Dog-Paddling

I vividly remember as a young child wanting so bad to learn how to swim. But, I was afraid of the water. Most of my friends and relatives could swim, but being the cautious one that I was I just couldn't bring myself to jump in with both feet or let go of the edge of the pool. My Dad and others would stand in the shallow end and urge me on with confident reminders that they would not let me drown but would catch me if I'd only trust them to do so. I was ashamed of my fear and would often sit by the side of the water watching while all the other children, many of which were much younger than me, laugh, splash and play in the pool like they were fish. Eventually, one day, my Dad stood where he always stood near the pool's edge waiting and patiently pleading with me to push off the wall and glide the two feet it took to reach his arms. As promised, he embraced me and shouted with glee, "He did it!" Everyone clapped. I was so proud, and from then on out I inched my way at further distances from the pool's ledge while my Dad caught me and also taught me how to dog paddle. He was true to his promise, and I learned to love to swim like all the others.

In our adoption of Xiao Qian, Victoria and I now find ourselves at the in between stage of settling in as a family. We're between the pool's edge and the one waiting to catch us with open arms. Believe us when we tell you that we're in uncharted waters, and they're deep and we don't know how to swim to our rescuer. In one sense we feel with confident assurance Jesus gently nudging our backs with His fingers and pleading to loose our hands from the safety of land. We've let go and committed to go to our next point of safety. And in another sense, we can see His face on our front side, with a big smile on it, standing with open arms ready to grab us just before we sink. But there's a little bit of gasping, a little bit of feverish scurrying about in the water, and we're swallowing some water. Austin and Meagan must go home, Barret must go back to school, I must go back to work, and Victoria must stay home and manage the household with a stranger, really, someone that we already love and will grow to love more, but someone that we've only known now for two weeks. It's a scary place, and it's the place we knew long before this moment arrived that we would find ourselves in. As Victoria and I spoke about this last night, we cried together because we knew life as we formerly knew it would never be the same. Some reading this might think, "Well, you ought to be rejoicing." We are rejoicing, but we're also frightened that we're going to fail, that we're not going to be able to meet Xiao Qian's needs, that we're not going to be able to meet all of our other children's needs, and that we're even not going to be able to meet one another's needs. I don't know how else to describe this but to state that we're desperately reaching out to Jesus' welcoming arms and yelling, "Don't let us drown." We know he'll catch us, but knowing and experiencing those moments right before He does puts knots in our stomachs. Fact is, His hands are already under our bellies, we just can't feel them right now. All He's asking us to do is kick the next kick and paddle the next paddle.

So today we do that. Barret's off to school, I'm off to work, and Austin and Meagan are off to Colorado where they live. I dropped them off at the curb's edge of the airport and wept on Austin's shoulder as I said "Good-bye". I told him I was so proud of him and Meagan, that I couldn't thank him enough, and whispered in his ear, "You're a good son." I then hugged Meagan good-bye and also thanked her again. Our bond as a family is tighter now than it was before we left for China, evidence of His open arms of safety that we must remind ourselves of when we think we're sinking.

Our weekend was sweet, relaxed, fun and crowded (but good). The immaculate house that Meagan created before we returned looked like a bomb went off in it (Austin said it looked like two bombs went off). Again, the disarray feels like we're sinking, but we're actually swimming and getting closer to feeling safe again. The pictures below are just a few from our fun weekend, and even more reminders that He's there with open arms.








Dog paddling to Jesus,