No So Stinky Stink-Eye

We just had to post this picture of our little Willow-tree hanging off a tree (swing). She looks pretty adorable here... kind of innocent, if you know what we mean. But it always amazes us, still, that such a stinking cute little thing can be such a stinker. One minute she's got you wrapped around your thumb and the next she's throwing a temper tantrum and seething with the stinkiest stink-eye you've ever seen. We know we're supposed to abhor sin, and deep down we do, but even when she's naughty we sometimes just have to snicker. If you've ever had young children we're sure you know what we mean. But let there be no misunderstanding, she can get the best of us.

We love her so,

A New Song

Yesterday the Lord put a new song in my heart. It came in the most unexpected and unplanned way. I've found that's often the way He works. While waiting to come home from a business trip to North Carolina, I stood in an airport bookstore browsing through some reading material. I had over a five hour flight ahead of me. Just as I was about to run out of time, I happened upon a book entitled "Choosing to SEE" by Mary Beth Chapman. I had heard of it from a review in World Magazine and it sort of caught my eye back then. The longer I stood there, the harder I felt the tug to buy it, on impulse. It's very unlike me pay full price for something I know I could get for half the cost, and also not do a lot more research on it before purchasing. Sounds pretty calculating for such a tiny thing, and that's the way I am (drives Victoria crazy). I also wasn't sure I wanted to go there, where the Chapman's have been, so up close and personal. I knew part of the story, and also knew that it was a heartbreak. So, after standing there for five full minutes contemplating my small purchase, I felt a still, small voice inside of me saying "Just buy it! What could you lose?" I was convinced that pull was from the Spirit, so after laying down $20+ dollars I left and walked to the gate with new book in tow.

After finding my seat on the airplane, I got settled and immediately opened it to begin reading. My heart was pounding because I knew I was about to be profoundly moved by this family that the Lord directly used to bring Victoria and me to a place where we would be changed forever by adoption. If you don't know their story, I won't tell you now... you'll have to read the book for yourself. I barely got through the first small chapter and I couldn't hold back the tears from dropping onto my cheeks. I stayed glued to it the entire flight. At moments I laughed, but most of the time I wept in my heart, with occasional precipitation falling from the visual orifices on my face. The brutal honesty of pain and suffering, sin and failure, guilt and its eroding power was strangely refreshing to read and sorrowfully difficult to swallow. Yet at the same time the stripping away of everything, to the point where all you have to hold on to is Jesus, showed the power of His love to overcome anything, even death itself. I'm still in recovery mode as I reel from this story and play it over and over and over again in my mind. But I'm recovering not from the effects of the book, but from the passivity of my faith in the shallowest depths of despair by way of comparison. And that's why I have a new song in my heart, because I see more clearly that the simplicity of allowing Jesus to be my all in all within all is the joy He promised and freely offers. I know that may sound like a bunch of Christian-ese, and I'm sorry if my words cannot fully convey the depth of what Jesus has to offer, but that's always been a notable difference between us - God is God and I am not.

Today I looked at my family through a different lens. I've worn those lenses before, but my vision's been impaired with age. It's really not that much different than growing old in my physical body (I need to get my glasses prescription renewed again). But that's not the way God wants His children, regardless of their chronological age, to spiritually age. I've allowed the enemy to defeat me in so many ways. I've given him a foothold, so to speak. But not today. Today, in Jesus, I held my children differently. I thought of them differently. I disciplined them differently. I prayed for them differently. I played with them differently. I thought of them differently. I talked to them differently. I lived differently, choosing to see Jesus in every moment, and not waiting to see Him in the special moments. And you know what? He showed up. I saw Him in the smiles of my kids, the voice of my wife, the tears of the little girls after discipline, the busyness of life in my Annie-girl, the physical pain of my son Austin, and the needs of Barret.

The Chapman's may never know, until we hug in heaven, what the Lord's done in the lives of us Kruggel's through their faithfulness. Their faith has become our joy, and their suffering has become our blessing. Odd how God works. I would have never orchestrated it this way, but then it would have never turned out that way.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a song of praise to our God;

Many will see and fear

And will trust in the Lord.

