here, it’s not nearly as open as the United States, it smells in some places, cars and bicycles/motorcycles are everywhere, it’s noisy, etc. But… so what? It’s life, and these people are making it work. And for many, it’s a good life. But regardless of whether you’re from China or from America, there’s one thing we all need and lack of ourselves, and that’s perfect love. Everyone’s searching for it – it doesn’t matter where you’re planted on the globe.

 

Saying good-bye to China and Shanghai for now. I’m attaching a final night shot of Pudong (hope it posts because facebook and Blogger are still definitely blocked). I’m lonely, tired and homesick.  I’m ready for some love.

 

Take me home, Jesus,

kings, and the King

Right now I'm somewhere over the Pacific Ocean, but I have no idea where except that I'm between the West Coast of the United States and the East Coast of China. Not only that, but I have no idea if this blog entry will actually log into our site. We tried blogging from China eight months ago (when we adopted Xiao Qian) using this "e-mail" method (I'm sending an e-mail into Blogger), and it seemed to work. Blogger may not still be blocked in China as it was back then, but I have a little time on my hands right now (a 12 hour flight mind you), so I thought I'd take advantage of the opportunity by opening up my laptop and journaling some thoughts. I'm not really that tired, even though it's about 10:30 on Saturday night, about 1:30 p.m. on Sunday in China. (I arrive @ ~6:00 p.m., China-time.) These momentary spells of solitude don't come my way that often anymore.

When I left this morning I was a little sick to my stomach. I'm emotionally juxtaposed between a very, very exciting business opportunity in China and leaving what I love most on this earth behind, my family. I was so torn about it a few days ago that I think I only got a couple hours of sleep that night. And this morning's good-bye was heart-wrenching, sort of a déjà vu from when Annie left for CalPOLY about two weeks ago. Poppy's reaction was almost identical to what I described in an earlier blog post this month, which didn't help matters much. Geese, I love those people!

So how do I make heads and tails out of all this severe cognitive dissonance I'm experiencing? How do I wrestle with the notion of caring for my family with work (we have to work) and to what extent when it means that we're separated, this time for five to six days? Is this what God has called a father of six (four at home) and a husband to Victoria to do? Answer: I don't know! How's that for peace of mind? Perhaps I might be judged by others, but none more severely than me. Here's what I know… For whatever reason, and this I do not know either, I have "found favor in the eyes" of the "king" (Genesis 39:4). Victoria reminds me of this all the time. The "king" has entrusted an enormous amount of responsibility to me and he never worries about that part of his kingdom, and by this I'm humbled and honored, both at the same time. I've often felt like Joseph knowing that I could have very well been left in the pit without discovery or drawing out. And when found? I could have been owned as a slave and always stayed a slave. But no, God's placed me under the rule of a king, and The King has set me free. So I wrestle to honor both of them, never the highest at the expense of the lower. In fact, I've often told my "king" I cannot go there, or do that, or whatever because it might dishonor the King. Not once have I ever been criticized (at least to my knowledge) for being an ambassador to the King of kings. So here's what I've done… When asked by the king to make a sacrifice like this, I have to believe that it falls under the banner and authority of my King. What I'm doing is not sinful, and sinful "no-no's" I will not ignore. What I am doing is obeying, and sometimes that comes with a price. And furthermore, I have to trust that the price will yield a return much greater than my puny mind allows me to comprehend, because right now it seems like the yield is in the red. I often look to Victoria as a bellwether when placed in positions like this. Her support, although honest about the heartache and effort, are tuning rods that resonate with what I feel is God's current direction for me. I told Victoria the other day, "I will walk away from it all, without hesitation, if I for one moment I feel that we're jeopardizing the most important thing He's ever called us to, and that's one another."

So for now, I'm on my way to China. Excited, scared, nervous, homesick and prayerful. Most of all, I'm now at peace, at least for now, because God has chosen to give me favor in the eyes of the king, favor in the eyes of my wife, favor in the eyes of my children, and most of all favor in the eyes of my King.

