Last Day On Earth

Running along San Francisco's waterfront Embarcadero on a breezy, but bright Friday noon-time work break, I worshipped on my iPod in a fresh way following his daughter's untimely death to some of Stephen Curtis Chapman's older tunes. Serendipitously, about a mile into the run the next song began with a slow and somewhat melancholy melody. The words he sung went like this;

I pull over the side of the road and I

Watch the cars pass me by

The headlights and the black limousines tell me

Someone is saying goodbye

I bow my head and I whisper a prayer, "Father,

Comfort their broken hearts"

And as I drive away there's a thought that I

I cannot escape, no I, I cannot escape this thought

I can't get away

Oh, if this should be my last day on this earth

How then shall I live

Oh, if this should be the last day that I have

Before I breathe the air of Heaven

Let me live it with abandon to

The only thing that remains

After my last day here on earth

Rounding the corner of a small brick building next to AT&T Park, I saw ahead a faded, but still somewhat colorful wreath tied to a palm tree encircling a picture of a young man dressed in a baseball uniform. Drawing closer, the letters of his name came into focus and I stopped to read some of the notes from childhood relatives attached to Anthony's memorial. "I don't miss you a little, I miss you a lot..." And, "I know you cannot hear me because you're dead, but I'm still going to say it, 'I love you'..."

The timing of the song and the encounter with this lifeless stranger were no accident. This San Francisco Giants fan lived a short 19 years and something, I know not what, took his life. How did he live his last days here on earth? Did he know his last day(s) would be his last?

Now, two men I've never met, one grieving and one deceased, have left indelible marks of grace upon my life. Today I live as if it were my last day on earth. So I say to my mother and my father, to my sister and my wife, to my sons and my daughters, and to my Jesus, "I love you". May tomorrow come so that I may do it again, "... with abandon to the only thing that remains after my last day here on earth", Him and us.

Life is good,

Tom

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Well, yesterday Victoria and I heard some pretty "profound" things come out of the mouth of our babe, Poppy. Let me share two of those with you.

While meeting with a group of families (including our Pastors) from our church over at a friend's house, Victoria was able to explain a few of the potty challenges Poppy had while we were in China, all of which really centered around her utter disdain for the type of toilets used in Asia (more of a hole in the floor than a raised seated bowl we're used to here). When Poppy had to go to the bathroom in China, she would just hold it forever until she almost made herself sick while waiting to find a bathroom with fixtures she was comfortable with. Poppy listened to her mother explain this conundrum to our friends, and later when one of our Pastors asked during a share-time what we can thank God for today, she said without any guile, "That we don't have yucky potties, but nice ones." Yes, we can give God thanks for some of the simple pleasures of life, even these.

On a more serious note, at church Victoria and I were given a wonderful opportunity to share with the congregation just a little bit about our passion for children without mommies and daddies, and the profound influence our little blessings from heaven (Poppy & Willow) have been to our family. While we were waiting between the two services for the second one to start, out of the blue Poppy comes up to me and says with a most sincere voice, "Dad, thanks for taking care of Willow and me." Ohhhh, that was like warm, soothing oil poured over my love-beating heart. The timing of what she said was not only perfect given what Victoria and I had just shared with everyone, but also mysterious because I'm quite confident she never heard what we said during the first service. Well, needless to state, I'm going to cherish those words for a long time. "Thank you for that blessing, Jesus."

A very happy Daddy,

Tom

It's Hard to Share!

Soaking in a warm bathtub, Poppy thoughtfully filled her hands with liquid baby soap, rubbed them together making some fun foam, and then gingerly leaned over to her little sister and gently rubbed her wet little body all over. After carefully rinsing her off with a Tupperware bin, she proceeded to do this same routine over and over again, maybe six or seven times. She must have used half a bottle of Johnson's Baby Soap, but it was just too cute and relaxing to try to put a stop to it. Willow didn't seem to mind a bit as she was busy playing with all of the floating toys, so many that they almost covered the entire surface of the water and suds.  Every so often, while Poppy was carefully bathing her Mei Mei, she would stop and no doubt ponder the fact that Willow had reign over the entire field of toys while she was busy washing her sister. Sharing has been one of Poppy's biggest obstacles to overcome in her adjustment to becoming a Jie Jie. Then, right during one of her contemplative moments to consider her lack of control over the toy domain, she looked up at me with her deep, dark, round eyes and said ever so articulately, "Dad, it's hard to share."

