Thoughts On A Long Flight

Awhile back Victoria purchased a book for me entitled, “Adopted for Life” (Our Blog Title), written by Russell D. Moore who himself adopted boys from a Russian orphanage some time ago. I always wanted to read a good book about adoption that viewed it from a wholistic perspective, incorporating physical adoption into an earthly family for those like our girls from China AND our spiritual adoption into the family of God for those who are found in Jesus. Although I haven’t read many such books, this one might be one of the best.

While reading it on the airplane to Hong Kong, a few paragraphs jumped out at me that targeted much of what Victoria and I are feeling about adopting an older child that can cognitively discern what’s happening round and about her, and will also have a strong memory of her past before she ever knew us. Some of our biggest fears and concerns are for her transition and matriculation into our family from what she’s known her entire life while living in China, regardless of how bad or good it was. The bottom line is that she does not have a mommy or daddy, and she, like us all, need them.

Here’s what Russell Moore says about this roughly one-third of the way through his book:

“We cannot consider our adoption as children of God without turning to the cross. When Jesus is stapled to this Roman torture device, He bears the full weight of the curse of an orphan creation. The apostle Paul is able to speak of us as receiving adoption as sons only because Jesus becomes ‘a curse for us’. In the Gospel account, the Holy Spirit announces, ‘for it is written, ‘Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree’ – so that in Jesus Christ the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith’ (Galatians 3:13-14).

On a Friday two thousand years ago, a Roman soldier strikes a spear into the dead, bloodied flesh of this Man. Some government employee pulls spikes from the carcass melded to wood, then goes home and scrubs off the blood of Christ as he washes up for dinner. He may toss his children in the air with hands still embedded with the blood of Jesus under his fingernails. The body removal has to happen before dark; His body can’t hang on that tree overnight because Israel ‘shall not defile your land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance’ (Deuteronomy 21:23).

But God lifts Jesus out of His hole in the ground and gives Him the universe as His inheritance. The curse is lifted – for Jesus and for all who are found in Him.

The trauma of leaving the orphanage was unexpected to me because I knew how much better these boys’ life would be. I thought they knew too. But they had no idea. They couldn’t conceive of anything other than the status quo. My whispering to my boys, ‘You won’t miss that orphanage’ is only a shadow of something I should have known already. Our Father tells us that we too are unable to grasp what’s waiting for us – how glorious it really is. It’s hard for us to long for an inheritance to come, a harmonious Christ-ruled universe, when we’ve never seen anything like it.

We just can’t imagine ‘the glory that is to be revealed to us’ (Romans 8:18). That’s why it’s so important to have ‘the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which He has called you, what are the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints’ (Ephesians 1:18).”

This was an encouragement to Victoria and me today, who just a little over 48 hours from now will receive Xiao Qian as one of our own. By the time you receive this you’ll know we successfully made it to Hong Kong after a long, 15-hour cramped flight across the Pacific Ocean. The views of the snow-white mountainous peaks of Alaska and northeastern Russia were stunning on a day where we never saw the sun set. We’re both at peace, comforted that our family in California is well cared for, and even in spite of a very frustrating attempt to revive my cellular telephone/Blackberry that went kaput on me just hours before we took off. I doubt I’ll have mobile service while in China, something I desperately attempted to meticulously plan in advance to guarantee for 24/7 connectivity. I believe this was from the Lord, and am accepting it as His way of both refining me (I couldn’t have been more frustrated) and releasing me from work-related stress when my mind needs to be solely devoted to Xiao Qian, Victoria and my family in California.

(Austin & Barret, we’re sitting next to a very nice man on the airplane from Shenzhen and we’ve been communicating by way of the translator. It works, although the conversation is slow and simple. He could stroke Chinese characters like there’s no tomorrow and the translator picked up almost his every word. I guess we’re just pretty lame when it comes to writing Mandarin.)

Will sign off for now, as you’re probably getting tired of reading (I have nothing else to do but sit here, read and write/type.)

