Gotta Love Teenagers! Seriously!

It seems like all cultures elevate and deflate certain age groups depending upon what's perceived to be of greater value. In China, by way of generalized example, the elderly are revered and honored over and above the young. They've achieved a status in life that mandates respect and care. In our country, just the opposite seems to be the case, so much so that we may be rightfully accused of worshipping the young. This is especially the case with the very young given our propensity to "spoil-them-to-death", and also with the young adulthood stage of life given our longing to stay forever youthful and beautiful. There's one age in particular, however, between childhood and young adulthood that I fear our culture abhors and loathes, and that's teenager-hood. Victoria and I have most recently seen this played out in our own lives when we let people in on our upcoming adoption of a thirteen (13) year old. Yikes, a teenager! Aside from the typical and understandable concerns about language and cultural barriers, the greater concern seems to be the fact that she's a teen. "Wow, you're brave to take that on again!" Or, "Whew, what a challenge that will be to deal with all of the struggles of raising a teen!" And it's not just Xiao Qian we've heard this about, but also with all of our other older children. It's almost as if parents can't wait to get their kids out of the house once they turn 13. "Let's just fast-forward the next four to five years, please!" Want to know what I abhor and loath? That whole mentality in our culture about teenagers. In fact, Victoria and I reject these notions and embrace just the opposite.

When Austin was a teenager, and Annie also at the same time, people would make comments about how hard life must be at this stage. I would look at them and just shake my head in disbelief, but also in honest confusion. I didn't understand. We were, and have, enjoyed the teenage years of life with our children as much, if not often times more than when they were younger. Why? Because their ability to reason with logic is sophisticated and we can relate to them on that level. Because their passions for Jesus begin to reveal themselves in unique and tangible ways (or so we hope), other than just echoing what we've taught them. Because they're able to care for themselves in ways that prepare them for adulthood. Because the fruits of your earlier years of labor begin to show up in their character. (Sometimes, what we see is actually quite convicting, and in our case has now allowed us to go back and do some things differently with Poppy and Willow, and now Xiao Qian).

I believe there's a real vacuum in our culture when it comes to caring for teenagers. We push them off to the schools and others expecting them to shape and mold their lives from here on out because we think it's all over anyway and, "What's the use?" "What's done is done!" I once read and heard that a greater majority of lives commit themselves to Jesus in teenager-hood than at any other age of life. Now what does that say about this stage of living? Hearts are malleable, tender, open, and ready to receive the greatest gift life has to offer. From what I can see, it's all downhill after the teenage years. I see it in my own life, and I'm a Christian. My heart isn't as ready, willing and able to receive truth like it was when I was a teenager. I want to have the faith of a child, and I want to have the passion and the energy for Jesus like a teenager. These kids are teaching me a thing or two, and they don't even realize it.

We're entering Xiao Qian's life, and she's entering ours, at the most opportune time, perfectly orchestrated by our Lord. Aside from all of the significant cultural transitions she'll have to go through (and we do not underestimate them by any stretch of the imagination), her heart (we pray) will be vulnerable to the Spirit and our leading by Him. We have a very short window of time, but probably the best window of time, to allow God to influence her life for eternity. These teenage years with Xiao Qian? Bring em' on!!! And shame on us for ever thinking otherwise.

Restoring the Teenage Years,

A Whole Fist Full of Fingers

Two days ago our little Pop-Tart turned five years old (or so we think and were told it's somewhere around that date - no one knows for sure). We decided to do everything we could to make her entire day special, starting with the first opening of her eyes when she woke up in the morning. Knowing she'd be in bed with us when she awakened, we hung streamers from the ceiling with the number "5" dangling from the chandelier. Sure enough, the first words out of her mouth that morning were, "Hey! It's my Birthday!" You should have seen the smile on her face - adorable!

Next, we got dressed and took her out to get donuts. Bummer, but the donut store was closed for the Holidays so we took her to a pastry shop where they specialize in cupcakes. She got the Pink Velvet one with a little snowman buried in white frosting. What little girl could resist that? We then took her and her treat over to Starbucks where Annie, Victoria, Willow, Poppy and I enjoyed one last egg-nog latte of the season (well, actually the girls didn't exactly have a latte). When we left it looked like the girls dumped the vacuum cleaner bag all over the floor underneath the table with their crumbs and all (and it wasn't even a pastry from Starbucks). Oh well, the trivial trials of toddlers.