(Psalm 40:3)

Choosing to SEE,

Adoption "Season" for Evangelicals

We continue to be a little flabbergasted that the WALL STREET JOURNAL posts articles like the one linked below. But make no mistake about it, we're thrilled and grateful:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703743504575494263102089970.html

Two things by way of editorial comment:

1. It's always adoption season for true evangelicals (those who treasure Jesus), in spite of the title of the article. That doesn't mean all Christians adopt, but it does mean that we followers of Jesus care for orphans in their distress (cf. James 1:27).
2. There's a pondering thought at the end of the second to last paragraph which states, "... one wonders how these evangelical adoptive parents overcome their own desire for control, bring a stranger into their home, and then take responsibility for raising him." Answer ~ This is a spiritual thing, a work of the Spirit. And the irony of it all is that it's not a desire for control because that was relinquished to the King at the moment we said we no longer wanted control.

Thank you WALL STREET JOURNAL for helping to make ~147,000,000 orphans more than just a number,

A Picture Post

Since we haven't made a post in awhile, we thought it might be nice to just attach a few shots of our family over the last few weeks. A picture is worth a thousand words and, thus, you'll get a better glimpse of the Kruggel-household of late by looking rather than reading.

Austin recently had surgery and Victoria went out to be with him, Meagan and the Kirkpatrick's. Meagan stayed by Austin's side the entire time and spent the night there every evening. Here they are, still as cute as ever.

That's right! Tom's holding a ticket to Game #2 of the World Series, compliments of his boss and partner. How generous is that?

It never really quite set in that Tom was actually at Game #2 of the World Series. Here he is with other fellow Hines colleagues.

Couldn't resist carving a pumpkin to show our team spirit. Victoria's Mao-tou-ying (owl) was a favorite in the family pumpkin-carving contest this year.

Having never carved a pumpkin before, Piper did quite well (one on the left). Willow's in the middle, and Poppy's on the right (Barret was out that night - boo hoo).

Wilow's becoming a Giant's fan (actually, not really - she hasn't got a clue what's going on, nor does she seem to care).

Here's Barret trying to play Xiao Qian's violin. He's much better at guitar. We think he'll stick with that.

Poppy asked Victoria the other day, "If the Giants win the World-Serious, will they be the best in the world?" We may find out tomorrow night. This is very, very serious.

What can we say? Poppy likes noodles, and she's got this chopstick thing down, we're tellin' ya.

On the pain scale, Austin's surgery was a pretty high one, but here he is not long after the operation being his usual, good-spirited self. He's recovering well, and we're all very grateful for our beloved son and our Jesus' grace, mercy and love.

Piper is so dexterous that it amazes us. Tom recently took her to a bow-making workshop with the other girls while Victoria was out of town. She made this incredible Fall-bow in a jiffy. She loves this stuff.

This is Tom being Tom right before Halloween. Xiao Qian thinks he's "fengla" (crazy) and is fresh bait for his silly gestures that no one laughs at anymore except Piper.

This picture quality isn't the best (phone-mail foto), but here's our sweet Annie-girl showing off her new scarf that Tom brought back from his recent trip to China. She's so cute.

Victoria & I are surprised by how few "firsts" there are for Piper when it comes to new and different experiences from those while living in China. Dressing up like fairy princesses and politely asking for candy is one that we finally discovered. Here they are - the three Chinese Fairly Princesses.

Thank you for your love, patience, support and encouragement.

Jesus Absorbed the Wrath of God

We know that a few of you that follow our blog may not share our same faith, but we remain grateful that you stay in touch with us and follow along anyway. We genuinely love you all, regardless of anyone's convictions. But we want everyone to know that what motivates the direction of our lives runs much deeper than what's conveyed on the surface or in the body of our entries. We have a passion that was born not of ourselves, but given to us as the greatest gift of all. Deserving we are not, not only of the wonder and amazement of every member given into the Kruggel household, but more importantly of the faith we have. We desire that all receive the same free gift, and we pray that (like us) the blind would see, the lame walk, the fatherless come home and the dead rise again. Sound crazy? It did to us as well at one time, but now we cannot fathom going back to the place where we did not believe, where we did not trust.