Gratefully in Jesus,

Our Last Night Home (for Awhile)

O. K., it's almost 11:00 p.m. and we're exhausted. Ready to hit the hay for last evening in our home for awhile. Victoria, Barret and I are sitting in the study room right now musing about how surreal this all feels (Victoria's actually talking to Annie on the phone, and Austin & Meagan are sawing logs, as are Poppy and Willow). Barret just said, "I can't believe Xiao Qian's going to be my sister." This is really happening, after all these months of planning. It all started to feel this way when we picked Austin & Meagan up at the airport last night, and it's been hitting home ever since.

We're excited, we're packed, and we're ready for one of the longest days of our lives, and for a miraculously beautiful shift in our family and in the Kingdom.

This will be a short entry. I'm/we're going to bed. We love you, and will try to write as soon as we can. Thank you, again, for all of your support, love, encouragement and prayers.

Warmly in Christ,

Burning

A colleague and Christian brother of mine (who also happens to be one of my very best friends, behind Victoria) just sent me this quote from J. I. Packer's "Knowing God" (one of my top-ten books that I read many years ago). It hit me so powerfully that I just had to post it here:

"A zealous man in religion is pre-eminently a man of one thing. It is not enough to say that he is earnest, hearty, uncompromising, thorough-going, whole-hearted, fervent in spirit. He only sees one thing, he cares for one thing, he lives for one thing, he is swallowed up in one thing; and that one thing is to please God. Whether he lives or dies, whether he has health or sickness, whether he is rich or poor, whether he pleases man or gives offense, whether he is thought wise or foolish, whether he gets blame or praise, whether he gets honor or shame--for all this the zealous man cares nothing at all. He burns for one thing; and that one thing is to please God, and to advance God's glory. If he is consumed in the very burning, he cares not for it--he is content. He feels that, like a lamp, he is made to burn; and if consumed in burning, he has but done the work for which God appointed him. Such a one will always find a sphere for his zeal."

May we all be consumed by this one thing, to please the One who is the One.

Burning,

Paydirt!!

Woo Hoo!!

Our Visa's were just delivered to our front door step!

Now we have everything we need to board that airplane!! (We have another post for today as well, below.)

T-Minus 4 Days (To Lift-Off)

This is a relatively quick post to keep you up-to-date on the latest and greatest surrounding our impending rendezvous with Xiao Qian:

1. Yesterday I purchased an electronic translator, which has already proven to bring some comic relief to our family. When I brought it home last night, Barret and I tested it out. We were quickly reminded that our Mandarin is deplorable, our writing of Chinese characters completely debauched, and we're totally tone-deaf when it comes to deciphering the four Mandarin intonations. Xiao Qian will either laugh her head off at listening to and watching us, or she'll completely fall apart wondering who these goofballs are that are now her immediate family.
2. Tomorrow night our wonderful son, Austin, and his sweet wife, Meagan, arrive from Colorado to stay at our home and hold down the fort in our absence. We keep telling them how over-the-top appreciative we are of their sacrifice and love. What a tremendous thing they're doing. And they keep telling us it's no big deal, but they may feel differently in a couple of weeks. (Poppy and Willow, and Barret, are really looking forward to seeing them. What an answer to prayer.)
3. Thursday I travel with Austin to his satellite office in San Jose to drop him off while I go to Palo Alto, CA to pitch some new business for our firm, Hines. We'll have a lot of good time in the car to catch up and just pray for one another. I'm really looking forward to that. Victoria will have the whole day to give Meagan the "lay of the land" around our household.
   
4. On Thursday evening we'll have a nice meal together (we'll have everyone but Annie - boo hoo). I am hopeful that we'll be able to dedicate some time in prayer together and commit our next two-plus weeks into God's care. We'll probably finish up our packing that evening too.
5. Friday morning we'll get dropped off at BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) for the first leg of countless to get us to the other side of the globe and back. Our flight leaves at 11:44 a.m. from San Francisco International Airport and arrives in Hong Kong at 6:35 p.m. the next day (their time, which is 2:25 a.m. - PST - our time). It's almost a 15 hour flight, so it's long and grueling (but we've done this before). I think Victoria and I are least looking forward to saying goodbye to Austin, Meagan, Barret, Poppy & Willow that morning (and even Annie all the way from San Luis Obispo).
6. We'll spend the night in Hong Kong that evening, and then have a nice breakfast there and slowly make our way to Guangzhou, China by way of train so that we can get there and check into our hotel on Sunday evening (the middle of your Sunday morning, while you're probably sleeping - which is what we'll wish we were doing right about that time while recovering from copious amounts of jet lag).
7. The next day (our Monday) we'll connect with Xiao Qian between 2:00 and 3:00 p.m. our time (that's between 10:00 and 11:00 on Sunday night - PST - for you). So, if there was ever a time to pray (provided you're still up and awake) that would be the time.

