I've always been one of those dads that wants their kids to get as much out of life as possible, and as long as they're in my home and I can have some influence over that I will encourage them to explore just about anything their minds can imagine (within reason of course). I guess that's because I grew up in a similar environment. My dad always challenged me to reach for my dreams and he wasn't afraid to stretch my boundaries beyond most parents' comfort zones, especially my mom's. By way of example I was scuba-diving on solo overnight excursions near remote Philippine islands when I was 14 and sky-diving by the time I was 16. Every time I walked back through that front door after testing my limits I know my mother breathed a sigh of relief. How any of us survive childhood is a miracle in and of itself, and certainly a testament to the grace of God.
In that same vein, for many years I have imbibed the cultural phenomenon that it's better to wait a long time before children get married. Never mind my own example by marrying Victoria when I was but 23 and she 24 (yes, she robbed the cradle). I wanted my kids to go for the gusto, reach for the stars and get as much out of life's experience as possible before settling down with a spouse. Deep down I know my children knew I felt this way. We even joked about it from time to time (they were joking to see if I'd crack, but I wasn't joking at all). I bought our cultural indoctrination hook, line and sinker without really giving it a critical thought. I've since come a full 180 degrees on that position.
Here's my rationale for changing my mind, and I'll start with myself:
- Looking back over the last 27-plus years of my married life, they've been better than all the exhilaration I collectively experienced before I got married. Sure, free-falling at terminal velocity with your face toward the earth and nothing between you but the passing distance of air that gets squeezed with each fleeting second is extreme, but what's that momentary pleasure compared to an endless bounty of love standing by your side? It's incomparable. And who am I fooling to think that there's just as much, if not more to life than being single and selfishly indulging myself over giving myself over to someone else? What a fool I was.
- And then there's the whole sex-crazed cancer that has infiltrated the minds of most young people that men and women must "test the waters" before settling down with only one. What is that? That's all the more reason young people ought to consider getting married much earlier than the statistical norm, to avoid the temptation of doing precisely what the tempter dressed in sheep's clothing would have us do.
- Finally there's the whole notion that men and women must be financially secure before they enter into matrimony. So just when does that happen? I'm no more financially secure today than I was 27 years ago. Sure, I have more money, but that doesn't make me financially secure. Life is a risk, and every day I wake up I walk by faith that God will supply all of my/our needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus (cf. Philippians 4:19).
So here's to Austin and Meagan, married at almost the exact same age as Victoria and me, and here's to all of those other young people who have chosen to marry young by contrast to American standards. I know I'm swimming up-stream on this one, but that's where I feel most comfortable. (So what else is new?)
I'm journaling about this to go on record and set the record straight with my children, not to mention that I ask for their forgiveness for impressing upon them a random expectation that has nothing to do with a Biblical worldview. May God erase my wrongs, and permit my children to live in the liberty of what's good and right in Jesus.
Getting this off my chest,
Tom
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