Bonhoeffer

I'm riveted by this man, Dietrich Bonhoeffer. His most recent biography by Eric Metaxas attempts to explain someone that is beyond explanation. His passion and conviction seem unprecedented to me, all borne from (seemingly ironically) Jesus' peaceful Sermon on the Mount. I've since gone back and poured over that sermon with a plea for eyes that might see more clearly, ears that might hear more intently, and a spirit that might be moved more completely.

To help I paraphrased Jesus' Beatitudes to contemplate them more easily, and here they are:

The poor in spirit,
their kingdom is heaven

The ones who mourn,
their comfort shall be

The meek of soul,
their inheritance the earth

The parched of holiness,
their satisfaction brought nigh

The pure in heart,
their vision is God

The display of peacemakers,
they're sons of God

The persecuted for righteousness,
their kingdom is heaven

The reviled of Jesus,
their reward is heaven

And while Jesus' Sermon on the Mount encompasses much more than the Beatitudes, I couldn't go any further into it as I'm now riveted again by this man, Jesus, and the first eight stanzas from His mouth as He stood on a hill and echoed from God.

Contemplatively,

My Cause to Pause

Today Victoria sent me a phone mail message and picture that melted my already gooey heart, stopping me dead in my tracks with a cause to pause. Her message, to quote verbatim, "Poppy's art from today (from kindergarten)... five years ago she didn't have a family... so grateful she's ours!"

This weekend will mark our five-year anniversary ("Gotcha Day") with a heart-broken, uncontrollably weeping and helpless little girl that we didn't have a name for (except her given name, Qing Zu Qiao). Hours later, while we all lay on a hotel bed staring frozen at this bundle of wonder, Victoria looks at me after a little giggle from that same pathetic face just moments before, and says, "This is one of my best days."

And right now? This is one of my best moments.

The Full Spectrum

Victoria tapped into her spontaneous side today and at the last minute decided she'd head down to surprise Annie before finals week @ CalPoly San Luis Obispo. That's the bright and fun side of the experience. The dark and not-so-fun side is what must occur immediately beforehand - telling all the kids that she's going to be gone for the weekend. Adventures that don't involve the entire family are always two-edged swords.

The reactions between the two youngest girls at Victoria's pronouncement are as juxtaposed as night and day, and even have the feel of each. Poppy's fear and sorrow immediately set in, and her usual angelic face turned into a sopping wet cascade of "alligator tears". But Willow's joyful and carefree countenance remained unfazed, bouncing like a little "Tigger" from one room to another as if life were a box of chocolates - they're all sweet even if they come in different shapes and types. And while Piper is disappointed her Momma will not be there to lean on, she's old enough to process space and time, also realizing that momma's are stretched and need to be released to do more than care for just one. And Barret? He's just been there too long and too many times to be moved one way or another.

There's a part of us that wants to favor one reaction over the other, as if one were more healthy, more acceptable and appropriate. Maybe, but we've come to so love the broad continuum of "hard wiring" in all of them. Each are an essential part of the character of our household, and it's so good that we all, kids included, must wrestle with the fact that we're not like the other. We each have to wrestle with the fact that our make-up is not necessarily the preferred one or the best one. We each have to come to terms with releasing the notion that all must conform to be like us. We easily learn early on that others ought to be as we are, but the more difficult process is to learn that all should not be so and to love the astounding differences between us that must be present to complete a whole.

The easier ones are sometimes like Willow's, and the stretching ones are sometimes like Poppy's. Give us both, and everything in between. They're all needed, not just for their sakes but ours also.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Happy fourscore

and here's to so many more

Tonight to you honor

and champagne we pour

To give our due for

what's always been yours

That which you deflected

so others might soar

I suspect that

most are like me

We shudder to ponder

what life might be

If God had not given

to us so free

The splendor of you

for us all to see

We would not know

the bond of a sister

The eldest of which

would stand back to spur

Her brothers to glory

as you meekly transferred

Attention away

and to them you'd prefer

No, we would not know

the touch of a mother

That tender kiss

affection like none other

A word to the wise

and never a bother

To give of yourself

just like your (F)father

And we sure would not know

a faithful, dear friend

Whether golfing, or dining,

or praying to tend

The needs of them all

you condescend

That they all might flourish

and conversely ascend

Nor would we know

a caring grandma

Who always remembers

occasions of awe,

The grandchildren with you

never feel flawed

They'd rather be near

than ever withdraw

And Dad could not know

the sweetest of wife

Who always forgave

and served without strife

You freely sacrificed

some pleasures of life

To give to your husband

honor with rife

(I, suspect, that...)