I think that's it for now. We'll try to make another post or two before we cross the Pacific Ocean. While in China we're going to do our very best to post Blog entries, but we're told that "Blogger" is blocked. We think we've found a way (through a fellow adopter that's recently returned from China) to circumnavigate the "block" and post anyway. The posts may not look as clean and formatted as the ones from the U.S.A., but at least the information is coming through.

Many thanks to all of you. The flood of support, encouragement and love is starting to become overwhelming. Our facebook accounts are overloaded and we cannot respond fast enough, and sometimes not at all. Please know that's not an indication of our appreciation and gratitude.

We love you all,

Sooo.... Go and Have A Good Time.

"Sooo... go and have a good time", is pretty much what Victoria and I thought we heard the girls say when we told them this morning that they were staying behind and just Mom & Dad were going to China to bring Xiao Qian home. Of course, it wasn't in so many words, but I have to say that it was completely supernatural, so much so that Victoria said her jaw was figuratively laying on the floor after the conversation was over.

So here's how I laid it out, in so many words (without a whole lot of pre-planning because I've found that over thinking these types of things only makes it more awkward, although I was a bit nervous to be quite honest). I decided to take the perspective that the glass is half full rather than half empty. Believe me, this is quite counter to my natural inclination. I told the girls (Poppy was the one that we were most concerned about) that Mommy and I prayed real hard to God that He would arrange things just the right way so that everything would work out perfectly to bring Xiao Qian home. And furthermore, that He answered our prayers by allowing their big brother, Austin, and his wife, Meagan, to come home for two whole weeks while Mommy & Daddy could go to China and find Xiao Qian. This means that they get two whole weeks with them (Don't they look like a lot of fun?) and Brother (how they affectionately refer to Barret) all alone (lucky them). And..., they may even get to go travel to San Luis Obispo to see their older sister, Annie, and... they will get surprises and/or notes everyday from Mommy & Daddy while they're in China. Willow was her usual Chinese jumping-bean (Is there such a thing? If not, she's a first.), hard to contain and probably not giving much consideration to what I was saying, and Poppy was intently processing the whole thing with her eyes darting to and fro, but nevertheless with a slight grin on her face. I have to believe Poppy was thinking that this was a pretty good deal. I never said, "You're not going to China", rather I said, "You get to stay and be with the family, lucky dogs."

So, when you sift through all of that, I guess one could say that it's no big deal. But not Victoria and me. We say that this is a God-thing, and He's a big deal. (Thank you, Francis Chan - "Forgotten God", for helping me see the Spirit, Jesus and God in more of everything, rather than little in anything.) We know Poppy all too well. And we also say this is an answer to prayer, many prayers, perhaps from you. So to that we say, "Thank you, thank you, and thank you." In fact, we cannot thank you enough. This may have been one of our biggest reservations about leaving.

No doubt the next three-plus weeks will have their trials (for the girls in particular), so we'll all need to continue in prayer for them, but the highest first hurdle was cleared with room to spare. So now we can indeed go to China and have a good time, just like we think we heard the girls telling us..., just like we know we hear the Lord telling us.

Having a good time,

Telling the Little Ones soon...

Our little girls don't know YET that they will NOT be accompanying us to China... Poppy came along last time and she just assumes that she'll be coming this time too.