After that we headed over to the new Lafayette Library where the girls picked up several children's books and perused them in one of the nice children's cubbies installed there. What a nice library. Victoria and Annie decided to walk back to the house, so I drove the girls home. While in the car I said, "Poppy, you're a whole fist full of fingers old!" She held out her hand with her fingers spread apart, still wearing that same grin she started with when she first woke up.

Then after a little rest, Annie baked a gorgeous cake with Poppy, replete with pink frosting and tons of peppermint candy canes. We all ate dinner together and then let her open her presents. Her favorite one of all was from Grandma and Grandpa; a new, blue, sparkly dress-up that made her feel like Cinderella. When she blew the candles out of the cake we asked her what she wished for and she said, "That this blue dress would last forever." Good job Mom & Dad! Poppy got a chance to talk to her Grandma & Grandpa that night on the telephone, and she also got a nice birthday call from her big brother, Austin.

I'm pretty sentimental about all of this stuff, really (just ask my family). I told Poppy that I didn't want her to grow up anymore because it makes me sad. (I almost can't stand to watch old home videos of our children when they were young). Poppy said that she couldn't stop growing up and wanted to get bigger. (Didn't we all back then?) Willow could see that I was make-believing sadness and all with a big frown on my face (sort of make-believe and sort of real), and she quickly stepped in to assuage my melancholy state by saying, "I stay whittle foe you, DaDa. Don't be sad." Willow's the little peacemaker in the house, and also knows how to put on the charm to draw attention to herself.

Poppy wanted to sleep in her new blue dress that night, but we told her she could wear it again in the morning. First thing she said when she woke up the next day, "I want to put on my blue dress." And so she did. (You can wear that dress your whole life Poppy, just don't get any bigger.) Glad the next fist full of fingers won't open up for her for another five years. Her next birthday will require two hands to display her age, though. Boo hoo!

(P.S. - The night before Poppy's birthday we took her to the Merry-Go-Round at Tilden Park. Magical!)

From Two with Too Many Fists Full of Fingers,

Christmas - 2009

A wonderful Christmas for us Kruggel's (except for missing Austin & Meagan and my Mom & Dad). Lot's of gifts (although thankfully far less than last year), good food (maybe more than last year), and most of all time with family. Perhaps the best gift of all was our time together around the fireplace, after opening all of our gifts and buried in wrapping paper, just talking about the push and pull of living in an affluent country, making our lives count for Jesus and walking a holy life before God. Annie asked, "What's more important and valuable: Living a private life of devotion before God by basking in the warmth of His Word day in and day out, or sacrificially living every second of your life giving it away for the sake of others?" I responded, "You cannot separate the two, they're linked arm in arm." She immediately replied, "I don't like that answer because I don't know how you can have both." (Lest many of you think we're this super-spiritualized family, let me assure you we don't have these kind of conversations often enough.) Here's the dilemma; Annie's in school, so is Barret, pursuing her education. She looks all around her and reads about (sees hundreds of) people her age out in the countryside, sometimes in the hinterlands, sacrificially laying down their lives for Jesus. Which is more valuable? Both Victoria and I know how she feels, and we feel for all young people (and older folks I suppose) wrestling with the quandary of how to practically live their lives for Jesus in the here and now no matter where they find themselves. It always looks more glamorous, more holy out there. But is it? Victoria and I think not. It's hard being a Christian here, being surrounded by so much, knowing that there are so many out there with much less. Yet what are we to do? Loath the fact that we're here and bemoan our existence as Americans? Or, do we recognize the need, do what we can with the meager means we have and accept that God also has great purposes for us where we are? Like going to work day in and day out, living a life of ambassadorship for Jesus there, slowly but surely impacting others with our walk and our talk of forgiveness, grace and mercy. Not all are called to be out there, so we take where we are and make it count in the moment for Jesus believing that the "out there" is right here. We know these are struggles for people like my eldest son and his wife, Austin and Meagan. We know these are struggles for Annie and others like her in college. We know these are struggles for people even like Victoria and me.

All we can do is look at the tapestry of God's perfect design and conclude that His image is made complete not in the one, but in the many. It's sort of like that classic Christmas movie that I love so much, It's A Wonderful Life. The world would be a different place if God had not perfectly orchestrated my existence, the existence of each and every one of us to be who we are and where we are at the moment. The beauty of His handiwork is seen when all of the parts are situated in their perfect jigsaw puzzle place. Without Annie where she is there would be that frustrating missing spot on the puzzle-board, looking so incomplete and barren without it. This world needs Annie, it needs Victoria, it needs my children, it needs you, and it needs me. Where it breaks down most is when I want to be all of the jigsaw pieces; just ain't gonna happen.