"Yes, Poppy, it's hard to share."

Another Great Day with Jesus & My Precious Family,

Tom

Chapman Family Update

Below is a recent quote/update from a spokesperson about the Chapman Family's sorrow and joy, all mixed into one package that only the Master Designer could concoct:

"Thanks for all your prayers for the Chapman family. They certainly have felt the love of God over the past few days from all those who have lifted them up in prayer during this unimaginably difficult time. The name of the Lord was exalted in ways that we could never retell. We are in awe at His grace, compassion and mercy. Little Maria's life, although short, has already moved mightily in peoples lives to bring Him glory. (At the service) the entire family stood in the church as a long line of friends and acquaintances greeted them, hugged them, cried with them and loved on them. The Chapman family and Steven's ministry has obviously impacted so many. They stood there for more than 4 hours before one of the pastors finally stopped it and had hundreds still remaining in line just sit down and then Steven apologetically, but so graciously addressed the entire group. At the funeral, both Michael W. Smith and Matt Redman helped lead everyone in worship. Matt led us in a song we often sing that he wrote, "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord." It was amazing to watch the Chapman family sing with loud voices as they hugged one another, "He gives and takes away. He gives and takes away. My heart will choose to say, 'Lord, blessed be your name.'" This song will never be the same to me personally. We worshipped and sang for 30-minutes. And then the Chapman's celebrated Maria by sharing stories and talking about her for almost an hour and a half, praising God for her life and acknowledging that she was safe in the arms of Jesus. All the while pictures of Maria flashed on two big screens behind the stage - her little white casket at the foot of the stage. She was buried in the "flower girl" dress she was going to wear in Emily's upcoming wedding. Jeff Moore sang Steven's song "With Hope" which Steven wrote for a family years ago, going through the same type of tragedy. All of Maria's little friends came forward and placed a flower at the foot of the casket while Jeff sang. The Chapman's are unwavering in their love for Christ and doing well. Their entire family was a display of faith in practice at the most difficult time of their lives. No one in the family wore shoes, because the veil had been lifted for Maria. They were on "Holy Ground" and God's presence was felt. Caleb (19) said in his prayer, "while we've always been excited about Heaven, it seems so much more real now...and gets us that much more excited to be there ourselves someday. So we'll live life on Earth as if each day counts until we get there.". He also said that although they are "confused" they've never been so sure about Christ and His saving grace. Caleb likened this to one of those abstract picture s that when you're up close, you can't see what it is, but as you step back, you start to see what the artist wants you to see. He said, "And this is a big picture, so we may have to stand waaayyy back."... but we will see what the Artist has designed and what the picture is. He has his dad's wisdom - well beyond his years. Emily Chapman (22) just got engaged and said that after the proposal, Maria was the only one who asked, "What did you say?". Maria asked it multiple times. (Of course Emily said "yes" to her future husband). But Emily addressed the 3000+ crowd and turned Maria's question back to everyone listening in regards to their answer to Christ's proposal to each of us,. "What did you say?". Powerful under these circumstances. The good news of the Gospel was presented four times throughout the ceremony by the family. Steven was a rock and just gave all the glory to God. The model of a humble, Godly man. His humility and appreciation for everyone there, which was a testament to his character and his sincere faith and love for his God and His son, Jesus Christ. He just kept reminding us that "Heaven is real." Steven shared that after the accident, in the hospital, he held Maria's lifeless body and cried out to God. He cried out, asking to somehow see some kind of sign that she was going to be okay...to see that she was going to be safe. When they got home that night, they found the last picture Maria drew on that Wednesday afternoon on her little art table (she loved to draw!). It was a flower and a butterfly and folded in half like a card. When Steven opened the card up, she had written one word on the inside - a word he didn't even know she knew how to spell. It was "See." A simple answer to his cry to 'see' that she was safe. Please keep praying for them. They are worn out, sad and yet rejoicing in the Lord. Please pray for Will Franklin Chapman. He seems to be the one that is having the hardest time and struggling with the guilt of the accident. It truly was an accident. Will pulled the car into the driveway and because the family was throwing a party that night for Caleb's graduation, he decided to back the car up onto the grass just as Maria ran out behind the car to welcome him home. There was no way for him to know that Maria was behind that car. The Lord was ready to take Maria home. He knew the number of her days. Will stood with Maria's favorite pink blanket draped over his shoulders both days. All in all God was glorified. Praise Him for His sovereign ways."