We have been waiting for the "One week to go" time frame to sit down with them and share the plan for this time. You know, if little ones are told TOO soon they have too much time to think about it and you feel that you are just prolonging their potential sadness. TOO long and they are not prepared mentally and may feel somewhat abandoned. So... this Saturday is the day. I have asked Tom to do the talking with me at his side. We expect Poppy to take it pretty hard... she is so close to me and would rather I not go ANYWHERE without her. : )

Last week she found an empty suitcase that I had laying around and she rolled it into the kitchen where I was cooking and said, "Mama, can I start to pack for China?" Ouch. I said, "Oh, it's too soon to think about that yet honey..." (liar,liar, pants on fire!).

Anyway, I sure am enjoying their sweet kisses and smells and the adorable things they say and do knowing I will be away, on the other side of the world from them, for 2 whole weeks.

I have NO anxiety about their care as the Lord has surely provided the most PERFECT situation with Austin and Meagan coming. But I know their little hearts will have an ache nevertheless... And when we return, we will return with another family member and they will need to find their "new normal" just as the rest of us will. It is all a lot for a little one to absorb. I trust the Lord will go before us and that He will minister His grace and love to their little trusting hearts. I am always comforted that in God's Sovereignty He moves in our lives in such an orchestrated manner that what is GOOD for us and Xiao Qian (this adoption) will be GOOD for ALL of us. Not easy, mind you, but VERY, very GOOD.

Here is a picture I took of Willow today. She naps while Poppy is at Kindergarten and about 20 minutes after I had tucked her in, I peeked in her room and saw her asleep but STILL holding her book up. My first thought was that she'd heard me coming and was faking being asleep! (She does that... little stinker!) :) So, I stealthily waited outside her door hoping to call her bluff and laugh with her at her silliness. Well, that little monkey really WAS asleep and she held that book up for a good 30 minutes at least! (I kept checking!)

Yesterday I made contact with the Asst. Principal of the school where Xiao Qian will attend. Tom and I had always planned on enrolling her as soon as we'd all recovered from jet lag. We want her to have the tools to learn English and become communicative with us and her new culture as soon as possible. But lately we have felt ill at ease about matriculating her so quickly. We have felt our need to just BE together for a time... a few weeks perhaps? Our local middle school has an ESL class first period and Tom and I began to wonder if they might let us take JUST that for a time. Well, the Asst. Principal was so supportive that I was literally choking back tears when we hung up. She will allow us to wade in, so to speak and bring our new daughter to just the morning session for a time. She had other helpful suggestions and ideas too and I thanked her profusely. :) This has put our hearts to rest. It will be a steep learning curve for all of us in the weeks to come.

Would you please pray for our Poppy and Willow as they hear of our plans this weekend?

Thank you our friends.

ALSO, if anyone has a question about anything regarding our adoption of Xiao Qian, just leave it on the "comments" below and we will answer it the next day... it's fun to share it all...

All Aboard!

So, how am I (are we) doing with the adoption finally drawing so near and just about to become a reality? Victoria described it to me well the other evening when she said, "One year ago when we first embarked upon this process and decision, I could see the train in the distance and knew it was coming my way, not giving too intense of thought to it. Now I see it so much more clearly because that blinding light is staring me right in the face and the train is about stop at my station." And once we board that train, there's no getting off (thankfully). So there's a lot of emotions running through my soul right about now (I cannot address Victoria's with nearly as much clarity, of course). Life as I (we) once knew it is about to change forever, yet again.

Our house is about to become much smaller. The girl's room is about to become much more crowded. The bathrooms are about to be used a lot more frequently, with perhaps waiting times between. Clutter is about increase. Driving to and fro is about to escalate. Household expenses are about multiply. Our cuisine is about to be altered. Confusion and chaos are about to ensue.

And the family dynamics and culture? Why it's also about to change, radically. There will be less time for leisure with one another. We'll be trying to figure out where each one fits into the new family mold. How does Barret connect with Xiao Qian? How does Xiao Qian connect with the girls? Will Xiao Qian view us as MaMa and BaBa right away, or will that take awhile, or will that happen at all? What about Austin? What about Meagan? What about Annie? Where do they fit into the new family structure? They're part of the family, but not living in the house. Emotions will undoubtedly rise, tensions will build, patience will be tried, and we're going to be tired. Everything will be catawampus, at least for awhile.