Our family pleads with you to consider, with an open mind, the truth as expounded in the six and a half (6 1/2) minute video available below (click on it). Who Jesus was and what He did was not only a good and great thing, but the only thing that can absorb the emptiness we all feel, know and experience as common human beings.

Absorbed in the Love of God,

Hope is Fading

Praying about whether that Sunday (November 7, 2010) will be our/your Orphan Sunday. (Click on link below.)

http://vimeo.com/13888620

Pray with us.

Our Hope is Not Fading,

Love the Harvest Season

Today Victoria and the little girls gave me a simple surprise and took me to a local orchard where they had some steel drum players. (Barret was working and Xiao Qian was at a school project.) They figured that since there were drummers there I'd love that. I did. They were terrific, and the little thoughtful gesture was very sweet.

The proprietors had all their harvest wares on full display. It was so festive and fall-ish (Victoria's favorite time of the year). While there the girls decided they'd try on some silly outfits and pose for some "pumpkin-shots". They're posted below:

We love the Autumn.

So cute!

We're stylin'!

But this picture is the scariest of them all:

This is what a blueberry lollipop will do for you.

Thank you for the wonderful outing, girls,

Signage

One of the things that always brings a smile to our faces when we travel to China is reading the Chinese character signage that's been translated into English. While literally correct we're sure, the grammatical translation is usually a little off. Sometimes it's hysterically off. Victoria's always thought that someone could make a fortune translating into English grammatically correct signage. Maybe there's an opportunity out there. To give credit where credit is due, however, we're sure that if the roles were reversed we couldn't even come close to accurately portraying what was trying to be communicated.

Here's a couple of examples of some signs I saw while in China last week.

Loving these little nuances,

What Are the Odds?

We just think this is the funniest thing about our little Willow-tree. She, like many young girls her age, just love putting on other's shoes. But regardless of whether she's just playing with shoes that belong to someone else or putting on her own shoes, she almost always, that's right almost always, puts them on the wrong feet. What are the odds of that? Thing is, she doesn't even notice that they're backwards. I guess you kind of have to know her and and see her to appreciate this coincidence, but it brings a pretty big smile to our faces every time we look down at her feet.

Enjoying the little things,

My Magnetic North

If you’ve been following our blog lately, you know I’ve been in China this week on a business trip. I’m now returning on the long leg home with almost the same amount of time on my hands as that of when I wrote my entry of September 26^th (or thereabouts – I’ve sort of lost track of time). As you might have deduced, I’ve wrestled greatly about the separation from my family, much more than I could possibly convey in written word. I worried of the miles between us to the point of almost getting an upset stomach. My sleep patterns had anything but a pattern, and my appetite was constricted. So physically speaking, this trip has done a number on my body. I’ve tried to stay close to the Lord and allow Him to be my portion (cf. Numbers 18:20b). There’s been no other portion for me to have. And while I wish I could say that it satisfied, it didn’t, at least not completely and all the time. God’s always in the business of satisfying, but I’m afraid I’m not always in the business of being satisfied by Him.

With the extra time on my hands while alone at night (at the same time as most of you were just waking up from a night’s sleep), I had plenty opportunity to think, pray and read. I went on long walks, perhaps miles (kilometers over there), mulling over and over and over again a myriad of thoughts, memories and reflections. All of this while immersed in a sea of people, but it was almost as if they were not there. I couldn’t get my family off my mind, and so anxiety set in until I was able come back to my magnetic north that pointed me where I needed.

