What a Christmas 2010 Has Been!!!

It's hard for us to think of Christmas as just one day when the entire year feels so much like Christmas so much of the time. What we mean is that Jesus is everything to us, and while the fanfare that we typically feel around the Holidays isn't always present in our spirits (which isn't what Christmas is about anyway), we rest in peace that we're showered by His gifts on a constant basis. In fact, we only see and know a fraction of them, and if we could peel back all of the hindrances that prevent us from knowing them all we're sure we could not be able to handle the overflow of abundance made real to us. Nevertheless, we ask to see Him more, know Him more, experience Him more, and to love Him more even though He's given when we don't deserve it.

The little update below is the letter we issued to friends and family by mail, and gives a brief insight into how we feel Jesus has gifted us Kruggel's this year. While it's hard to read in its small-print present form, if you click (or double-click) on each page then they should enlarge (at least they do on our computer), making them much easier on the eyes.

Merry Christmas,

Our Silence

I've been a little bashful, hesitant if you will, about posting lately. Obvious, of course, if you've recently checked our blog only to see that there's really nothing new there. There's always something new in our lives, just like yours, but I constantly wrestle with whether it's worthy of writing about so others might read, see and know. There's a part of me (a part of us, I suppose) that often asks in the back of my (our) mind(s) before any post is posted, "Should I really write this and expose it for all to see? After all, is there really anything that special, that unique about us Kruggel's that would warrant drawing attention to?" I believe the answer is simple, "No, there isn't." Victoria reads numerous blogs about families and lives that are far more intriguing and exhilarating than ours. Quite frankly, many of those lives revive our spirits and cause us to want to love all the more. And that's what makes this social media stuff so interesting and at the same time puts me in kind of a quandary. Truth be known, I (we Kruggel's) don't really desire a bunch of eyes elevated in our direction. Yet at the same time we live in community with you and you're a part of us. I guess we should all be concerned about how we live our lives because to the extent any of us are not living as designed then we're not healthy and holy together.

If only I could convey better in words what we wish for more than anything else, that Jesus be seen and we vanish. The ugly part of me wants to be lifted up and the focus of attention, but the new heart transplanted inside of me wants Jesus to be the focus of attention. This is the good tension that I wrestle with everyday, and the tension that keeps me from writing and posting on a more frequent basis. Sure we're busy and there isn't enough time in a day, but that's not the real reason behind our silence. (Besides, everyone is busy, which is part of our problem, isn't it?)

I had to go back and look at a blog post we made on April 14th, 2010 to refresh my memory about why we do this, blog. I've added a link here directly to that post so it's easy to reference if you're at all interested in reading it again: http://willowsway1.blogspot.com/2010/04/why-do-we-blog.html. I'm glad I re-read it because is fired up my engines again to find ways to draw our eyes to Jesus and divert them away from us.

I guess we'll try to keep this thing going after all,

Broken Hearts

I'm so glad that God created hearts that break. Mines broken right now and, in a very strange way, I'm thankful it is. I'm sitting in the International Terminal of the San Francisco Airport, on my way again to the other side of the world, China. While leaving the house this morning and hugging all my children there (Barret, Piper, Poppy & Willow), and then squeezing my love, Victoria, in the front seat of our car, I felt that feeling no one wants to feel, but in way you do. Good-byes are hard, separation is unnatural, and distance isn't welcome in the human spirit. That was all too evident in our household today as most of us held back tears while waving "so long" and at the same time saying "I'll miss you". Imagine what it would be like if when we left the ones we loved it was just merely a "so long" without the heartache, or never saying "I'll miss you" because you really won't. That would be a sad state of affairs, that would be numbness, that would be inhumane.

So, while they just called up my flight to Shanghai over the loudspeaker system, my heart is crying out loud "I'll miss you", "I love you", and "I want to come home".

"Thank you, God, for hearts that break."

February 22, 2005

I was combing through some e-mails today trying to clear out a few of the over 6,000 unread items in my "In-Box", and I happened upon this one from Annie that was written on February 22, 2005, just two days after our Lord placed the concept of adoption (for the very first time) on our hearts, and just one day after Annie and I spent the day in the City (of San Francisco) talking, praying and giddy with excitement about adoption. I'm so glad I saved it, reminding me of how miracles start and now seeing, years later, what they blossom into.