If your parents were here

they'd know not a daughter

Who treasured them so

like a wellspring of water

Pure and refreshing

like a song from the Psalter

You'd bring them a smile

their heart not to falter

And so (Mom) we

hope

you surely realize

That you are influencing

o' so many of our lives

By just being you

we all seem to thrive

We're just that much better

with you by our sides

So happy fourscore

and so many more

Our wishes for you

and God we implore

To know without question

that you’re created for

The reflection of love

in Jesus we adore

We love you,

A Bubblegum Tree?

The other morning before the day started, we sat down with the three girls (Willow, Poppy & Piper) to read the Bible, talk about it and look for our "grain of grace" for the day. We're ashamed that we did not do this at all with our first three kids and are hopeful to start a new habit with these three that kicks our day off on the right foot. This is one of the benefits of doing it all over again - we get to right at least a few of our wrongs (hopefully), and we certainly have our fair share of wrongs.

On this particular morning we considered the creativity of God and wondered in amazement at how He created something from nothing. We asked the girls if they could do that, and they all quickly nodded their heads indicating they could not. But we did all acknowledge that God's creativity included giving us imaginations that can also be creative. We then asked "If you could create anything you wanted out of nothing, what would it be?" Without hesitation Willow perked up and said, "A bubblegum tree" (with slurred speech that only family members can understand). Now we've never heard of a bubblegum tree (except maybe on Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory), but that was imaginative and, to Willow, the most incredible creation she could conjure up.

That was our grain of grace for the day, a bubblegum tree - an image that's hard to shake.

Thankful for little, creative imaginations,

A Reconnection

We've recently reconnected with the gentleman that was instrumental in bringing our little Poppy-flower into the family. Without him, we're certain we might have never held her chubby, tear-filled cheeks between our hands that first day we saw her in China, and without question she'd not be with us today. We're indebted to him, although he would never see it that way. During the Holidays we were able to see him on camera through Skype (where he was once enjoining the helpless, he's now living among the helpless in Vietnam), and he saw Qing Zu Qiao for the first time. His tender voice to her exuded a personal love, even though he's probably placed hundreds of one-timed orphans into loving homes across our Country.

We're now friends on facebook, and he posted something that caused me to see God o' so clearly, even though His name is never referenced in the film. And watching this reminded me that the most beautiful expression of His being is in us. Watch this two and a half minute video and see if you don't see Him too (click on the link instead of the YouTube Video right below it because the film embedding is disabled).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uH_eqDwTDRY

Our adoption advocate's work in Vietnam also reflects the expression of God. You can see Him here as well by clicking on the link below:

http://www.orphanvoice.org/

Thank you, Tony,

Our Basket

Exactly one year ago we set out on a voyage to give a family to one without. It was a scary adventure, but our constitution and drive were stronger than our fears, and our excitement and enthusiasm covered the uncertainty of the unknown. That's what faith does, and without it we were doomed to never purchase a round trip ticket to China for two with a one-way ticket to the United States for one. How God gave us such faith we can never fully know, and why He gave us faith at all remains a mystery even today.

But our faith runs much deeper than doing the unthinkable. In fact, it beckons us to put all of our eggs in one basket. That basket is the last one most would pick to stock their food while shopping in a grocery store. At first glance it's got broken wheels, holes where food can fall out, a child seat that's bent and uncomfortable, and handles with shattered plastic coverings. Why, it's probably the overflowing one we usually see blocks from the store that's worn and tattered from use by the homeless to truck their belongings from one cold place to another. But that's the basket the homeless use and that's the basket they cling to. That's the only basket they have. It was actually the destiny of the basket from the very beginning.

