Gonghe Xinxi!

As we've oftentimes stated before, Poppy's mind seems to constantly reel and plumb depths that flabbergast us. Why just the other evening while sitting on the couch with her, she reminded me that she did not come out of Mommy's (Victoria's) tummy, but out of another mommy's tummy, and that Willow did not come out of her mommy's tummy or Victoria's. She then counted them up and said that we had three mommies around our family. I don't recall spending that much time talking to Poppy about this, nor does Victoria for that matter, and in fact she usually doesn't like to think or talk of life before she entered and became a part of ours.

Well, as many of us know, there's no guarantee that when we bear biological children that any of them will turn out the same, and we're often surprised and sometimes end up asking ourselves, "Did this child come from our blood lineage?" Now there's no mistaking that Poppy and Willow come from different blood lineages, not only by looking at their outward appearances, but by also peering into their inward character and constitutions. For example, last night we went to the Chinese New Year's Parade in San Francisco (I understand one of the largest such festivities in the country), and watched colorful float displays, illuminated dragons that stretched for several meters, and marching bands pounding rhythms and tunes all in celebratory honor of the Year of the Ox. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves, although the parade did seem to move awfully slow at times. While waiting on the curbside with thousands of others for the next element of the parade to go by, a boy outfitted with a large dragon head and blinking eyes stooped down to the girls' level while they were sitting in their double stroller. Advancing ever closer with head bobbing up and down, the dragon eventually came within a foot or two of the girls' faces. Willow looked up, stared straight into the frightening mask, and keep eating her Cheerios as if dragons like this were commonplace in her life. Poppy on the other hand tensed up, recoiled, stiffened her back and pushed herself into the stroller seat as far as she could to escape the horrifying creature. She then burst into a high shrill cry with voluminous streaming alligator tears that were almost impossible to stop. The dragon wouldn't leave and kept staring into their faces until he finally darted over to another unsuspecting victim. While cute on the one hand, it was quite pathetic on the other. And while these two girls may very well be sisters, there's no questioning that they're two very different image-bearers of God as simply evidenced by this one experience (among many). Our love for them ever grows, as it does for all of our children, and in spite of their differences there's no one favoring over the other. All of our children are ever shaping our lives and being used by Him to hopefully transform us all the more into the likeness of Jesus.

Raising a diverse brood,

Tom (& Victoria)

Big Decisions

This entry is a copy of an e-mail my beautiful bride sent to a friend of ours contem- plating adoption. I was so impressed with it and moved by it that I decided to post it here: (Certain portions of the e-mail were redacted to preserve anonymity.)

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I remember Annie and Barret kept asking me if I had "thought about it yet" (i.e., "Were we GOING to do it?") : ) Tom had to call off the dogs, so to speak, because I could NOT wrap my mind around it in that state!

I understand about thinking "too much" and being frightened of thinking "too little" too. Could you ever imagine while taking care of just one how you were ever going to care for more? I could not have imagined doing what we are doing now, even 5 years ago (when I was younger!).

We always think that our cups of life are FULL and that we couldn't possibly add or change what we currently deal with. But when we are doing the will of the Lord it just seems that He expands our time, our love, and our ideas of what life would be like...

From THIS side of it (signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours!) the gains have so far outweighed the costs (gravity) that it is hard for me to go back in my mind to thinking it was such a "Big" decision. But now, in the wake of having been used of the Lord to ransom a life from a fatherless state to what it is now... to bringing a dear soul under the sound of the gospel, to learning to surrender ourselves to the care of children who were once "the least of these"... well, it is just a privilege. Now, the question is, "How wide can we open our arms?"

With a full heart of love for you,

Vicki

P.S. - So far for us it has been a win-win situation for US, our adopted girls, our older kids...everyone has been changed for the good.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When I read things like this written by my wife, I'm not only touched to the core, but find myself falling deeper in love with her. I'm confident she wouldn't have to do anything to cause that to happen, but it just so happens that when she does do it, my heart misses a beat (yet again). I pinch myself that God gave me to her.

Ever at the mercy of Jesus,

Tom

"I Missed You!"

We've stated before that it's hard to now imagine life in the Kruggel home without Poppy and Willow, even though a majority of it was lived without them. God has so intrinsically wired us as human beings to open our arms, take risks and then look back and find it difficult to remember what it was like beforehand. As adults we can process these types of things, but how about the processing mind of a four year old that's been adopted from a foreign country? What are they thinking about their past? Do they think about it? What do they remember? How do they view you as adoptive parents? 