Get the picture? I'm scared. Thinking about all of this throws me into a tailspin. But wait a minute! (This is where I catch myself.) It's not bad, it's good, because... now we're needy, now we're dependent, now we're sacrificing, now we're serving, now we're forced into the bosom of Jesus because we have no where else to turn. And for what cause, for what sake? For His sake! Xiao Qian bears the face of Jesus. Austin & Meagan bear the face of Jesus. So does Annie, so does Barret, and so do Poppy and Willow. And so do Victoria and I for that matter. This is not earthly work; no, it's heavenly work, eternal work, Kingdom work, and joyful work. It's this thinking that forces my tailspin into a recovery and my vertigo vanishes. And this is not human thinking, it's supernaturally driven. From a natural perspective, this is foolishness, but from the Savior's perspective, this is divine. Bottom Line: This is love! And for what higher calling can I, can we Kruggel's live? None! Absolutely none! Suddenly, I'm not scared anymore. No, I'm humbled, I'm sobered, I'm privileged, and I'm excited. Now, yes now, we're forced to walk by faith, and not by sight. (cf. II Corinthians 5:7)

So, on that note, nothing's going to derail this train. And when it stops @ 15 Hartwood Court, I'm not going to walk onto that train. No, Jesus is going to carry me across the threshold and onto it. And though weary and heavy laden, there on the train bound to "Who knows where?", I will find rest for my soul.

I hear the whistle blowing and the Conductor calling out for the last time, "All Aboard!"

"Greetings, Dear Daughter"

This is our final letter (below) to our little Xiao Qian before we meet in almost exactly two weeks. It will be delivered to her by our emissary in China, Angela (who has been such a blessing to us in our adoption of Willow, and now Xiao Qian). Victoria crafted this letter after she asked me if I wanted to weigh in with some thoughts of my own. Knowing I could not possibly improve upon Victoria's tender, motherly sense to meet Xiao Qian in perhaps one of the most vulnerable times of her life, I unhesitatingly declined. After reading what Victoria wrote, I was almost brought to tears trying to imagine Xiao Qian musing over it with excitement, wonder, sorrow, confusion, fear, resignation and acceptance.

Dear Xiao Qian,

Greetings dear daughter. We are busily preparing to meet you in a very short time. After a long year of paperwork and many prayers, we will be honored to become your parents on Jan. 25th!

Every day we are preparing for our trip. We have our airplane tickets, as well as your ticket for the flight home. We also have some fun trips planned for the time we will spend with you in your country too. We think of you everyday, and your new brothers and sisters are all excited to meet you and welcome you to our family. We cannot bring them on our trip as they all have school, but they will meet you as soon as we arrive back in California. Your oldest brother Austin, and his new wife Meagan are coming all the way from Colorado to take care of your 2 little sisters so that we can travel to bring you home.

We think that you are a very brave girl to take this new step in your life and we will ALWAYS be at your side to help you and love and support you. We always pray and hope that you will feel at peace in our home, and that we can make this next year a very good year for you! We are so happy and filled with joy to become your parents.

Blessings dear Xiao Qian... we shall see you very soon.

With love from our hearts, Father (Tom), Mother (Victoria) and brothers and sisters, Austin, Meagan, Annie, Barret, Poppy and Willow

I love you, Victoria. This little girl will soon discover, like all of us that have gone before her, what a remarkable woman you are, and what a loving mother you will be to her for the remainder of her life. She shall one day rise up and call you "blessed" (cf. Proverbs 31:28).

Reminiscing...

When I was pregnant and close to my "due date", I would begin to think/reminisce of my other deliveries and the precious first few hours and days with my babies. Those were some of the BEST moments of my 52 years of life. It is the same with adoption!!

Just a different kind of "delivery"! : )

In 2 short weeks, Tom and I will walk into a Civil Affairs office in Guangzhou, China and will lay eyes on our 13 year old "newborn". We will meet, probably share a brief hug (so as not to frighten her), and after signing a few (more) papers, we will walk out of those doors with her... forever OURS to love and cherish, just like Poppy and Willow, and Austin, (our DIL Meagan) and Annie and Barret. Loved and cherished.