The only basket we have was also broken. It was bent and a shambles. To be seen with it would be unthinkable..., downright embarrassing. It's the laughing stock of world. But when we first saw it all we could see was a whole cart, completely refurbished with sparkling chrome, perfectly greased wheels and a seat with our name engraved on it. After we put ourselves in that basket, we thought it was full. But after living in it for awhile we realized it had a lot more room in it. Being there by ourselves allowed us to stretch our legs and sleep comfortably, but it wasn't comfort that the basket was given for. It was meant to hold more while the first contents were pushed aside to make room. So we stepped into the corner's edge, knowing all too well that we were going to get smashed, but at least we had peace knowing we were still in the basket. And the surprising thing is that once we made room for more we found out that the first contents were incomplete without the others. And all the while the others were just sitting on the shelf waiting to be made complete themselves, needing a basket in which to reside.

Xiao Qian has changed our lives forever, and we've changed hers forever. She took a leap of faith, but from faith we took the leap. And now we celebrate, with all of us feeling a little crowded, a little uncomfortable at times, and sometimes even a little crushed. But we're all that much more complete, and we're all wanting to the fill the basket until it can be filled no more. It's then, and only then, that the final destination of the cart will rest as intended with its Maker.

Piper at a local Chinese restaurant with Victoria, Tom, Poppy, Willow and Barret on the evening of January 25th, her "Gotcha Day". She intentionally picked out and is wearing the very same sweater she wore that very first day one year ago when she filled our basket.

The origami that Xiao Qian made for Victoria, Tom and herself which, when unfolded, contained the messages to us below.

"Dear Dad, Happy one year with you. Are you so glad you can have me for your daughter? You so smart and funny. So I smart and funny too. Ha! Ha! You so kind to me and love me. Thank you so much for what you did for me. I loved you sooooooo much. I am so happy I can be a part of this family. Love, Piper

"Dear Mom, Happy one year with you. I so happy I can be your daughter. From now I learned many things. I learned to make jewelry and origami. And you taught me how to cook. I enjoy to cook with you. You are best mother! I love you sooooooo much. And thank you for every day to teach my homework. :) Love, Piper

"Happy 'Gotcha Day', Piper. Thank you for making our basket that much more full and that much more complete. We love you,"

Mommy & Daddy

Flowers vs. Trees

As an adjunct to our last post, we find it comical to note the differences between our two little girls. There are clear and obvious distinctives between them, and they couldn't be more duly noted than by looking at the hairdos between their "My Little Pony" ponies.

Can you guess which one belongs to Poppy and which one belongs to Willow?

Loving the differences between flowers and trees,

Why Children Need Mommies

This is why little children needs mommies.

Willow really didn't want me to take this picture, and I suppose I can understand why. She's learning the "art" of self-consciousness and becoming a little more bashful around the camera. Victoria's been tending to the side of our Poppa-licious at a nearby hospital for the last few days while she stabilizes from a very serious viral respiratory condition, so Barret and Willow have been subjected to my clumsy attempts to substitute in her absence (Piper's at a retreat, lucky for her).

Poor little Poppy. (She's doing better now.)

Willow's always been the little more messy one of the two "kid-les". Poppy rarely, if ever, gets food on her face when she's eating, and Willow's got food on and round about her at every meal. Poppy's usually pretty put together with her outfits and Willow puts on whatever is laying around her room. Poppy wants her hair brushed, and Willow probably couldn't care less. Which brings me to the climax of this story. When I brought Willow into the hospital room to see her Mei Mei and Momma, Victoria looked at me after glancing at Willow and her rats-nest hair and said, "Couldn't you have at least put a clip in it or something? Look at her! Daddy's just don't think about these things." Victoria then called Willow over to her and neatly put her back together again.

Yes, Children need mommies, mostly for much deeper reasons, but also for the practical ones.

Thanking God Our Children Have a Mommy (and an exceptional one at that),

The Thing I Love Most In Life

Shortly before Christmas Poppy enthusiastically, but also cautiously, walked up to me and asked me what my favorite thing in the whole world was. Without any hesitation at all I quickly answered, "The Bible". She then smiled at me with a quick, pondering grin and contemplatively walked away. I wasn't quite sure what she was up to, but her query was no doubt purposeful and deliberate. That must have been about a week or so before Christmas Day and I didn't give it much thought after that.

