My Magnetic North

If you’ve been following our blog lately, you know I’ve been in China this week on a business trip. I’m now returning on the long leg home with almost the same amount of time on my hands as that of when I wrote my entry of September 26^th (or thereabouts – I’ve sort of lost track of time). As you might have deduced, I’ve wrestled greatly about the separation from my family, much more than I could possibly convey in written word. I worried of the miles between us to the point of almost getting an upset stomach. My sleep patterns had anything but a pattern, and my appetite was constricted. So physically speaking, this trip has done a number on my body. I’ve tried to stay close to the Lord and allow Him to be my portion (cf. Numbers 18:20b). There’s been no other portion for me to have. And while I wish I could say that it satisfied, it didn’t, at least not completely and all the time. God’s always in the business of satisfying, but I’m afraid I’m not always in the business of being satisfied by Him.

With the extra time on my hands while alone at night (at the same time as most of you were just waking up from a night’s sleep), I had plenty opportunity to think, pray and read. I went on long walks, perhaps miles (kilometers over there), mulling over and over and over again a myriad of thoughts, memories and reflections. All of this while immersed in a sea of people, but it was almost as if they were not there. I couldn’t get my family off my mind, and so anxiety set in until I was able come back to my magnetic north that pointed me where I needed.

Here’s where the compass pulled me, and Jesus spoke to me with these words, “Why are you so afraid?” (Mark 4:40a) “I don’t know why I’m afraid, my Lord”, I responded. “Help me with my fear.” (cf. Mark 9:24) When Jesus asked this question of the disciples who thought they were going to perish at the hands of the storm, their fear turned to a different kind, one of awe. They had just witnessed power to such a degree that even the wind and the waves fell subject to His command. There was a hush in their midst. The author, Mark, says “… there was a great calm”. (Mark 4:39b) I felt it then at that moment when He whispered those words into my ear, even though I thought the surge of the sea was crashing in around me. It comes when all other things are tuned out and I listen to the Word of Life, Truth. There are two places where I “hear” this calm. One is at the hands of the instrument, like Saul when David played the harp for him at times of distress. (cf. I Samuel) Sweet melody and lyric (music) of the kind that exalt Jesus bring me to that place. The other is much more powerful, and that’s at the hands of the Book. For Jesus alone possesses “the words of eternal life”. (John 6:68b) They’re “… perfect, restoring the soul;” They’re “sure, making wise the simple.” They’re “right, rejoicing the heart;” They’re “pure, enlightening the eyes.” They’re “clean, enduring forever;” They’re “true; they are righteous altogether. They are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb.” (Psalm 19:7-10)

I’m moving away from the sun, and it has quickly become dark. My daylight has been cut short, so I shall sleep, now while you sleep. When I awake, I will almost be home. My good friend Huang, from China, who I spent most of my time with while there, told me that I should sleep with my head pointed north because the magnetic pull is good for my blood flow. I’m afraid I’m sitting east/west and cannot turn the plane in a different direction. That’s O. K., I’d rather have poor circulation to reach my destination than any physical gain from pointing toward the poles. For now I’m calm again, in the presence of Jesus who just set the sun. “Do not be afraid” (Mark 6:50b), He gently says to me… He says to you.