Another List?

Austin,

When we were together in Colorado one week ago today, on the way up to the Rockies you asked me if I could share with you anything about my marriage to Mom that might help you in your marriage to Meagan. We talked about a lot of things that day and the day following, but I told you I'd do the best I could to try to record some of them for you. Well here they are, to the best of my recollection, and I've since thought of a few more as well (they are listed in no particular order of priority or importance):

1. Carefully choose the couples you decide to chum with in the early stages of your marriage. The influence of modeling from others has a strong shaping effect upon us, more than we probably give it credit for. Couples that desire to live their lives as a reflection of the relationship Jesus has with His bride (His loved ones) are the ones you should seek.
2. Establish habits early on that force you to focus upon one another in isolation from others. Mom and I had a few hang-outs we'd retreat to get away to allow our marriage to build a firm foundation. Some of those routines we still cherish today, and they've helped build strong roots that run deep into fertile soil.
3. Determine early on that you'll pray for your wife everyday. It doesn't have to be the same time each day, or even the same things (of course), but she needs more than your physical presence and affection; she also needs your spiritual commitment to her soul.
4. Don't commit yourselves to regular or demanding extra curricular activities during the first twelve months of your marriage. You should be selfish about your time with one another and jealous of interferences that prevent you from just being together for the sake of being together.
5. Never say a bad word about your wife to anyone. You must always uphold her dignity, character and purity. If you possess a concerning thought about her, deal with it on your own or directly with her. Remember that Jesus never once issued a critical remark to others about His loves, only gentle and compassionate rebukes directly and without apology.
6. Open yourself up to her immediately and often, sharing transparently your struggles and difficulties in life, but at the same time never allowing the strength of your leadership to come into question. It's a fine tightrope to walk, but your example will help her also be real with you and permit her to follow with respect and adoration.
7. Defer to her desires more often than you think you should, especially when it's evident that any hesitancy to do so is prompted by your own hedonistic propensities (and we all have them) to attend to yourself. Stop and ask yourself, "What is her request of me really costing but a fraction of the cost Jesus' love was expended for me?"
8. Cheerfully do things around the home that are traditionally thought of by others and our culture as "the wife's responsibility". There's no such thing in my "book". Wash dishes, vacuum the house, run errands, tend to the kids, change those messy diapers, get up at three in the morning to settle a restless child, and make a meal. She'll love you more for it, although that should never be your motive.
9. Buy things for her (and your children) before you ever think about spending money on yourself. This may come naturally for you, but you'll still have moments when you wish you could have just that one thing you've always longed for but never got it because there just isn't enough money to go around for everyone, the least of which is you. In the end, you'll be much happier in the long run anyway.
10. Learn quickly to lay down hobbies and desires that distract you from your wife and family. Don't get enmeshed in sports, activities, events, and the like that frequently and consistently pull you away from her, especially if they're things she's not particularly fond of. Besides, most of these things are fleeting anyway and you'll quickly learn that they're worth giving up.
11. Go to extra lengths to guard your eyes and your heart from darting to and fro. Everywhere you turn the world is tempting you to seek self pleasure at the expense of your wife. Don't go there or believe it; it's a lie and a deception masked in the idea that a little here and a little there won't hurt anyone. O' does it ever, not the least of which is your Savior and the one you've promised your fidelity to until you close your eyes and see your Jesus standing before you in heaven.
12. Give, give, give, and love, love, love until it hurts. When it starts to feel like it's costing you something, then you've arrived to the place you were always designed to be in relation to her. Remember it's never enough, and that's O. K., because when you start to feel like it is enough then you've just entered the "danger zone".

Gosh, Austin, now that I've started writing I feel the list could go on and on. But at the expense of repeating myself, I think I'll stop here. Most of these things I learned on my own (and have far from mastered by the way) by watching others, making tons of mistakes, listening to your wise mother and eventually becoming more intimately acquainted with Jesus. Know that I'm always available to you and would lay down anything for you to chat about your marriage to Meagan, both in the good and the hard times (and there will be some of the later because you're both human). Your Mom feels the same way, of course.

We're just one week away and we can't wait to joyously celebrate the holiness of this sacred event, and to watch you and Meagan join into the perfect design God created for the joy of His people and glory of His fame.

Mom & I Love You and Meagan (as does Annie, Barret, Poppy & Willow),

Dad