"Hello Dad!

Just wanted to let you know real quick what Austin said last night on the phone after you were in bed...i told him what we were thinking about and he was honestly totally excited!!! i am serious! i said, "Austin...so what do you think about all this?" and he was like, "i think this is awesome...i would totally be up for this...what a neat and exciting idea for outreach, i will keep praying Annie, and keep me posted!" isn't that cool? Austin is never like that about those kind of things so i have to say that i was shocked when i heard him say that! anyway dad, please....can we keep looking into this? I'm thinking about it a lot today as well...and i just want to keep considering it OK? thanks so much for our fun day yesterday together in the city...i had a blast! i love you so much...email me back if you can, OK? bye!

Your Daughter,

Annie"

---

Thank you, Annie, and we love you. You and Barret (& Austin) were such an inspiration to help make the impossible possible.

The Cry of the Orphan

The President of Focus on the Family, John Daly, posted a video about orphan care in 2007. With the help of some friends, I stumbled upon it and found it very inspirational. Take a few minutes, watch and listen. It just takes one to reach out. It just takes one to make a difference.

http://icareaboutorphans.org/jimdaly.aspx

If you have time, you'll also want to check out this short one (includes Francis Chan and Steven Curtis Chapman):

http://www.cryoftheorphan.org/Videos.aspx

Warmly in Christ,

New Mercies

The other day I walked into this room (the "girls' room), like I do most every morning after I wake up and take my shower, and stumbled upon this scene. The view was familiar with the ever so slight smell of bodies snuggled together, and the temperature mixed with body heat amidst the cool Fall air. They must have heard me walk in. My presence, combined with the dim overhead chandelier light and the new rising sun, and with ten hours of sleep behind them caused their little black-haired heads to bobble moving too and fro. Xiao Qian was cocooned in her down comforter just inches from her Mei Mei's - another black haired head peering out from the top of the fabric. I just stood there for a moment and soaked it all in, giggling to myself as they all began to open their eyes, rubbing their hands to them and making little groaning noises.

This happens almost every morning in households all across the globe. But this time, for me, it was a blaring reminder in the dawn of a new day that "His mercies are new every morning".

I love our life,

Lift Up Our Eyes

Isn't it incredible how God created us to enjoy music? We mean, He could have created us in such a way that melodies and harmonies didn't resonate with us. But, music is a universal language. It may have different rhythms, tones and so forth in different cultures, even subcultures, but all of mankind identifies with music.

Even so, some people tend to gravitate to music more than others, and sometimes certain songs hit a chord for us like none other. Recently we've learned that Poppy really feels close to God when she hears certain Christian music, so Victoria likes to turn on music while in the car. The songs have to be upbeat and a little driving, with the lyrics clearly articulated. She seems to particularly like Matt Redman, and songs like "Blessed Be the Name". From one of Matt Redman's recent CD's, we happened upon a song that Poppy's really gravitated toward, and that's "You Alone Can Rescue". What's really cool is to listen to her sing along with the song, and you can tell she's sort of in a trance (in a good way), as if she were communing with Him. It's so sweet to watch (this is a picture of her in her car seat singing along with Matt Redman).

Speaking of resonating with certain lyrics, Victoria's also been touched by the bridge to that song:

"We lift up our eyes,

Lift up our eyes,

You're the giver of life."