Victoria and I agree that our conversation this morning was the best part of our Christmas day this year, 2009. I hope to remember and reflect upon this, praying for Annie, for Barret, for Austin and Meagan, for Victoria and for all us Christians that wrestle with our stations in life. "Thank you, Lord, for such a perfect Christmas gift today. You knew exactly what I, what we needed."

Goodbye Christmas, 2009,

Travel Approval!!!

Today, on Christmas Eve, the very day Victoria thought, we received Travel Approval (known in the adoption world as "TA"). What a wonderful Christmas gift, bringing greater definition to our plans beginning in 2010. It looks like we'll need to be in China on the 24th of January so we can meet, greet and welcome Xiao Qian into our family the following day, the 25th (that's a Monday). We're going to sit tight before making any definitive travel plans until after the Christmas Holiday because we need to have our Consulate date nailed down before we can book flights. Everything revolves around that Consulate date. So, basically, we're looking at almost exactly one month from today when all of this wonder begins to unfold. Unbelievable!

We called Austin & Meagan to let them know about these dates so they can begin planning on their end. I think it's nice for them to have some definition as well.

Victoria laid the groundwork with Barret's high school teachers to allow him to travel to China with us if he wants to. Most of his teachers have responded that this could work just fine, provided he take a lot of homework along with him. He'll have to be disciplined to do studies while we're away, but I don't think that would be a problem for him. We've now asked Barret to faithfully pray about this and give us his answer about whether he'd like to go or not by next Wednesday. After that we'll begin the process to obtain our VISA's. We're hoping that Barret will come along.

We're enjoying a relaxing day around the house today, preparing for this evening and tomorrow. We're all missing Austin and Meagan a lot, this being our first Christmas away from one another. We're also missing my Mom & Dad who would have normally been with us but finding it difficult to travel these days. Poppy's quote of the day while running wildly around the house with Willow in complete jubilee, "This is the best day ever!"

Merry Christmas!

Tom (& Victoria)

"I Want Momma, I Want Momma!"

Just the other night I came home a little late (the Holidays make for some long days). Victoria was out with a friend of hers, while Barret stayed home with the girls. The moment I walked through the garage door I saw and heard our little Pop-Tart weeping her tiny eyes out. These were what we commonly refer to in our home as alligator tears, and they were sincere and from the heart. In her whimpering voice she muddled, "I want Momma, I want Momma!" This is certainly not the first time this has happened, but it's becoming much more frequent these days. Whenever Victoria leaves for even a short period, Poppy becomes overly anxious and sort of loses all sense of bearing (although this is not the case when she's dropped off for Kindergarten, AWANA or Sunday School). My tender heart couldn't help but feel very sorry for her, while her older brother was a bit exasperated by it all (can't say I really blame him; those situations are really hard when you're in the heat of the "battle" and feel so helpless). Willow was sad, but holding it together because she doesn't like it when anyone is upset in the household. She's our family peacemaker and frequently checks in on anyone that isn't exhibiting the cheeriest of dispositions to see if she can't figure it out and turn perceived melancholy moments by 180 degrees.

When I saw Poppy's meltdown that night I immediately started to become anxious about our upcoming travels to China, possibly leaving the girls behind and all. I wondered how she'll ever survive, and more frighteningly, how Austin and Meagan will survive. I'm confident that whatever happened to this little girl while in China and losing her mommy and daddy at about six months of age has left indelible marks of attachment disorder that will take extra doses of patience, love and time to heal, not to mention the grace of God. She's also wired and created in such a way that she's naturally a worrier, thus taking on a common characteristic of most of us Kruggel's, even though she doesn't possess our genes. Willow's nothing like this now, and I hope she doesn't begin to imbibe what Victoria and I dislike most about our own constitutions.

In chatting with Victoria (and Annie, Brian - Annie's boy- friend, and Barret) last night around the dinner table, Victoria said that she shared this latest incident with Poppy with a friend of hers and expressed our angst about leaving Poppy behind. Her retort to Victoria was that if we reverse direction now we may be shunning the Lord's provision and miraculous grace to provide Austin and Meagan when we were running out of time and options to finalize our travel plans. That thought had never dawned on me, and I was immediately grateful for her perspective. I believe she's right. God, at just the right moment and with just the right people, provided what appears to be the perfect solution to our traveling decisions, and also that He can intervene and supply Poppy, Austin, Meagan (and even Willow) with just the right amounts of grace, peace, love and fortitude to press through our absence with joy and great reward.

