R Revolving Door

Our household feels so much like a revolving door at times. Austin & Meagan are in, then they're out. Xiao Qian's in, and thankfully staying in. Barret's at a point where less than a year from now he'll be out. And then you just have the normal course-of-life stuff, like me off to work and then back, the little girls off to school and then back, Barret's off to work and then back.

But the latest swing of the revolving door that caught my foot between it and the threshold was Annie's recent departure back to college. This will be her last and final senior year, and she stayed with us over the summer while doing a couple of graphic design internships. Last Sunday we helped pack all of her things up and load them into her car. It was sort of like Groundhog Day because we've deja-vu-ed this scene on several different occasions in the past. But this time was unique for me, only because I caught a glimpse of something that is usually a little foggier.

While standing in the culdesac with Victoria, Willow and Poppy, Annie started her car. I could see Poppy's face out of the corner of my eye, staring at her oldest sister who's elbow was peering out of an open window and her face turned toward us. With only a slight glance at Poppy, an indelible vision pierced my heart. I ended up taking a double-take, and then turned toward Poppy only to see the most forlorn look on the sweetest little face I've ever seen. Her lower lip was wet and droopy, and her eyes were wells of water. With a soft whisper Poppy said, "I wish Annie didn't have to go." I was feeling the same way at that moment, but it wasn't until I saw Poppy's face that it really hit me. I could hardly control my own pressure packed flood gate, and then couldn't hold back a few tears as we waved good-bye while her car turned the corner and then out of sight. I (we) will miss Annie, no doubt, but I will forever be moved by the powerful love-bond that exists between Annie and Poppy. Annie was there from the very beginning (along with all of us), but she's "mothered" Poppy in second position to Victoria whenever Victoria's needed a breather. They laugh a lot together, and often sleep next to each other while snuggled in the trundle bed. Annie's changed her diapers, cradled her to sleep, fed her a bottle, bathed her body, cuti-fied her hair, taken her on special dates, dressed her up, disciplined her and loved her as a her own - she is her own. And this latest revolution of the revolving door now separates those experiences, but the memories live on. There's something about the two of them that at that moment sent me into a tailspin of "good-bye" grief, realizing that "r" revolving door of life will never stop spinning. With each revolution, we're watching the hand of God do what He's always done, and that's prepare the next generation to carry on what He's begun in us, and what He began in Victoria's and my parents, and their parents, and so on.

Sometimes Victoria and I just want the revolving to stop, to stand still if you will. We love each other so much, it pains all of us to be caught in its spin. We have visions of stepping out of the door and cocooning in seclusion. For now, we're indebted and grateful beyond expression that we still all have one another, even if it's at times from a distance.