I love you, Jesus,

China-Bound

Exactly eight (8) months ago, today, we were in China to unite our family with another. And today, without coincidence, I leave to go back to China, only this time for what feels like a divide. I'm blue about leaving what was united back then and now, and am hopeful that an equally greater uniting will occur while I'm gone. The only grain of sacrifice that will make this trip worthwhile for me is knowing that Truth and Life will go to into a place where it's never penetrated before.

I need your prayers, and my family needs them too.

Here's to China, a land we love. Here's to my family, the one I love. And here's to Jesus, the One who loves.

R Revolving Door

Our household feels so much like a revolving door at times. Austin & Meagan are in, then they're out. Xiao Qian's in, and thankfully staying in. Barret's at a point where less than a year from now he'll be out. And then you just have the normal course-of-life stuff, like me off to work and then back, the little girls off to school and then back, Barret's off to work and then back.

But the latest swing of the revolving door that caught my foot between it and the threshold was Annie's recent departure back to college. This will be her last and final senior year, and she stayed with us over the summer while doing a couple of graphic design internships. Last Sunday we helped pack all of her things up and load them into her car. It was sort of like Groundhog Day because we've deja-vu-ed this scene on several different occasions in the past. But this time was unique for me, only because I caught a glimpse of something that is usually a little foggier.

While standing in the culdesac with Victoria, Willow and Poppy, Annie started her car. I could see Poppy's face out of the corner of my eye, staring at her oldest sister who's elbow was peering out of an open window and her face turned toward us. With only a slight glance at Poppy, an indelible vision pierced my heart. I ended up taking a double-take, and then turned toward Poppy only to see the most forlorn look on the sweetest little face I've ever seen. Her lower lip was wet and droopy, and her eyes were wells of water. With a soft whisper Poppy said, "I wish Annie didn't have to go." I was feeling the same way at that moment, but it wasn't until I saw Poppy's face that it really hit me. I could hardly control my own pressure packed flood gate, and then couldn't hold back a few tears as we waved good-bye while her car turned the corner and then out of sight. I (we) will miss Annie, no doubt, but I will forever be moved by the powerful love-bond that exists between Annie and Poppy. Annie was there from the very beginning (along with all of us), but she's "mothered" Poppy in second position to Victoria whenever Victoria's needed a breather. They laugh a lot together, and often sleep next to each other while snuggled in the trundle bed. Annie's changed her diapers, cradled her to sleep, fed her a bottle, bathed her body, cuti-fied her hair, taken her on special dates, dressed her up, disciplined her and loved her as a her own - she is her own. And this latest revolution of the revolving door now separates those experiences, but the memories live on. There's something about the two of them that at that moment sent me into a tailspin of "good-bye" grief, realizing that "r" revolving door of life will never stop spinning. With each revolution, we're watching the hand of God do what He's always done, and that's prepare the next generation to carry on what He's begun in us, and what He began in Victoria's and my parents, and their parents, and so on.

Sometimes Victoria and I just want the revolving to stop, to stand still if you will. We love each other so much, it pains all of us to be caught in its spin. We have visions of stepping out of the door and cocooning in seclusion. For now, we're indebted and grateful beyond expression that we still all have one another, even if it's at times from a distance.

Beautiful People

A friend of ours at church mentioned this most recent Blog entry of Francis Chan's that she said I just had to read. I did, and must also simply pass it along (click on link below):

http://raychoi.org/2010/09/13/where-is-francis-chan-beautiful-people-sept-2010/

O to be as transparent and real as Francis. And O to be as willing to sacrifice all, most of all our comforts in order to image-bear Jesus to a dying and lost world.

Living by faith to be at peace in the unknown,

Story of Love

I was scanning the website of one of my favorite "go-to" preachers of late, David Platt, author of "Radical", in hopes of finding something to feed my spirit. I happened upon this sermon (video-cast), and was simply blown away by the remarkable artistry found within the first twenty minutes. In fact, it might be one of the most powerful presentations of good news I've ever seen or heard. If you're so inclined, take a gander. And if you're searching for truth, real truth (not the kind that claims to be truth but you eventually discover has countless pitfalls), then you will want to hang on and listen to the entire talk. (Click on Link Below)

http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/story-of-love/

By Faith Under the Story of Love,