I share this with you so that you may continue, if you're so inclined, to pray for us, and especially Poppy, Austin and Meagan (Willow too) as we work through and prepare for our departure. This is the kind of dependence I long for because it forces us into the bosom of Jesus, but when it comes I sometimes start to lose faith.

Our Travel Approval (TA) from China should be coming within the next week or two. Until then, we continue to prepare mentally, emotionally and spiritually for this significant life change, and also rest in this time with our family (Annie's home now from Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo) during the Christmas celebration break.

Praying for Our Sweet Little Pop-Tart,

Tom (& Victoria)

Under Construction

You might have noticed that the header of our blog, title and caption have just changed. That's because we're currently reformatting it in anticipation of our next trip to China to find Xiao Qian. There will be a lot more blog changes coming down the pike as we're currently working with another adoptive family in the country to customize it with nice, soothing colors and designs. We've been wanting to do this for awhile now, so the impending trip has served as the impetus to just make it happen. We'll also be opening up our blog so it's not password protected even though we realize we're exposing ourselves to others who may find fault with us across a broad continuum of issues, but we've determined that the Lord has strengthened us to a point where our convictions are now stronger than our concern for personal protection and shielding.

The new title, "Adopted for Life", (changed from "On Our Way to Willow Rae") is a theme of our lives and family. Adoption for us has a much broader and meaningful definition than in just the traditional sense, embracing the words of Jesus Himself when He promised he wouldn't leave us as orphans, but eternally rescue us from the fatherless estate we originally found ourselves in. Not only that, but He will eventually come again and snatch us into His bosom where He currently resides with His Father. And the photograph is of one of our favorite places on earth, The Crosses at the Box "R" Ranch in Oregon. The empty cross is symbolic of His guaranteed return and a reminder of the peaceful presence we now share in Jesus.

So keep watching for more edits along the way, hopefully ones you'll enjoy and also find helpful. Victoria and I (and the entire family) are grateful for your continued support, love and interest.

Adopted for Life,

Tom (& Victoria)

Who Will Travel, Who Will Stay?

One of our most challenging dilemmas about traveling abroad to bring Xiao Qian home is who to bring with us. Do we bring Barret, especially during this Junior year of high school, a very critical period of time that plays a high level of importance into college entrance, just a year a half a way from now? Do we bring the girls, Poppy and Willow, knowing that they're joined at the hip to each other, and especially to their Mom (and me, I guess, but to a lesser degree)? Do we bring just one of the girls and leave the other behind? We cannot possibly ask Annie to come because she'd simply miss too much of her college studies, so that's just out of the question. Do we ask friends from church to watch our children since we don't have any immediate family near by? Do we fly family in to watch our children? (Our sweet sister-in-law Patty offered to fly in from Hawaii.) Do we bring the girls and Barret, thereby significantly adding to our travel costs? What are the benefits of having children there with us when we meet Xiao Qian and spend those first few weeks together establishing important bonds? Would Poppy and Willow add to the confusion and chaos, or bring a distracting sense of calm? Would Barret, being 17 years old, add a spirit of comfort for Xiao Qian? We can't ask Barret to stay behind and watch the girls because he's got to spend too much time at school each day, and probably isn't quite up to that level of responsibility anyway (not meant to be pejorative). These questions have haunted us for months now, and we've just had to take these things to the Lord and rest knowing that it will all eventually work itself out.

While in Oregon at the Box "R" Ranch for Thanksgiving, Austin and Meagan approached us and asked how we'd feel if they came to California and watched the girls for us while we're in China? "Really?", we replied in shock and amazement, not ever dreaming that such a possibility even existed. After exploring it further with them, they explained that Austin's firm has a satellite office in San Jose, just about an hour south of our home, that he might be able to work from while living in our house. Meagan hasn't landed a job in Colorado that she's comfortable with, so she's free to travel with Austin if this was something his firm would consider. Both Victoria and I got really excited about this, so we asked Austin to explore it further and get back to us. Well, just this last week he let us know that his company was very open to this and just wanted a few more details about dates, etc... We couldn't believe it, and are so relieved that this option popped up, which seems to be more of a reality with each passing day. Just when you think you're out of ideas, the Lord brings one into your lap that is out of the clear blue, and it happens to probably be the best alternative of any by far.