Lifting up our eyes to the giver of life,

Our Leaf Will Not Wither

I'm kind of in a writing mood these days, as evidenced by my fourth consecutive post in as many days. I don't know, the Lord has just given me this boost of love for my family that was recently sparked by reading "Choosing to SEE" (previous post). "Thank you Mary Beth Chapman!" Nothing significant here, other than love, except that I wanted to post these three pictures (below) of our sweet little Pop-Tart. The girls and I went on a walk this weekend because it was a beautiful Fall day here on Saturday. Victoria was out for the afternoon, and Barret wasn't feeling well, so it was just the four of us. Sometimes it's a challenge to figure out how we're going to spend meaningful time together that caters to all age groups (from 4 to 18) - not an easy task. But because Xiao Qian is so amenable to just about anything, she flexes between the older and the younger incredibly well. I decided we were going to collect colorful Fall leaves (each had their own bag), bring them home and do an easy craft (I'm really not very crafty). When we got back we put the leaves on the table, placed a piece of paper over them, and then lightly colored uniformly with pencil or crayon to draw out the variegation and outline of each leaf. I remember doing this as a kid and thought it was pretty cool. The sketches turned out great, but I felt they were a little incomplete so I hearkened back to Psalm 1 and told the girls that if they stay rooted in the Word of God, the Bible, their leaf would not wither like those we collected. We wrote that verse on the papers and plan to send them out to family. Poppy remembered the verse later on that evening (she's got such a good mind), and we repeated it throughout the rest of the day. Sounds pretty "spiritual", but understand this was an unusual spurt of ingenuity. The Spirit? Guess we saw Jesus that day.

How blessed is the man that who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
Nor stand in the path of sinners,
Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
And he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,
Which yields its fruit in its season,
And its leaf does not wither,
And in whatever he does, he prospers.

(Psalm 1:1-3)

Enjoy the pics!

Poppy's doing what we might typically find Willow doing... being a monkey and hanging off a tree.

The girls can get the best of one another, but most of the time they're really pretty good buds. Couldn't resist snapping this shot.

Isn't t that a cool tree? Forget the tree! Isn't that an adorable little cherub from China?

An un-withered leaf... today,

Dis-Appointments or Divine Appointments?

[This is a recent article I wrote for our local church newsletter about a week ago that I thought I would also post here.]

I was recently released from a dark dungeon of despair. It was lonely and cold in there. Not surprising. Prisons are designed to be that way. I don’t ever want to go back again. Who would? No one relishes those places. And as much as I don’t want this newsletter article to be about me, I want it to be about not being me. You see, I’ve had to lately let go of some things that I love and I’ve allowed that to thrust me into the catacombs. A few of those things are tangible, but in the end they’re all intangible – dreams if you will. Rather than focus on the particulars of what those are, which really don’t matter, I’d rather focus on the response. Chances are pretty good that I will one day find myself standing before the gate of such a cellar again. We all will.

Victoria (my wife) and I have come to the not-so-revelatory conclusion that with the passage of time come increased risks of disappointments. Disappointments because visions of the future and what they might be are painted very early in life. And then, when our God-given course of life actually has a landscape that’s carved into a very different reality, grave discontent can set in. Those realities have a vast array of appearances. Perhaps it’s a job that, even in our wildest imaginations, we never thought we would be doing. Maybe it’s a relationship that looks nothing like what it initially seemed to promise. It could be family members that are unexpectedly struggling in school, in marriage, or in health. The list of possible imaginings verses actualities is endless. Nobody longs for these dichotomies. Nobody intentionally maps out a course of life only to tear it up and move in the exact opposite direction, the one that was originally trying to be avoided. My recent and misguided response to these redirects is what I want to write about in brief, and also how God has redirected my reaction to the redirects.

We’ve all been very well taught here at Grace Bible Church - that we fall under the supreme rule of Almighty God (cf. Psalm 47:8; Psalm 115:3). In my most recent crisis (and I use that term very loosely) I’ve had several remind me of His absolute authority. But that truism and its verbal repetition by well intentioned kinfolk seem to recently fall short of assuaging my disappointments, disappointments that (to confess) have led to occasional bitterness. While my head knows Him to sit on high, my heart can beat for another that sits much lower… me. In other words, I claim pseudo-sovereignty, a condition (and big word) of having the appearance of being sovereign but in actuality it’s a sham of sovereignty. I’m fooling no one but myself. And in those moments when I assume a role that I was never intended to have, my discontented disappointment usurps contentment in a divine appointment. When you get right down to it, I choose to no longer believe the plans of my LORD, ones that He crafted from long ago, and ones that He’s never forgotten – plans that are for welfare and not calamity, plans for a future and a hope (cf. Jeremiah 29:11). I choose to no longer believe that Jesus rules over all things (cf. Ephesians 1:20-23). I choose to blow a hole in my gospel, and that gaping hole cuts a gorge between the whole of life abundant – grace that decimates what I think is best and grace that cooperates in what He knows is best.