Sleep Is Definitely Not Over-Rated

Driving into our driveway last night, this is what I saw when I opened my car door. What a wonderful sight for a Daddy of five.

Willow has managed to sleep through the night, in her own crib, for three evenings in a row. Now that's sweet. Poppy's even managed to fall asleep in her own bed (as opposed to ours), but she somehow always manages to awake from her internal alarm clock and crawl into bed with us around 1:00 a.m. or so. Keep in mind that both of the girls are sleeping in our room until we can free up some more space in our home so that we can spread out a little more. I know that some might think it's crazy that we allow our children to sleep in our room, and even in our own bed, but there are just some things we refuse to get uptight about on this second go around with young children, and this is one of them. I'm sure there will be no permanent damage done. Selfishly, I like cuddling up to all of the girls under the covers. I just can't stop touching their little feet; I love 'em!

Barret's last day of school was today, and he's off for the summer. He's so relieved and excited. Here he is (below) celebrating with his little sisters in the hammock. Annie's finished with her second year of junior college as well, and she's off to work at Mount Hermon (where this whole thing started with the introduction of Victoria and me back in 1979) in about a week and a half. Boy are we going to miss her. Austin moves into the tenth week of the final quarter of the year (known as "dead week") next week, and then the following week has finals before he finishes up his fifth year (now in graduate school). We feel for him; pretty stressful right now.

There are so many deep thoughts I've had recently that I want to journal, but I'm just so tired at night. I'll try to reflect and post some of those things soon (nothing terribly profound; just Tom being Tom).

Until our next post,

Tom

(BTW: I posted a video of some of our first moments with Willow right after we got her to the right, in the margin. Look for "Lullabies".)

Some Staggering Statistics

I was just doing a little research on children without mommies and daddies, and was staggered by what I read (assuming the sources are reliable, which they appear to be):

• Every 15 SECONDS, another child becomes an AIDS orphan in Africa. (1)
• Every DAY 5,760 more children become orphans.
• Every YEAR 2,102,400 more children become orphans (in Africa alone).
  
• 143,000,000 (2) Orphans in the world today spend an average of 10 years (3) in an orphanage or foster home .
• Approximately 250,000 children are adopted annually, but…
• Every YEAR 14,050,000 children still grow up as orphans and AGE OUT (4) of the system.
• Every DAY 38,493 children AGE OUT.
• Every 2.2 SECONDS, another orphan child AGES OUT with no family to belong to and no place to call home.

1. http://www.habitatforhumanity.org.uk/current_appeal.htm.

2. According to figures from the United Nations. These statistics include children in the American Foster Care system.

3. This is an estimate. Infants may stay as long as 18 years while children who become orphans at an older age stay a shorter time.

4. To AGE OUT means to grow to the age where a child is forced to leave the orphanage or foster home with no place to call home.

I also just recently read that over 4,000 children are now orphaned in Sichuan Province from the earthquake in Chengdu, China.

This blows me away!

Tom

"Sing to God, sing praises to His name; Lift up a song for Him who rides through the deserts, Whose name is the LORD, and exult before Him. A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows, Is God in His holy habitation. God makes a home for the lonely; He leads out the prisoners into prosperity," Psalm 68:4-6

I Miss China!

I miss China. I miss just about everything about it. I've had several people recently say to me, as it's only natural to do, "I bet you're glad to be back." After hearing that, I catch myself because I don't want to be disingenuous by stating something like, "Boy, am I ever.", when I'm really not that glad to be back. On the other hand, I'm not sad to be back either; I'm just sort of in this no where land of in between. So I usually just end up responding to a greeting like that with, "Well, I just really miss China."

