I Miss China!

I miss China. I miss just about everything about it. I've had several people recently say to me, as it's only natural to do, "I bet you're glad to be back." After hearing that, I catch myself because I don't want to be disingenuous by stating something like, "Boy, am I ever.", when I'm really not that glad to be back. On the other hand, I'm not sad to be back either; I'm just sort of in this no where land of in between. So I usually just end up responding to a greeting like that with, "Well, I just really miss China."

There's really nothing like being in a place where you're completely out of your comfort zone, can't speak the language, don't know the cultural customs, with no routine about your day at all, struggling to figure out your role as a father to a child who's a complete stranger, wondering whether you're going to have enough love to give to the rest of the children and your wife, and you're totally dependent upon one another as a family and upon God's grace. I like being stretched into the uncomfortable because it's there that I find the deepest meaning in life. And I guess I fear getting back into a comfort zone that allows me to be complacent, seeking things that bring no lasting value whatsoever, and then finding myself in a pit with what feels like no escape hatches at all.

I'm actually in a good place right now. Ruminating upon where I am in life, I caught myself mentally saying, "This may be one of my best days. I have the perfect wife, five (count them, five) unbelievable children, and the inheritance into a Kingdom of eternity with Jesus." All of this, and I know from whom it comes. I don't just know it mentally, I know Him intimately. And I want to love Jesus intimately all the more. I wish I could say that my spirit was as close as it's ever been with Him, but it's not. Ironically, at this sweet spot of life I find myself less engaged with Him as I'd like. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why I need routine, commonality, and even the mundane at times.

So, for now, I live in this place of between (ness), both physically and spiritually. I don't want to dwell here too much longer.

Wandering, just a bit,

Tom