After being by Poppy's side all day long, Victoria caught a slight glimpse into that busy mind of hers when Poppy said out of the clear blue, "Mommy, I missed you, and Austin, and Annie, and Daddy, and Brother (Barret)." A bit puzzled by Poppy's remark, Victoria inquired, "Poppy, when did you miss us?" Poppy replied, "When I was in China." When Victoria retold this story to me she got all choked up and almost started to cry. These are the types of things those little minds ponder, and these are the types of things that cause our hearts to miss a beat.

Cherishing these tenderly precious moments,

Tom (& Victoria)

Saying "Good-Bye" Is So Very Hard To Do

We were pleasantly surprised this Saturday when Austin phoned during the day and said he and Meagan might stop by for the evening on their way back to San Luis Obispo. They had just attended a wedding a little north of our home the evening before. In fact, Austin was the Best Man and got to experience "up front and personal" the ceremony in light of his impending wedding day, now just less than four months away. Of course it feels to he and Meagan like forever in one sense because they both have so much to do to prepare, and Austin still has to finish his Master's degree program, hopefully by the end of March. He reminded me that this is his seventeenth quarter of college. I think he's ready to graduate and move on.

We had a delightful visit, as always, and just love it when our house is full with all of our children (and daughter-in-law to be). The only "chick" missing was Annie. Austin and Meagan even spent the night and stayed for the first half of the Superbowl. But no matter how many times our older kids come and go, it's always a bit hard to say "good-bye". We usually stand on the front porch as they pull away in their car, and most always watch and wait until we can no longer see them turn the bend and disappear behind the house at the corner entrance to our culdesac. After standing there motionless and collecting our thoughts for a moment or two, we head back into the house and try to pick up where we left off. It's never an easy transition, but...

At least it was a good Superbowl game.

Missing our older ones,

Tom (& Victoria)

Happy New Year!

January 26th marked the official Chinese New Year (a.k.a., Spring Festival). It is definitely one of the most celebrated and traditional holidays for the Chinese (equivalent to our Christmas Holiday), and is marked by the lunar calendar. Celebrations often last for over two weeks. Their astrology runs in twelve year cycles, moving each year from one animal zodiac to another until the cycle completes itself and then runs full circle again. Last year was the year of the "Rat", and this year is the year of the "Ox".

While we do not fully understand, nor can we possibly appreciate just how significant this holiday is for our friends in and from Asia, we nonetheless had the privilege of celebrating it in a small way last weekend with some local acquaintances of ours. In fact, these folks also adopted a sweet little girl from China named Meredith right about the same time we brought Poppy home. We had never met them before until some neighbors of ours told us (right after we returned from China with Poppy) that they too had adopted and lived only about a block away from us. We've since connected with them from time to time and found them to be very kind, generous and loving. They hosted a wonderful Chinese New Year celebration at their house replete with traditional cuisine, decorations, music, and even fireworks. Victoria was in San Luis Obispo for the weekend spending some special mother-daughter time with Annie, so I "Mr. Mommed" it with the girls and Barret. After dressing them up in their native Chinese apparel, we all went to the Chinese New Year party at our neighbor's home and had a ball together. Poppy especially loves parties and this one was no exception. Willow seems to be content just about anywhere she goes, and manages to find herself in precarious positions that never frighten her in the least. I thought this picture of her in the party host's dog-kennel was quite apropos.

We're enjoying just a few of the girl's native heritages. Next they'll have to start learning how to use chop-sticks. Right now they're pretty much food stabbing utensils instead of delicate instruments of finesse.

Gonghe Xinxi! (Happy New Year!)

Tom (& Victoria)

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, It's Off to Work I Go...

It's hard being a working parent, having to leave your little treasures behind for the day, sometimes for several days. For me it's always been difficult, ever since our first-born Austin came along. In their earlier years of life I could (and do now with the girls) usually see them before I headed off to work, but as they grew older it became more difficult because they often woke up after I left. As the working day draws on, your longing for them grows stronger so that by the time you actually leave work you find your mind fixated on just walking through that front door and being greeted by their lovely little faces, not to mention the wonderful smile and embrace of your spouse. Of course if you have to travel and spend the night somewhere, like I sometimes have to do, it's just murder. Now when I come home from work and open that garage door into our family room I usually hear the pitter-patter of little feet running across the hardwood floor with high-pitched screams at the top of their lungs, "Daddy, Daddy!!!", or "GaGa, GaGa!!!" in the case of Willow. I don't think your heart can melt much more than at times like those.