There's really nothing like being in a place where you're completely out of your comfort zone, can't speak the language, don't know the cultural customs, with no routine about your day at all, struggling to figure out your role as a father to a child who's a complete stranger, wondering whether you're going to have enough love to give to the rest of the children and your wife, and you're totally dependent upon one another as a family and upon God's grace. I like being stretched into the uncomfortable because it's there that I find the deepest meaning in life. And I guess I fear getting back into a comfort zone that allows me to be complacent, seeking things that bring no lasting value whatsoever, and then finding myself in a pit with what feels like no escape hatches at all.

I'm actually in a good place right now. Ruminating upon where I am in life, I caught myself mentally saying, "This may be one of my best days. I have the perfect wife, five (count them, five) unbelievable children, and the inheritance into a Kingdom of eternity with Jesus." All of this, and I know from whom it comes. I don't just know it mentally, I know Him intimately. And I want to love Jesus intimately all the more. I wish I could say that my spirit was as close as it's ever been with Him, but it's not. Ironically, at this sweet spot of life I find myself less engaged with Him as I'd like. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why I need routine, commonality, and even the mundane at times.

So, for now, I live in this place of between (ness), both physically and spiritually. I don't want to dwell here too much longer.

Wandering, just a bit,

Tom

"Chinese" Food

So for the first time in about a month Victoria and I had a couple of hours together alone.  Annie stayed home with the girls, while Barret went out to be with some friends.  We decided we'd go out and reminisce over some Chinese appetizers with the Chinese beverage of choice, a Tsingtao Beer. Only problem was that the appetizers tasted nothing like what you'd get in China, and the Tsingtao Beer cost us $3.75/bottle, as opposed to $.40/bottle in China.  

A friend of mine from work who is apparently addicted to pot stickers recently asked me if we saw or tasted any of those while over there. Nope, not one. Never saw them.  My mom and dad asked me what we drank over there since as a westerner you really shouldn't drink the water out of the tap, and I told them Tsingtao Beer and bottled water.  Wondering whether their 15 year-old grandchild also shared the same choice of drinks, I assured them that we substituted a Coca Cola for the Tsingtao Beer for him.  

Something else; when we paid our bill tonight we were served with two chocolate mints and two fortune cookies.  Of course, we never saw those over there in China either.  So why do they call the "Chinese" food we eat over here Chinese?  

And guess what Victoria's fortune out of her cookie was?  "You will have a large family!"  True story!  HA!

Tom

Our Best Day Yet!

Our best day yet!  It's amazing what a good night's sleep can do to improve our dispositions. And I'm not just talking about Willow's.  But speaking of Willow, she was happy, content, played peacefully with her sister, gently irritated the pets, and sat patiently in her car seat as I ran a few errands with her and Poppy today. In fact, both girls took great naps today, almost simultaneously, while Annie and Victoria ran out as mother and daughter to do a little shopping. What a fun day.

I put a little slide show together of my trip with Barret up to Poppy's finding place on the blog (scroll down and look on the right hand column for "Pathway to Poppy's Finding Place"). These are a few of the sights we saw on the way to her place of discovery, as well as the actual finding spot itself.

The picture to the upper left is of Willow reading her favorite book about kitty cats, and the one's below are of the two little ones helping Annie wash her car.

Tomorrow will be our first visit to our church since leaving for China about a month ago. Everyone's been so kind and gracious toward us. When we came home from the airport last Saturday, the Smith's were at our home carrying balloons, flowers, posters, food,... you name it. We've then been served with a dinner meal every night this week, freeing us up to love on Willow and adjust to our new addition to the family.  We're so thankful for the lovingkindness poured out to us by our lovely family at Grace Bible Church.