Here’s where the compass pulled me, and Jesus spoke to me with these words, “Why are you so afraid?” (Mark 4:40a) “I don’t know why I’m afraid, my Lord”, I responded. “Help me with my fear.” (cf. Mark 9:24) When Jesus asked this question of the disciples who thought they were going to perish at the hands of the storm, their fear turned to a different kind, one of awe. They had just witnessed power to such a degree that even the wind and the waves fell subject to His command. There was a hush in their midst. The author, Mark, says “… there was a great calm”. (Mark 4:39b) I felt it then at that moment when He whispered those words into my ear, even though I thought the surge of the sea was crashing in around me. It comes when all other things are tuned out and I listen to the Word of Life, Truth. There are two places where I “hear” this calm. One is at the hands of the instrument, like Saul when David played the harp for him at times of distress. (cf. I Samuel) Sweet melody and lyric (music) of the kind that exalt Jesus bring me to that place. The other is much more powerful, and that’s at the hands of the Book. For Jesus alone possesses “the words of eternal life”. (John 6:68b) They’re “… perfect, restoring the soul;” They’re “sure, making wise the simple.” They’re “right, rejoicing the heart;” They’re “pure, enlightening the eyes.” They’re “clean, enduring forever;” They’re “true; they are righteous altogether. They are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb.” (Psalm 19:7-10)

I’m moving away from the sun, and it has quickly become dark. My daylight has been cut short, so I shall sleep, now while you sleep. When I awake, I will almost be home. My good friend Huang, from China, who I spent most of my time with while there, told me that I should sleep with my head pointed north because the magnetic pull is good for my blood flow. I’m afraid I’m sitting east/west and cannot turn the plane in a different direction. That’s O. K., I’d rather have poor circulation to reach my destination than any physical gain from pointing toward the poles. For now I’m calm again, in the presence of Jesus who just set the sun. “Do not be afraid” (Mark 6:50b), He gently says to me… He says to you.

I'm Coming Home

After a surprising and unusual good first night’s sleep in Beijing, I ventured to various business sites throughout the day and flew directly to Shanghai that night. While my stay was short, to use to oft over-used colloquialism, “it was sweet”.  That night I checked into my hotel only to step into what is definitely the most posh and opulent hotel I’ve ever stayed in. I immediately felt out of place and said to myself, “I don’t belong here”. As I later said to Victoria, it has everything you could possibly imagine, and everything you could possibly not. But what struck me most was what I saw out the window that night after walking across the room and opening the drapes. With jaw still on the floor from the ostentatious conditions of my living, I stared upon an old, run down building with rusty air conditioning units and laundry hung outside the windows to air-dry. I immediately went from awe to a very different kind of awe, and it almost literally brought me to tears. The emotional confluence of conditions was perfect for a flood of reactions, most of which were sobering. What contrast, what dichotomy, and what extremes. I can’t really make heads nor tails of it.

 

Most live on the side outside my window. I encountered many today, a closing day of finishing out a few business details and then exploring some of the back alleys of Shanghai. As a gray-haired, bearded westerner I stood out like a sore thumb, even in this very international and cosmopolitan city, especially in those parts. I eventually made my way over to the Expo – 2010, and saw there multitudes of what looked like those who lived in conditions similar to those in view outside my hotel window. Most had smiles on their faces, living peaceful and contented lives. But what do I know? I cannot peer into their hearts.

 

On a few different occasions this week I heard American colleagues of mine say to me, “That is so Chinese!”, referring to a business practice that is so counter-culture to the United States that is seems unfathomable. But is it wrong? I suspect the opposite might be said of Americans when Chinese businesspeople visit the United States. “That’s so American!”  Yes it is, to both of us. Whenever I visit this country I’m reminded of how narrow-minded I am about so many things in life. There are a ton of people here, it’s not nearly as open as the United States, it smells in some places, cars and bicycles/motorcycles are everywhere, it’s noisy, etc. But… so what? It’s life, and these people are making it work. And for many, it’s a good life. But regardless of whether you’re from China or from America, there’s one thing we all need and lack of ourselves, and that’s perfect love. Everyone’s searching for it – it doesn’t matter where you’re planted on the globe.