On Christmas morning we all sat around the Christmas tree in our living room, opening presents while cozied-up to a warm fireplace (gas logs, however). We take opening presents slow in our family, sort of a ritual tradition of allowing each person to unwrap one while everyone else focuses on the recipient. After oohing and ah-hing a bit, it's off to the next family member, and so on and so forth. The kids usually give each of us a gift (Victoria & me, that is), and from the little ones it's often something hand-crafted. They're kind of the sweetest gifts of all because they're given without any monetary expense, but no doubt at personal expense in one way, shape, form or another. While all of the older kids spent a little bit of money on me (us), each one of their gifts were also so personal, so special, and so meaningful (in fact, I'll never forget any of them). But when it came time for me to open Poppy's gift, she excitedly pulled it out from under the tree, wrapped with used, crinkly paper and a ton of scotch tape. Just looking at the wrapping job warmed my heart and I knew something special was behind that artful creation. It was heavy for its size, and I couldn't imagine what was inside. After peeling away different corners of multiple layers of tape, I finally got to the paper part and tore a whole in it so I could peer behind the layers of wrapping. I looked at Poppy and said, "What in the world have you got for Daddy?" She smiled with a twinkle in her eye and said, "You never know." Of course, you know, and now I know that it was the thing that I love the most in the world. Yes, it was an old, tattered Bible of Victoria's, one that Poppy found laying around and decided that, when she saw it, she was going to give me the thing that I love most in life. I was a little choked up inside (and so was Victoria) while I hugged Poppy and told her that I couldn't love anything more. She was so proud of herself.

While praying this morning about something I might post about next, this story came immediately to mind. I share it with you because the tenderness of little ones brings us back to the heart of giving. Poppy had nothing to give of her own, but she creatively searched high and low to find on her own the one thing that would mean the most to me. And when she discovered it she found a way to make sure she could satisfy my highest desire. And when I think about what Jesus gave to us, even when we didn't desire it but knowing full, good and well what we needed most, faith to believe in the greatest and most gracious gift of all, Himself, I'm brought to a place where I accept the gift and get all choked up. I didn't entirely know what was behind His gift either, but each day the wrapping paper gets peeled just a little further back and the magnificence of His gift is that much more visible and that much more appreciated.

May we all treasure that which we love most in life, but more importantly may we treasure that which we need most in life.

Post Christmas Reflections,

It's Over, but Not Really

Today is a bit of a jarring day for us Kruggel's. We suppose it's that way for many. All of the anticipation, all of the hoopla, all of the fanfare, all of the excitement, all of the togetherness, all of the laughter, all of the coziness, and all of the family that gathers and gathered around our Holidays are gone. They're over. A very, very early morning rise, drive and drop-off at the airport for Austin & Meagan moments ago poignantly signaled the end of it. And now with sorrowful hearts we all go back to the familiar. For Willow, it's a house with a lot fewer siblings to tickle and throw her over their shoulders, not to mention that her best friend and big sister Poppy heads out for school for 3 and 1/2 hours a day (this morning, she asked her Mommy, "When's Poppy coming home?"). For Poppy, it's back to kindergarten and coming home to fewer voices that will say "Hi, my little Pop-Tart". For Piper, it's heading off to Junior High, pounding through mounds of homework (all in English, mind you) and having fewer of those that care for her most lovingly jab at her English while she lovingly jabs at our dozen or so sorry Mandarin sayings. For Barret, the tenderness of tradition and sentimentality of the season is now a memory, and the pressures of peers, the future and a workload will weigh heavy upon him. For Annie, she now heads into one of her last and most difficult quarters of collegiate studies, constantly thinking of all the requirements while at the same time wondering what her life after college might hold. For Meagan, it's the search for rewarding investments of her Creator crafted gifts and separation from her best of California friends. For Austin, it's the tearing away from family, and also friends, asking God to give him a clear vision for his and Meagan's future. For Victoria, it's the motherly load of physically, but even more so mentally, caring for all her chicks regardless of whether they live in the nest or not. And for Tom, it's the continuation of "bringing home the bacon" and walking through a door at the conclusion of a long day to a quieter household, even though a half dozen seems like a lot but now really isn't.

It all sounds so negative, but really it isn't. Today and its varied emotions are yet another reminder that God fearfully and wonderfully made us. So much so that we need each other and the comforts of family and the familiar, just as our Lord, Jesus and the Spirit have always had the familial of one another. What was it like for God to be separated from His Son, and for Jesus to be separated from His Father while incarnate? In a very real sense they were not apart, but yet in another they were. Why, Jesus now sits at the right hand of the Father. You can't get much closer than that. But He wasn't sitting there while walking the earth those 33-plus years. Did He feel back then what we feel today? Did He long to be reunited, never to be separated again? We suspect He did. In fact, the Bible tells us so.