Warmly in Christ,

Tom

On Leg 1 of 10,000

This picture of Willow was taken yesterday, right after her bath (she loves her baths). She's a pretty happy camper here (sort of looks like a smiling Kung Fu fighter wielding the dangerous weapon of a soft, cushy bunny rabbit). In fact, yesterday was one of her better days since arriving home. However, according to Victoria, today isn't quite as happy for this sweet thing. She slept fairly well, again awaking around 12:30 or 1:00 a.m., this time comforted by Victoria while I tried to catch up on some much needed rest. I guess Willow finds more comfort from her Momma than she does her Baba (which is natural, of course) because she seemed to cry less with Victoria last night than she did with me the nights before. She didn't get up again until about 9:00 a.m., and only then because she was forced to wake up because of an errand Victoria had to run. Apparently Poppy's been a little tired today, showing signs of being jealous of Willow and exhibiting some general naughtiness.

We understand that it could take months before a full adjustment with Willow is complete, so until then we enjoy each moment, being encouraged by the grace our loving God is giving us, and patiently loving on her as she blossoms through life. As Victoria said today, we're "on leg 1 of 10,000, but... willing to run".

Warmly in Christ,

Tom

A Quick Update

Poppy looks like I wish I could look; sound asleep on the couch without a care in the world. She's still a bit whacked out by the new time zone, but seems to be recovering better than her little sister.  On the other hand Willow has managed to consistently wake up every night since we've arrived home, usually around 1:00 a.m. or so.  We saw some improvement last night as she was only awake from 1:00 to 3:00 a.m.  I am surprisingly energized given the lack of sleep I've had.  I keep telling everyone that I know I'm going to hit a wall sometime, but it's yet to appear. No doubt it's right around the corner.  

Matriculating back into work hasn't been as draining as I thought it would be.  My associates and colleagues were very kind to me while I was gone and exercised extreme restraint on the e-mail front.  For that I am very grateful. I work for the best people and the most wonderful company in the world.  

Today was a rewarding day with the girls.  They seem to be returning to their old selves, and this gives us some peace and comfort. This is kind of a fun picture taken today of the girls. Remember what Poppy said while at the Summer Palace in Beijing?  "Momma, ice cream make tears go away."  There's nothing like an ice-cream cone on a warm day, especially when it's enjoyed next to your sister.  We love these little munchkins.  

Warmly in Christ,

Tom

A Tragedy Beyond Imagination

This is an incomprehensible tragedy (click on link below). It was this man and his vision for adoption that the Lord used to draw us to adopt Poppy and Willow. Our hearts break, all of them.

www.tennessean.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080521/TUNEIN/80521174/1005/ENTERTAINMENT


Sober, so very soberly,

Tom

Our Yao Qiao

So, as I predicted, last night was a little rough in some ways, but much progress was made in others. The good news first; Victoria and Poppy finally got a decent night's sleep and seem to be feeling much more like themselves. The not as good news is that Willow woke up @ 1:30 a.m. (went to bed about 8:30 p.m.), so I took her out to the family room to be with her and let the rest of the family sleep. She cried off and on for over two hours. I'm convinced that she has a "combination burrito" ailment of jet-lag, residual cold recovery and a bit of some stomach adjustments to all of the foreign foods she's now eating (which are quite different from China, of course). So with all of that time in the dark morning hours, I did a lot of thinking and praying. Aside from feeling and caring for Willow, my mind just couldn't shake the trip Barret and I made almost exactly one week ago to Poppy's finding spot several hundred kilometers northwest of Guangzhou, quite near the Hunan Province boarder. I found myself mesmerized by the natives there (Yao) and praying for them as I looked out of my family room window under the light of an almost full moon. These are a fascinating group of lovely people, so I thought I'd share with you some details about them (information I found on the Internet) and the type of culture our little Yao Qiao (Poppy) came from:

More than two million Yao people live scattered throughout the mountainous regions of southern China, where they have dwelled for the past 2000 years. Yao tribes also live in Vietnam, Laos, and Thailand, and often refer to themselves as Kim Mien, or "men of the mountains."

Agriculture is the chief activity of the mountain-dwelling Yao. Even though they occupy land up to heights of 12,000 feet, they have ingeniously adapted to their landscape by carefully constructing terraced rice paddies that hang off the sides of steep cliffs.

The Yao have their own language, Mein, but it is only spoken by about half of the population. In fact, some of the Yao do not speak Mein at all, but one of many other Chinese languages.

The family unit is very important to the Yao, and divorce is a rare occurrence among them. Although some marriages are still arranged by parents, that choice is now generally left up to the young couple. The groom is usually 16 or 17 years old and his bride is perhaps four years older.