 

Saying good-bye to China and Shanghai for now. I’m attaching a final night shot of Pudong (hope it posts because facebook and Blogger are still definitely blocked). I’m lonely, tired and homesick.  I’m ready for some love.

 

Take me home, Jesus,

kings, and the King

Right now I'm somewhere over the Pacific Ocean, but I have no idea where except that I'm between the West Coast of the United States and the East Coast of China. Not only that, but I have no idea if this blog entry will actually log into our site. We tried blogging from China eight months ago (when we adopted Xiao Qian) using this "e-mail" method (I'm sending an e-mail into Blogger), and it seemed to work. Blogger may not still be blocked in China as it was back then, but I have a little time on my hands right now (a 12 hour flight mind you), so I thought I'd take advantage of the opportunity by opening up my laptop and journaling some thoughts. I'm not really that tired, even though it's about 10:30 on Saturday night, about 1:30 p.m. on Sunday in China. (I arrive @ ~6:00 p.m., China-time.) These momentary spells of solitude don't come my way that often anymore.

When I left this morning I was a little sick to my stomach. I'm emotionally juxtaposed between a very, very exciting business opportunity in China and leaving what I love most on this earth behind, my family. I was so torn about it a few days ago that I think I only got a couple hours of sleep that night. And this morning's good-bye was heart-wrenching, sort of a déjà vu from when Annie left for CalPOLY about two weeks ago. Poppy's reaction was almost identical to what I described in an earlier blog post this month, which didn't help matters much. Geese, I love those people!

So how do I make heads and tails out of all this severe cognitive dissonance I'm experiencing? How do I wrestle with the notion of caring for my family with work (we have to work) and to what extent when it means that we're separated, this time for five to six days? Is this what God has called a father of six (four at home) and a husband to Victoria to do? Answer: I don't know! How's that for peace of mind? Perhaps I might be judged by others, but none more severely than me. Here's what I know… For whatever reason, and this I do not know either, I have "found favor in the eyes" of the "king" (Genesis 39:4). Victoria reminds me of this all the time. The "king" has entrusted an enormous amount of responsibility to me and he never worries about that part of his kingdom, and by this I'm humbled and honored, both at the same time. I've often felt like Joseph knowing that I could have very well been left in the pit without discovery or drawing out. And when found? I could have been owned as a slave and always stayed a slave. But no, God's placed me under the rule of a king, and The King has set me free. So I wrestle to honor both of them, never the highest at the expense of the lower. In fact, I've often told my "king" I cannot go there, or do that, or whatever because it might dishonor the King. Not once have I ever been criticized (at least to my knowledge) for being an ambassador to the King of kings. So here's what I've done… When asked by the king to make a sacrifice like this, I have to believe that it falls under the banner and authority of my King. What I'm doing is not sinful, and sinful "no-no's" I will not ignore. What I am doing is obeying, and sometimes that comes with a price. And furthermore, I have to trust that the price will yield a return much greater than my puny mind allows me to comprehend, because right now it seems like the yield is in the red. I often look to Victoria as a bellwether when placed in positions like this. Her support, although honest about the heartache and effort, are tuning rods that resonate with what I feel is God's current direction for me. I told Victoria the other day, "I will walk away from it all, without hesitation, if I for one moment I feel that we're jeopardizing the most important thing He's ever called us to, and that's one another."

So for now, I'm on my way to China. Excited, scared, nervous, homesick and prayerful. Most of all, I'm now at peace, at least for now, because God has chosen to give me favor in the eyes of the king, favor in the eyes of my wife, favor in the eyes of my children, and most of all favor in the eyes of my King.

I love you, Jesus,

China-Bound

Exactly eight (8) months ago, today, we were in China to unite our family with another. And today, without coincidence, I leave to go back to China, only this time for what feels like a divide. I'm blue about leaving what was united back then and now, and am hopeful that an equally greater uniting will occur while I'm gone. The only grain of sacrifice that will make this trip worthwhile for me is knowing that Truth and Life will go to into a place where it's never penetrated before.