There's something about knowing that the One who loves us most felt what we feel most today, and there's comfort in that. There's also comfort in knowing that it ought not be this way, and that there will be a day when it will be like this no more. So, today, we give thanks for what we had with our children over the last two weeks, and we give thanks for what we feel right now, and we give thanks that we won't always have to feel this way.

Longing to be reunited, once and for all,

From "Growing" a Family to "Giving" a Family

Poppy's 6!!! Boo hoo!!! At our age and in our culture most might consider this to be cause for celebration, and a celebration it was last night, but there's something about this little girl and her growing up that brings cause for pause with hope springing eternal that she'll never change. (We suppose most parents feel this way about their all-too-fast growing children.) But Poppy's the first of what would forever change us "original" five Kruggel's (Victoria, Austin, Annie, Barret & Tom) from "growing" a family to "giving" a family. And that's significant for us because we're not naturally inclined to extend, but rather to retreat, keeping to ourselves. And because Poppy is so easy to love, she made it easy for us to consider loving more by giving more. Poppy needed a family and we didn't, or so we thought. Willow needed a family and we didn't, or so we thought. Piper needed a family and we didn't, or so we thought. And thus our growing family birthed from giving a family. Had Poppy been anyone other than Qing Zu Qiao, perhaps Willow would have remained Wu Hui Xuan, and perhaps Piper would have remained Li Xiao Qian. Instead they're Kruggel's now.

God knew and knows our frailty and weaknesses far more than us (which is a frightening thing to consider), but by giving us our sweet little Poppy-Flower He grew an inward love in us that allowed not only Poppy, but Willow, Piper, and now even Austin, Meagan, Annie, Barret, Victoria and Tom to give an outward love. Going around the table last night during our special dinner with Poppy, we (all 8 of us, including Austin, Meagan & Annie) continued with our tradition of sharing one special thing we love about our Birthday recipient, and for Poppy this is what we said about her:

• "She's one of the sweetest, most tender-hearted people we know."
• "She's one of the most giving people we know."
• "She's one to freely love and show appreciation."
• "She's one to be a big-helper when you need it most."
• "She's one to love her little sister, and big siblings too, in selfless ways."
• "She's one of the most sensitive little souls we know."
  

These words hardly do justice to what we see and experience in Poppy on a regular basis. For those of you that know her, then you can resonate with all of this. And listen, this little girl is far from perfect (we all know that) - she's a sinner and believe us when we write that it's a pretty ugly scene when that comes out. But these things we said about her last night are reasons why Poppy's so easy to love, and these are reasons why we celebrate. And these are also reasons why we never want her to change.

("Thank you, Poppy. And thank you, Jesus, for allowing us to have her for awhile.")

Slowly moving from a growing family to a giving family,

The "Comment" of All Comments

Just a few days before Christmas we posted about our internal struggle to blog, the sharing of personal joys and sorrows through social media networking (link below).

http://willowsway1.blogspot.com/2010/12/our-silence.html

No sooner had we posted our thoughts and someone anonymously wrote a comment that lifted our spirits, causing us to now post for our second time since then. When we received the comment we wrote back to the sender, but we're quite sure it's probably floating around somewhere out there in cyberspace because the address was listed with a "noreply" in its contents. Our response was to most of all thank her for sharing her story, and what an inspiring one it was, but also to ask permission to post her thoughts below. So, we're taking a little bit of a risk by proceeding to share her reply below not knowing whether it's acceptable or not since we never really heard back from her. Since the comment is open for all to read, we're going to assume that it's O. K., and re-post below. What we want to draw your attention to is not the encouragement to write or blog, but more the encouragement to do what she and her husband (and family) are doing - to sacrifice for the sake of their love for Jesus.

I just wanted to let you know how much your posts mean to me. My husband has not attended church on a regular basis in 11 years due to his job. Of course this hurt his relationship with the Lord and interfered with his role as the leader of our household. I sent him a post you wrote and it changed my husband forever. Through your post, the Lord spoke to my husband and he now strives each and every day to put Christ first and to lead our family the way God intended. He has quit his job and is now working as a school teacher in the inner city AND attending church with us each Sunday and Wednesday. We are currently in the processes of selling our home so that we can move closer to the community he teaches in so that we as a family can be a mentor to these children. So thank you for your posts it has impacted our lives in a way that is just simply mind boggling. Thanks for being such a wonderful Christian mentor. You touch more lives than you know:)

If, for whatever reason, our post here is presumptuous and offensive to the original writer, then we'll gladly remove this upon notice. Otherwise, may we all place ourselves in places that cost us something because that's what love does and that's what love is. May we all "live lives that demand an explanation" (Francis Chan).