The Yao live in "extended family" situations, or with many relatives. Each house usually has a number of rooms where individual family units sleep, and one common area where meals are shared. The oldest male is considered to be the head of the household.

Traditional Yao costumes are made out of coarse blue or black cotton fabric that has been brightly decorated with multi-colored embroidery. Women's costumes are always elaborate and are accented by large, colorful turbans. Yao men usually wear a short, side-buttoned jacket with dark blue, loose-fitting trousers; a black skullcap; and a wide sash tied around the waist. Both men and women enjoy wearing silver jewelry, particularly necklaces.

The Yao religion is a combination of ancestor worship and exorcism. ("Ancestor worship" is the practice of praying to the spirits of deceased ancestors for help and guidance. Exorcisms are used as a means of "casting out" evil spirits that are believed to be inflicting illnesses.) Religious beliefs of the Yao also compare to popular Chinese Taoism. They recognize 18 "chief" deities, in addition to a host of "minor" gods, supernatural beings, deceased heroes, and nature spirits. "Good spirits" would include the spirits of their ancestors, as well as "household deities," i.e., the "Door god," the "Stove god," and the "Fireplace god." Evil spirits would include jungle demons, valley demons, and city demons. Small altars for spirit worship are located inside Yao homes. Finely painted portraits of the 18 deities are preserved on scrolls and kept on the spirit altars. They are taken out and placed on display during special ceremonial occasions.

Although agriculture is the chief activity of the Yao, they often cannot produce enough of the staple foods, such as rice, to feed all the people. Though the Yao are very much aware of the spirit world, they are actually suffering from spiritual famine. There are only a few thousand Yao who profess to be Christians.

I found this to be very illuminating. It's a miracle that we have Qiao Qiao (Poppy) in our home, as it also is with Willow. We're blessed!

(BTW: The picture above is of the general area where Poppy came from.)

Warmly in Christ,

Tom

Swimming Upstream

So, you might be wondering how we're feeling right about now, a little more than 72 hours after returning from Asia with our two little ones? I found this picture on the Internet which pretty much sums it all up for us (in fact, this was a direct quote from Victoria to me this morning); "Swimming Upstream". Not necessarily because we have two very needy tykes sauntering throughout the house right now, but because we simply cannot seem to get onto a time zone that coincides with the rising and setting of the sun in California. These poor girls are suffering through some of the most painful jet lag I've ever witnessed, which is cause for great consternation for Victoria and me. For three nights in a row now our sweet, precious packages of "plant-life" (Poppy and Willow) have woken up at about 1:30 or 2:00 in the morning. Willow's only way of communicating with us is to cry, while Poppy's a little more sophisticated and says with a soft voice, "Dad, I'm not tired. Can I get up now?" One night Annie took care of Poppy during the wee-hours of the morning, while Victoria sat with a dazed glaze among the girls last night just waiting for them to get tired enough to fall asleep again. And what about me? I guess it's my turn tonight. And wouldn't you know it? During the day Poppy and Willow naturally want to sleep, and when they do go down for a nap (and it's usually a long one) and Victoria tries to wake them up, it's sort of like trying to bring a toy doll to life; they're limp and unflappable.

Well, we're still encouraged in the midst of our exhaustion, and look forward to the day when we can get onto a fairly normal sleep schedule. I read this from Oswald Chambers yesterday, "... we are where we are, exactly in the condition we are. I am sorry for the Christian who has not something in his circumstances he wishes was not there." I wish we were not tired, but I thank God that we are.

Living for Jesus One Day At a Time,

Tom

Finally... A Family of 7!!!