I guess one thing that makes my departure to work so particularly hard these days is that the girls are almost always up and Adam by 6:30 in the morning, so I'm able to connect with them as they eat breakfast or cuddle in the study room. But I have to say that the clincher is when I get into my car while still parked in the garage, start to back out looking over my shoulder, and then when I turn back around and peer through my windshield I see this adorable little face and hand sticking out of the cat-door waving to me as I pull away. Rolling down my window and putting my head out of it I can hear Willow say, "Bye, GaGa!" Aaauuggghhhh, how badly I want to just pull back into the garage and stay home the rest of the day. Oh, but I shall not, for off to work I must go and just be satisfied that I'll receive that effusive greeting from her (and Poppy) when I come home.

Working with a purpose,

Tom

A Hidden Life

One of the great benefits of adoption, among the countless, is the opportunity to connect with other families who have also adopted, are about to adopt or simply have a passion for the orphans. Victoria is one to stay connected (via the internet) with so many who fit this description and thereby allow us to be benefactors. Most of the stories she reads about are happy and joyous, but a few are sorrowful with heart-wrenching endings, and yet some have a mixture of both extreme hardship and an abundance of exultation. Such is life, but such is anyone who chooses to open their hearts to love another, regardless of whether it's your spouse, a biologically born child or one that's adopted or fostered. When Victoria stumbled across this story about some children in Uganda who've lost their parents, she sent it to me but with a warning that I needed to be in a right and receptive frame of mind knowing (as she does me) that I might react with similar emotion as her. She prefaced her e-mail to me as follows, "It's one thing to know, it's yet an entirely other thing to see." If you choose to watch (~9&1/2 minutes), we want you to know that we are not sensationalists and abhor the use of the afflicted to play on people's emotions, but in my estimation this is a far cry from that. Victoria was right, while I'm prone to tears at times, this caused me to actually weep while sitting in an expensive ergonomically sculpted chair in my high-rise building office, surrounded by everything imaginable to make me comfortable. I shielded my face as tears poured into my lap. I will not ask you to enjoy, because how could you? But I will kindly ask you to mourn, pray and beg God for mercy.

Yes, it's one thing to know, and it's yet an entirely other thing to see, but it's yet altogether another thing to taste, feel and touch. It's almost as if we were there. In so many ways, I wish we were.

Still reeling 36 hours later,

Tom (& Victoria)

"Then I looked again at all the acts of oppression which were being done under the sun: And I saw the tears of the oppressed and that they had no one to comfort them; and on the side of their oppressors was power, but they had no one to comfort them." (Ecclesiastes 4:1) "Fear God and keep His commandments, for this applies to every person. For God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil." (Ecclesiastes 12:14)

Proud To Be An American

Most all Americans will probably agree that today is a significant day in the history of our country, regardless of who one voted for on Election Day just a little over two months ago. I watched the inauguration of President Obama like millions of others and was impressed with many elements of it, not the least of which was Rick Warren's prayer of invocation. While preparing my mind and heart for today's events, I was also struck by the supplication of another noteworthy Christian that I admire so much, Dr. Al Mohler, who's prayer I read on the way into work this morning. I quote just a small segment of it below:

"Our father, Lord of all creation, Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. We pray today with a sense of special urgency and responsibility. We come before You to pray for our new President, Barack Obama, and for all those in the new administration who now assume roles of such high responsibility.

We know that You, and You alone are sovereign, that You rule over all, and that You alone are able to keep and defend us. We know that our times are in Your hands, and that 'the king's heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord.' (Proverbs 2:11) Our confidence is in You and in You alone. We come before You as a people who acknowledge our constant need for Your provision, wisdom, and protection."

The rest of the prayer is contained in Al Mohler's blog, which can be found with Google. I (we) don't use our blog as a political platform, but rather a platform for Jesus, His adoption of us, and His loving-kindness to "loosen the bonds of wickedness, to undo the bands of the yoke, and to let the oppressed go free, and break every yoke". (Isaiah 58:6) May God be gracious to President Obama, to all of our families, and to two little foreign girls abandoned while babies and now miraculously naturalized citizens of this great country called America. We pray these girls will also become citizens of the Kingdom that will never topple and whose King will never be dethroned.