Thank you for allowing us to share a few moments of our "special deliveries":

"OK, what's next??"

"Please save me from this bearded man!!"

Now, Daddy is her favorite!

(Smart Girl!)

Willow actually took to "brother" best that day...Poppy not so sure she signed up for this!

"It's Okay sweet Wu Hui Xuan, it's OK....

we love you."

Precious baby girl.

We are convinced she was doing this in the womb!

Her first belly laugh...learning to trust, already.

"Which of these 'things' (people) is NOT like the others?"

Poor darling.

Our first moments with a frightened Qing Zu Qiao...Poppy.

Someone gave her a chocolate and she is clutching it with all her might.

This makes me cry...our dear Poppy, coming to us as just ONE of 147 MILLION orphans...such a GIFT.

Some Sure Signs of Adoption Around Our Home : )

The purchasing of many new items...

Figuring out something familiar I can feed our new daughter...

Finishing projects that have gone undone...

Cleaning out drawers and cupboards...basic NESTING!

Imperishable Gifts

{Here's a unartistic version of our Christmas Newsletter this year. Thought we would post it here.}

“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” (John 14:18)

Dear Family & Friends,

When we first heard the words of Jesus that He would not leave us as orphans but would come to us, we had no idea He would come so soon. We’ve seen the face of Jesus in all of our children (Austin & his new beautiful bride Meagan, Annie, Barret, Poppy and Willow), and also in one another, and we shall soon see Him again in the face of Xiao Qian. Xiao Qian (13) will be the newest member of our family after we travel to China to adopt her as one of ours for life. Although we will no doubt unwrap many perishable gifts stored under the tree this Christmas, His gift to us in her, being imperishable, will have to wait until after December 25th.

We’ve also been the recipients of other innumerable and imperishable gifts this year; like our new daughter-in-law, Meagan, on May 23rd, and Austin's first post-graduate engineering job in Colorado, and Annie’s persistent pursuit of life’s preparations while attending CalPoly, San Luis Obispo, and Barret’s continued commitment to excellence as a Junior in High School, and Poppy’s undying love for her new family, and Willow’s blossoming spirit after more than a year of momentous life changes.

With sincere humility and gratitude under the banner of our Love, Jesus, we also cherish your gifts of charity, encouragement, and most of all prayers. Jesus and His grace came to us in the most unexpected and life changing ways, beginning with our own invisible adoption by Him, and now visibly in all of our children, including our earthly adoptions. This next journey of our lives, starting in 2010, will no doubt require the discipline of bended knee, patience, and an abundance of grace like we’ve never known before. All of us Kruggel’s are right where we need to be, dependent and needy.

And so it also was that He, once a baby born in a stable and became a man that died on a cross, gave us the imperishable - adoption as sons and daughters of God forever. We embrace this mystery with confident faith because we’re known and belong to Him. This Christmas we all celebrate being known and belonging. These are God-created longings that all of mankind possesses, and we’re indebted to Jesus, our Savior they’re satisfied. We now go forth in love, being filled with love, that others might also be known and belong.

Adopted for Life, Adopted Forever, Recipients of Imperishable Gifts,

Tom & Victoria


(Merry Christmas!)

Annie, Victoria, Poppy, Tom, Willow, Barret, Meagan & Austin (& eventually Xiao Qian)

Shopping for Xiao Qian!

Here's an interesting question...WHAT should I bring to China for our new teenaged daughter? Poppy and Willow came with the clothes on their little backs, so that was easy...bring EVERYTHING! Bottles, formula, diapers, clothing, baby carrier, etc, etc... I chose their little outfits with joyful and reckless abandon not giving a second thought as to whether they would "like" my choices for them! This time I am not sure what our Xiao Qian will have and what she will need for our time in China.

Our friends, the Fates, who adopted teenage sisters when we adopted Willow said that their girls just had the clothes they were wearing. Fortunately, Audrey came prepared with the basic essentials...jammies, underwear, socks, some basic clothing items, t-shirts, etc. Like many older adopted children, their girls wore their familiar clothing much of their first week together. Understandably, when EVERYTHING in your life has changed almost overnight, the familiar things become a great source of comfort. So with some advice from Audrey and another bloggy-friend, Lori, (who returned 3 months ago with her teen daughter) I set out for Target with my Annie, to begin buying a few things...