THIS (to the left) was one of the first things our weary eyes laid upon when we pulled up to our home in our jam-packed Honda Pilot, filled with luggage and seven very happy Kruggel's. This, together with all of the tidying little Miss Annie could do to make our home absolutely adorable and welcoming almost brought tears to our eyes. More than our home's appearance, it was the thought that counted (as with all gifts and acts of service) as Victoria and I contemplated the extraordinary amount of effort and care Annie put into making the first entree into our home as a family of seven the most memorable one we might ever imagine. This is our Annie-girl, whom we take no credit for whatsoever and of whom we're so very proud.  "WE LOVE YOU ANNIE! No one will ever replace you!."  And Austin, you gave us one of the greatest gifts we could have ever asked for; driving up from graduate school during a busy quarter, and being with us and loving on Willow as you did, and will.  You're the best!  We're so proud of you.  And to Barret, our superhero these last three weeks, we have cherished the love and service you've given to us while traversing China for Willow.  Your sacrifice has greater, far reaching impact than you will ever really know.  And sweet Yao Qiao (Poppy), we couldn't love you more. You're our sweet little pop-tart, whose creative character has blossomed in our eyes in the presence of your Mei Mei, Willow."

So how do I sum up our first 36 hours together as the "Kruggel Six-Pack + 1" (more)? Rather than attempt to journal the events of our time, it's perhaps more apropos to journal the feelings of our time (which can never be fully articulated in written form).  Pondering the past, I never dreamed (nor did Victoria) that I'd be the temporary recipient of five blessed beauties to laughingly love and treacherously tear over.  I remember thinking when I first thought that Victoria even liked me (long before we contemplated marriage and became engaged) that I was the most fortunate man on the planet that someone as wonderful as her would even give consideration to me.  And that was just the beginning of what has now flourished into a "match made in heaven" (cliche, I know, but a rather profound quote from Victoria's grandmother, Vera Mae, at our wedding ceremony which gains more meaning with each passing day knowing all the more the providence and power of the Almighty).  We've been married now for over 25 remarkable years and seen the gift of God grow our family to what you see here (as we lay on our bed surrounding a jet-lagged and not-feeling-so-well Willow Rae).  So how does all of this feel?  It feels like this,... like, why me?  I know it's often been asked, "Why do bad things happen to good people?"  But, I continue to ask myself, "Why do good things happen to bad people?"  God said, "There is none righteous, no not one."  (Romans 3:10b)  My answer, "I simply do not know why." But for the grace of God go I.  

On a very practical level, "How does it feel?"  It feels exhilarating, and at the same time terrifying.  What an honor to be in a place and position, because of Him, to endear children into our home.  This is exhilarating.  And at the same time, what a scary thing to be in a place and position, because of Him, to endear children into our home.  This is terrifying (especially at our place in life). So, "What do we do?"  We keep the big picture at the forefront of our thinking, both in the joyous and in the sorrowful times, remembering that we're here to "give, until there's nothing left" (as my son Barret quoted in a recent blog; the best blog entry I've read thus far, in my personal opinion). All of this for the sake of my love, Jesus, and to bring home as many into His Kingdom as possible.  

This morning, I pulled my family aside in the backyard and sat around our patio table, with the sun rising in the east, a cool northwesterly wind, birds singing in the background, and green creation all around us, and said to my three eldest (Austin, Annie and Barret), with Victoria of course (the two little ones were sleeping), "I/we need you.  I/we NEED you.  Don't let what God has given to drive us from one another, but to guide us to one another." For us, this is family, and this is what it feels like to be right where we are at this moment.

We're happy, yes, but we also realize that we have a very long haul ahead of us.  We're "girding our loins", so to state, and ready to cross into the battlefield of sacrificial love and service.  This is what God has called us to.  

Humbly Basking in the Love of Christ,

Tom

P.S. - We love all of you so much.  Thank you for joining our journey to Willow Rae.  We're here with her because of you, no doubt.  We don't know how we can ever express enough heartfelt and sincere gratitude for you, your support, encouragement and prayers.  We will continue to post from time to time, although it may not be on a daily basis going forward.

 

Home At Last!

This is Annie and I am just here to say that I cannot even begin to tell  you all how wonderful it is to have my sweet family home. Life is back in the house and I love it. Its been an amazing day...lots of napping and lots of smiles. : ) The Kruggel clan is finally united...as a family of seven. 

Joyfully...so joyfully,

Annie

Check back tomorrow cuz I am gonna post more pix and more news about Willow's first day back at home. 

P.S. I am happy to report that Willow definitely initiated a kiss from me today...it was the greatest thing ever...