I need your prayers, and my family needs them too.

Here's to China, a land we love. Here's to my family, the one I love. And here's to Jesus, the One who loves.

R Revolving Door

Our household feels so much like a revolving door at times. Austin & Meagan are in, then they're out. Xiao Qian's in, and thankfully staying in. Barret's at a point where less than a year from now he'll be out. And then you just have the normal course-of-life stuff, like me off to work and then back, the little girls off to school and then back, Barret's off to work and then back.

But the latest swing of the revolving door that caught my foot between it and the threshold was Annie's recent departure back to college. This will be her last and final senior year, and she stayed with us over the summer while doing a couple of graphic design internships. Last Sunday we helped pack all of her things up and load them into her car. It was sort of like Groundhog Day because we've deja-vu-ed this scene on several different occasions in the past. But this time was unique for me, only because I caught a glimpse of something that is usually a little foggier.

While standing in the culdesac with Victoria, Willow and Poppy, Annie started her car. I could see Poppy's face out of the corner of my eye, staring at her oldest sister who's elbow was peering out of an open window and her face turned toward us. With only a slight glance at Poppy, an indelible vision pierced my heart. I ended up taking a double-take, and then turned toward Poppy only to see the most forlorn look on the sweetest little face I've ever seen. Her lower lip was wet and droopy, and her eyes were wells of water. With a soft whisper Poppy said, "I wish Annie didn't have to go." I was feeling the same way at that moment, but it wasn't until I saw Poppy's face that it really hit me. I could hardly control my own pressure packed flood gate, and then couldn't hold back a few tears as we waved good-bye while her car turned the corner and then out of sight. I (we) will miss Annie, no doubt, but I will forever be moved by the powerful love-bond that exists between Annie and Poppy. Annie was there from the very beginning (along with all of us), but she's "mothered" Poppy in second position to Victoria whenever Victoria's needed a breather. They laugh a lot together, and often sleep next to each other while snuggled in the trundle bed. Annie's changed her diapers, cradled her to sleep, fed her a bottle, bathed her body, cuti-fied her hair, taken her on special dates, dressed her up, disciplined her and loved her as a her own - she is her own. And this latest revolution of the revolving door now separates those experiences, but the memories live on. There's something about the two of them that at that moment sent me into a tailspin of "good-bye" grief, realizing that "r" revolving door of life will never stop spinning. With each revolution, we're watching the hand of God do what He's always done, and that's prepare the next generation to carry on what He's begun in us, and what He began in Victoria's and my parents, and their parents, and so on.

Sometimes Victoria and I just want the revolving to stop, to stand still if you will. We love each other so much, it pains all of us to be caught in its spin. We have visions of stepping out of the door and cocooning in seclusion. For now, we're indebted and grateful beyond expression that we still all have one another, even if it's at times from a distance.

Beautiful People

A friend of ours at church mentioned this most recent Blog entry of Francis Chan's that she said I just had to read. I did, and must also simply pass it along (click on link below):

http://raychoi.org/2010/09/13/where-is-francis-chan-beautiful-people-sept-2010/

O to be as transparent and real as Francis. And O to be as willing to sacrifice all, most of all our comforts in order to image-bear Jesus to a dying and lost world.

Living by faith to be at peace in the unknown,

Story of Love

I was scanning the website of one of my favorite "go-to" preachers of late, David Platt, author of "Radical", in hopes of finding something to feed my spirit. I happened upon this sermon (video-cast), and was simply blown away by the remarkable artistry found within the first twenty minutes. In fact, it might be one of the most powerful presentations of good news I've ever seen or heard. If you're so inclined, take a gander. And if you're searching for truth, real truth (not the kind that claims to be truth but you eventually discover has countless pitfalls), then you will want to hang on and listen to the entire talk. (Click on Link Below)

http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/story-of-love/

By Faith Under the Story of Love,