Just let me say that it is a strange experience to choose underwear for a 13 year old daughter whom you have never met... Hmmm... nothing TOO "out there" color-wise, but she IS a teen, so something other than basic white... hipsters, bikinis, briefs?? What does she wear now? Will these seem too uncomfortable? wild? boring? Oh dear... On to socks... : )

Target was pretty cleaned out in the robe and slipper department so we proceeded to Macy's where Annie found the perfect SUPER-soft bubble-gum pink robe ON SALE! We also found some pink slippers, cozy thermal style jammies and a cute scarf for her too. I carefully thought over each item...it was a fun project and provided me with a preliminary way of bonding with her from afar.

Last week I purchased a few tops for her. My goal was to choose stylish things and yet items that were "quietly stylish". I pictured her walking the halls in our local middle school here...being totally shell-shocked by the cultural changes in her life. She will undoubtedly feel like a fish out of water. As much as possible, I wanted to choose clothing that would help her feel that she blends in with the other kids her age... So, stylish enough to blend in, but not to stand out.

I am bringing her one pair of jeans... not sure of the size, just had to ballpark it.

Other purchases included a journal (thanks Audrey for that idea) where she can chronicle her experiences to look back on and hopefully share with us at some point when language becomes stronger. Some toiletries, face cream, chapstick, toothbrush, etc... all to go into a small make up bag of her very own. Annie picked out a big package of gel pens to take along too... we figure she can write or doodle in times of quiet or stress. I am also bringing her a mandarin copy of the biography "Joni" about Joni Ereackson-Tada. We will have a Mandarin-English Bible waiting for her here at home as well.

So much to think about.

I am grateful that my mind is becoming more and more filled with thoughts of her... Life is so busy with all of the other kids, and as with our other adoptions, (and MUCH earlier pregnancies...) it has all felt quite surreal up until now.

I am grateful for these concrete musings of my new, dear daughter. It feels like... well, a miracle.

Xin Nian Kuai Le!

Jonathan Edwards, the great 18th century reformer, made 70 lifetime resolutions that he read to himself once a week. You can read them here by clicking on this link below:

http://www.apuritansmind.com/ChristianWalk/ResolutionsOfJonathanEdwards.htm

Sitting on the couch with my family last night waiting for the new year to ring in, we all sort of joked around about New Years resolutions we might make. With tongue in cheek I said, "I want to be a better person." Victoria said, "I'll never sin again." We laughed and thought about what weenies we are compared to men like Jonathan Edwards. For example, he "Resolved, to think on all occasions of my own dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death." And he "Resolved, when I feel pain, to think of the pains of martyrdom, and of hell." I think we all went to bed that night (morning) without any real serious resolutions at all.

But this morning I took the girls out for a walk and to play in the park. On the way, Poppy looked up at me and said, "Dad, don't text anybody while we're together, O. K.?" Hummm, now there's a good New Year's resolution, not to be distracted in our hyper-connective and multi-tasking world at the expense of another. It's so easy, so tempting to grab the Blackberry out of my holster and see what's going on, as if nothing else in the world could wait or matters in that moment. And my little girl Poppy convicted me that even though I may be with her, she doesn't feel I'm with her when I do that. So, I thought to myself and prayed to God that from now on I want to resolve to keep my communication devices incognito until I am in a place where others will not feel cheated or uncared for because I'm focused on cyber-connectedness. Francis Chan, in his recent book "Forgotten God" states that one of the reasons we don't sense closeness to our Lord and the Spirt (and others for that matter) is because the volume in our lives is too loud. Not a terribly revelational thought, but an illuminating reminder that the busyness of my life has drawn me away from Jesus, and also those I love most.

So, simply put, thanks to Poppy, I am "Resolved to stay in the moment with the Spirit and others, resisting the temptation to think inward by outward distractions." Xie xie, Poppy!

Xin Nian Kuai Le! (Happy New Year!)