Proud to be an American, Unworthy to be a Christian,

Tom (& Victoria)

Wild, West Willow

Today was a bit of a lazy day for us. There's nothing wrong with that; we all need them every once in awhile. After sleeping in (for Victoria and me that's now around 7:30 or 8:00 a.m.), we sat around and drank coffee, made pancakes and slowly got ready for the day. Barret and Victoria left the house around 11:00 to spend some time together while I watched the girls. After feeding them yet again another meal (seems like our kitchen is always open these days), I decided to put Willow down for a nap at around 1:30 or so. I also put Poppy down at about the same time, but in a separate room. It's been unseasonably warm, clear and dry this last week and today was no exception, so I decided to take advantage of this great weather and relaxed in the backyard (like I usually do in the summer time) by calling my Mom and Dad. After speaking with them for awhile, I made a few more calls, wrote some notes to friends, and just basked in the warmth of the sun. By around 3:00 I figured I better go check on the girls to see how they were doing, so when I walked back inside the house I could hear Willow talking to herself at the top of her lungs. Her nap-times have turned into a regular pattern of lying around in the crib, "reading" books, singing to herself, etc..., oftentimes for over an hour or so before she eventually drifts off. Well, I decided I'd peek into the room to see what she was doing and wouldn't you know it? That climbing monkey was on top of her crib, straddling the railing on all fours and having the time of her life. I couldn't help but giggle to myself as I tried to sternly tell her to get off the crib and lie down. She's always been very compliant, so she looked at me, grinned and then immediately sprawled out on the crib mattress. She's just too dang cute.

While on the subject of cute, I was strolling along with the girls (all seven of us actually) through a busy street one evening during the Holidays right before Christmas. A man I'd never met before looked down at the double stroller with both girls in tow and then looked up at me and asked, "Are you ever able to say 'no'?" I replied, "It's pretty tough." He then looked down and back up at me, smiled, laughed and said, "Dude, you're dead." I think he's right.

Taming a Wild, West Willow, 

Tom (& Victoria)

"Hole? What Hole?"

... So yesterday (Thursday) Poppy, Willow and I (Victoria) set out for Children's Hospital to meet with Willow's surgeon to have him assess the self-inflicted palate hole we saw a few days ago.  After prying poor Willow's mouth open with a tongue depressor, he took one look inside and said, "There's no hole in there!"  At that moment, I felt both relief and embarrassment.  He is such a gracious man though that he quickly added, "But you know, it's a bit of a mess up there with all the suture marks, etc...I can see how you could be confused."  

So... we thank the Lord that all is still well "up there"!  Willow is actually making great progress in her articulation of sounds, and it is thrilling to hear the changes.  Poppy, of course, is extremely articulate and provides Willow with a continuous flow of well-spoken words to listen to.  : )

From a Happy Home of Intact Palates,

Victoria

I Could Hold You Forever

Austin and Meagan recently had their engagement photographs taken (this wasn't vogue in our day, which makes us sound really old), and he assembled them together in a music picture clip that is pretty awesome. Watching this makes us fall in love with our children (and our future daughter-in-law) all the more. Click below, sit back and enjoy:

We love you Austin & Meagan,

Dad (Tom) & Mom (Victoria)

Yearn

I'm a "friend" on "Facebook" (I don't have many) with my sweet daughter Annie and she sent me a link (click below) to a song that she dedicated to me. It's by Shane & Shane, and it's entitled "Yearn". I've always loved that song, but now I love it all the more and will never hear it quite the same again. I know this all seems quite ordinary, but to me it's quite unordinary and my heart is ever quickened by the Spirit as I listen and worship to these powerful lyrics. "Jesus, I want to yearn for You, I want to burn with passion over You." What a gift from Annie.

Holy design
This place in time
That I might seek and find my God,
My God.

Lord I want to yearn for You
I want to burn with passion
Over You, and only You
Lord I want to yearn for You
I want to burn with passion
Over you, and only You
Lord I want to yearn.

Your joy is mine,
Yet why am I fine
With all of my singing and bringing grain
In light of Him?

I want to yearn for You
I want to burn with passion
Over You, and only You
Lord I want to yearn for You
I want to burn with passion
Over you, and only You.

Oh You give life and breath
In You we live and move
That's why I sing.

Lord I want to yearn for You
I want to burn with passion
Over You, and only You
Lord I want to yearn for You
I want to burn with passion
Over you, and only You
Lord I want to yearn.

[Acts 17:25-28; Hebrews 12:28-29]

Thank you, Annie.

I love you,

Dad

Another Hole?