So here's what we're thinking at this point, and we know there are varying philoso- phies about who to bring with you when traveling abroad, especially when adopting an older child like Xiao Qian. As much as we would love to have the girls (Poppy & Willow) with us while we travel, we feel our care for them with all of the challenges of navigating through a foreign country will simply distract us too much from focusing on Qian. They will sorely miss us, and it will certainly be a hardship on them to have us gone and away for so long, but they'll no doubt survive and will also be in wonderful, loving care with Austin and Meagan. (We probably won't tell the girls about this until about a week or two before we leave. No need to cause them to fret too far in advance. We'll certainly not say anything until the Holiday season is over.) We are, however, trying to talk Barret into tagging along because we think that his presence will, indeed, supply some comfort and peace to Qian, you know, being a little closer in age and all. He'd also be of huge assistance to Victoria and me. He was a savior to us when we picked up Wu Hui Xuan (Willow), and we're confident he would be the same for us on this trip. We know it's going to be difficult on him to be away from school for so long, but we think we can talk with the various teachers to make it all work out. Our sense is that they're going to be both sympathetic and supportive.

Please continue to pray for us as we map out all of our plans in the weeks ahead. Right now it's looking like we might travel to China around the middle of January or so. We're really, really, really starting to get excited, but have much work to do between now and then.

Zai Jian (Good-Bye),

Tom (& Victoria)

What Will Her Name Be?

Many people have asked us what we'll name Xiao Qian when she's a member of the Kruggel family. Truth is, we don't know. We love all of our children's names, and worked hard to find ones that we enjoyed and thought they'd enjoy too. As is quite evident, we have a theme going with our new adoptive children, Poppy and Willow. Two syllables, plant life, colorful, cheery and peaceful (although some don't think of Willow trees as cheery, but do think of them as peaceful), easy to pronounce and remember, etc... We have some thoughts about what we want to name Xiao Qian, but as with most names they engender strong reactions from various members of our family, some very positive and some not quite so positive. In fact, some of those family reactions are quite visceral.

We just found out that her English "given" name in China is Alysee. I don't know that she ever really uses that or is even very attached to it. When we first found her on the listing for adoptees, her name given by the agency was Lana (some may remember seeing that). She may be the most re-named girl on the face of the planet.

Victoria and I decided that we're going to hold off giving her a name until we meet her. We have several that we like (and will keep to ourselves for now), but want to communicate with her as best we can upon first acquaintance to see what she thinks, wants and feels. We love the fact that her given Chinese name means "beautiful", and from everything that we can see and know thus far, she sure is. At a minimum we'll probably end up keeping Xiao Qian as a middle name, like we've similarly done for Poppy and Willow.

So for now we'll just sit in suspense and wait upon that moment when we meet her to determine what we'll call her for the rest of her life. Just writing about this makes me (us) excited.

Waiting Upon the Lord,

Tom (& Victoria)

(P. S. - The picture of Xiao Qian above is the very first picture we ever saw of her. She likes the peace sign.)

New Pictures of Xiao Qian

During our Thanksgiving break in Oregon, Victoria and I anxiously awaited an update on Xiao Qian from our contact in China, Angela. She was going to try to get updated photographs of her and forward them to us, while at the same time giving her another care package from us. Upon returning home we immediately opened our e-mail boxes, but there were no updates from Angela. But, lo and behold, the next morning an e-mail from Angela came through with some wonderful pictures attached. I'm interspersing them here within this post for you to enjoy.

I've carefully studied each one of them to try to read, perhaps more than I should, into them. As I closely examine the pictures, I can't help but believe she's an adorable little girl, both inside and out. It's not for these that we adopt, but it is refreshing to stare into those eyes on the screen, and look at that smiling face, and sense there's something remarkable there. I get the feeling that she's very content, as much as she could be, with this upcoming and traumatic change that she's about to embark upon. I could be wrong, and this will not stop me from praying for her night and day, but I do resonate with a certain peace that God has perhaps touched her with. I pray my intuition is correct.

She also looks very healthy to me; emotionally, physically, mentally, etc... Since God's timing is always perfect, I suspect He's ordained this period of her life to change at just the right moment when she's at a peak and "hitting on all cylinders". He's done that for us too.

Finally, I can see that she, like all of us, wants to fit in, be noticed and loved. The traditional "peace sign" symbol formed by her left hand (in two of the pictures) signals to me that she's trying to connect, trying to fit in, and trying to be noticed. I take this as a good sign, and one that we can help fulfill with a very non-threatening and loving home.

I'm enraptured by these pictures, and really can't stop looking at them. I take a gander several times a day, and in the one where she's kneeling (below) I've made that my wallpaper screen on both my laptop and my cellular telephone. Victoria has another picture of Xiao Qian on her cellular telephone so that we'll constantly have here at the forefront of our minds whenever we see her face, and also remember to pray for her whenever we can.

Looking forward with great antici- pation to next month.

Warmly in Christ,

Tom (& Victoria)