Humbled and encouraged,

What a Christmas 2010 Has Been!!!

It's hard for us to think of Christmas as just one day when the entire year feels so much like Christmas so much of the time. What we mean is that Jesus is everything to us, and while the fanfare that we typically feel around the Holidays isn't always present in our spirits (which isn't what Christmas is about anyway), we rest in peace that we're showered by His gifts on a constant basis. In fact, we only see and know a fraction of them, and if we could peel back all of the hindrances that prevent us from knowing them all we're sure we could not be able to handle the overflow of abundance made real to us. Nevertheless, we ask to see Him more, know Him more, experience Him more, and to love Him more even though He's given when we don't deserve it.

The little update below is the letter we issued to friends and family by mail, and gives a brief insight into how we feel Jesus has gifted us Kruggel's this year. While it's hard to read in its small-print present form, if you click (or double-click) on each page then they should enlarge (at least they do on our computer), making them much easier on the eyes.

Merry Christmas,

Our Silence

I've been a little bashful, hesitant if you will, about posting lately. Obvious, of course, if you've recently checked our blog only to see that there's really nothing new there. There's always something new in our lives, just like yours, but I constantly wrestle with whether it's worthy of writing about so others might read, see and know. There's a part of me (a part of us, I suppose) that often asks in the back of my (our) mind(s) before any post is posted, "Should I really write this and expose it for all to see? After all, is there really anything that special, that unique about us Kruggel's that would warrant drawing attention to?" I believe the answer is simple, "No, there isn't." Victoria reads numerous blogs about families and lives that are far more intriguing and exhilarating than ours. Quite frankly, many of those lives revive our spirits and cause us to want to love all the more. And that's what makes this social media stuff so interesting and at the same time puts me in kind of a quandary. Truth be known, I (we Kruggel's) don't really desire a bunch of eyes elevated in our direction. Yet at the same time we live in community with you and you're a part of us. I guess we should all be concerned about how we live our lives because to the extent any of us are not living as designed then we're not healthy and holy together.

If only I could convey better in words what we wish for more than anything else, that Jesus be seen and we vanish. The ugly part of me wants to be lifted up and the focus of attention, but the new heart transplanted inside of me wants Jesus to be the focus of attention. This is the good tension that I wrestle with everyday, and the tension that keeps me from writing and posting on a more frequent basis. Sure we're busy and there isn't enough time in a day, but that's not the real reason behind our silence. (Besides, everyone is busy, which is part of our problem, isn't it?)

I had to go back and look at a blog post we made on April 14th, 2010 to refresh my memory about why we do this, blog. I've added a link here directly to that post so it's easy to reference if you're at all interested in reading it again: http://willowsway1.blogspot.com/2010/04/why-do-we-blog.html. I'm glad I re-read it because is fired up my engines again to find ways to draw our eyes to Jesus and divert them away from us.

I guess we'll try to keep this thing going after all,

Broken Hearts

I'm so glad that God created hearts that break. Mines broken right now and, in a very strange way, I'm thankful it is. I'm sitting in the International Terminal of the San Francisco Airport, on my way again to the other side of the world, China. While leaving the house this morning and hugging all my children there (Barret, Piper, Poppy & Willow), and then squeezing my love, Victoria, in the front seat of our car, I felt that feeling no one wants to feel, but in way you do. Good-byes are hard, separation is unnatural, and distance isn't welcome in the human spirit. That was all too evident in our household today as most of us held back tears while waving "so long" and at the same time saying "I'll miss you". Imagine what it would be like if when we left the ones we loved it was just merely a "so long" without the heartache, or never saying "I'll miss you" because you really won't. That would be a sad state of affairs, that would be numbness, that would be inhumane.

So, while they just called up my flight to Shanghai over the loudspeaker system, my heart is crying out loud "I'll miss you", "I love you", and "I want to come home".

"Thank you, God, for hearts that break."