Last night I was sitting at the computer looking at a website or something and Victoria yelled to me from the kitchen, "Honey, I think Willow has another hole in her palate!" I immediately thought to myself that there's no way and there must be a mistake. After making my way back to the kitchen I grabbed a hold of Willow, turned her upside down by grasping onto her tiny feet with one hand thereby causing her head to tip back and her mouth to open with a bird's-eye view to her palate. Sure enough, there it was; another hole right next to her two front teeth, this time about half the size of a pencil head eraser. Our hearts sunk while at the same time pondering how in the world this could have happened. Of course, anything could have happened and at anytime (which it obviously did) as it's almost impossible to keep an eye on a wandering Willow 24/7. There have been a few incidents over the last couple of weeks where we've seen her carrying something sharp enough to penetrate her palate if inserted with enough force (e.g., eating utensils, writing pens, etc...). On one occasion in particular, just yesterday as a matter of fact, I found her with a clip she'd taken out of her hair and inserted into her mouth. After taking it away from her I was hopeful that she didn't do any damage. Who knows when it happened or what caused it, but there's no doubting she's inflicted a wound into her palate, and now we'll (Victoria actually) have to make contact with the surgeon/physician and determine what can and must be done next. Naturally our prayer is that this one will heal on its own like the last. Please, if you think of it, pray along these lines. While certainly not life threatening (thank goodness), it is another setback that can not only be discouraging (although Willow certainly doesn't seem to be any worse for the wear), but also additionally demanding.

Resting in His plan,

Tom (& Victoria)

The Practice of the Presence of God

Many years ago I read a little book by a 17th Century monk named Brother Lawrence called "The Practice of the Presence of God". I've read it a few times since then; it's brief (my favorite kind), quick and an excellent read. Brother Lawrence first served in the monastery kitchen washing pots and pans. He disdained his duties in the beginning, but over time decided that if this is where the Lord wanted him to be then he was going to wash dishes as if he were doing it for the Lord's table. After being confined to this role for quite some time, he came to the conclusion that washing dishes could be just as God honoring as any other work, whether missional or otherwise. God was God wherever Brother Lawrence was, even in the kitchen, so he prayed, "Lord of the pots and pans and things, make me a saint by getting meals and washing up the dishes." The entire theme of the book is that nothing is too mundane to be considered a gift to God.

Sometimes in the midst of everyday life, the monotony and the customary, we question whether our service counts for anything. Even the highest of highs has a way drifting downward to a point of resonance that starts to feel dull and routine. Nonetheless, the working out of life must go on remembering that all of life can be an act of worship, regardless of what you're doing. It's not what, but the heart into what that has significance. And we must draw ourselves back to that heart to remember that the what does indeed count.

The excitement and pangs of adopting, much like childbirth (although I do not write from personal experience mind you) run their course and are soon "yesterday's news" amidst the demands of everyday life. However, remembering the heart behind the what we're doing gives great comfort and hope for a lasting significance into tomorrow. This image of Poppy and Willow washing dishes the other day was a gift from God that helped me recall that there's nothing too mundane in raising these two little ones (or all five of our children for that matter) that isn't a gift from and to God. I thank Him for this image and beautiful reminder that I need so often.

Trying to practice,

Tom

Atheist - "Africa Needs God"

Victoria brought to my attention an article in the London Times written by a devote and well-known atheist about Africa's need for God; and not just any God mind you, but the God of the Bible. To whet your appetite I quote below:

"Now a confirmed atheist, I've become convinced of the enormous contribution that Christian evangelism makes in Africa: sharply distinct from the work of secular NGO's, government projects and international aid efforts. These alone will not do. Education and training alone will not do. In Africa Christianity changes people's hearts. It brings a spiritual transformation. The rebirth is real. The change is good."

To read the piece in its entirety, click on the link below, but I warn it will shake your faith, like it did my own weak one, to rise with greater hope in God:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/matthew_parris/article5400568.ece

Asking for more,

Tom

Send...

I read this prayer from Jim Elliot (martyred missionary to the Auca's in South America) yesterday and was pricked to the core.

"... Thou knowest what I can bear. Send trouble that I might know peace; send anxiety that I might know rest in Thee. Send hard things that I may learn to rely on Thy dissolving them. Strange askings, and I do not know what to speak, but 'my desire is toward Thee' - anything that will intensify and make me tender, Savior. I desire to be like Thee, Thou knowest."

I trepiditiously prayed that prayer and will cautiously continue to do so as I wait in anticipation for an answer.

Fearing Him,

Tom