This tension can be difficult for us followers of Jesus because we must always believe that there is no happenstance (cf. Proverbs 16:33), even in hardship, and at the same time believe that God pronounces Himself to be always in the business of doing good (cf. Romans 8:28-30). When we fail to press into this full spectrum of gospel grace and also hold these tensions in proper balance, all of life can become catawampus – feeling like a prisoner when in truth we’re free (cf. John 8:32). So to stabilize myself (ourselves) between feeling disappointed and trusting in God’s divine appointment, I record here just three of His redirects to my (our) misdirects:

1. The Process Can Be As Meaningful As The Outcome: We people want results. We develop plans with an intended conclusion, and we want to see progress along the way. It’s in our DNA, so to speak. And while the end of all things is of importance to God, the means of getting there is also noteworthy. It, too, is an act of grace that’s under His divine appointment. “The mind of man plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9) Sometimes we get to see the result(s), and sometimes we don’t. Disappointment can be counteracted when we intentionally choose to perceive and believe that it’s the Lord cutting a swath through our jungle-of-life, even when it’s on a route that’s a diversion from the one we charted for ourselves. He’s accomplishing something significant along the way long before we ever arrive – it’s called “becoming-like-Jesus”, the rose of Sharon, the lily of the valleys (cf. Song of Solomon 2:1). In God’s economy, the ends do justify the means.
2. The Letdown Can Be A Catalyst To The Uplift: In our greatest disappointments we’re brought to a lowly place. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” (Proverbs 13:12a) But it’s often in those moments when we feel we’ve lost all control that our greatest dependence is yielded to Him. In a very real sense He has us right where He wants us, right where He’s always wanted us. We’re at a place where we have nowhere else to turn and we relinquish all dominion to its rightful owner. Disappointment can be a bellwether that drives us to our knees, making us “a humble and lowly people,” taking “refuge in the name of the LORD” (Zephaniah 3:12b), the Divine One who appoints a time for everything (cf. Ecclesiastes 3:1). In a very real sense, low can be the new high.
3. The Finale Can Be A Hope Through The Episodes: Although we’re dreamers and schemers, it’s sometimes hard to see beyond the moment when our best laid plans bring disappointment. That’s partly because we can’t see further than the here and now. But is that really the case for us? Hasn’t God given us a glimpse, if even only through a mirror dimly (cf. I Corinthians 13:12a)? Reading ahead feels out of order. However don’t we sort of already know the end of the story? “The end of a matter is much better than its beginning.” (Ecclesiastes 7:8) Revelation is for our revelation, and while it’s a book and even woven throughout The Book, its anticipation brings hope through the beginning and the in between of our most hopeless episodes of life. Easier said than done, especially in the heat of the disappointing scenes, but that’s partly because we forget to remember the finale that’s already been scripted (cf. Philippians 3:12-4:1). Of us our finale is promised, "They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore; neither shall the sun beat down on them, nor any heat; for the Lamb in the center of the throne shall be their shepherd, and shall guide them to springs of the water of life; and God shall wipe every tear from their eyes.” (Revelation 7:16-17) Jesus’ apparent disorder is perfect order, when the last becomes our first.

Dis-appointments or divine-appointments? You choose. I choose. God’s chosen.

No So Stinky Stink-Eye

We just had to post this picture of our little Willow-tree hanging off a tree (swing). She looks pretty adorable here... kind of innocent, if you know what we mean. But it always amazes us, still, that such a stinking cute little thing can be such a stinker. One minute she's got you wrapped around your thumb and the next she's throwing a temper tantrum and seething with the stinkiest stink-eye you've ever seen. We know we're supposed to abhor sin, and deep down we do, but even when she's naughty we sometimes just have to snicker. If you've ever had young children we're sure you know what we mean. But let there be no misunderstanding, she can get the best of us.

We love her so,

A New Song

Yesterday the Lord put a new song in my heart. It came in the most unexpected and unplanned way. I've found that's often the way He works. While waiting to come home from a business trip to North Carolina, I stood in an airport bookstore browsing through some reading material. I had over a five hour flight ahead of me. Just as I was about to run out of time, I happened upon a book entitled "Choosing to SEE" by Mary Beth Chapman. I had heard of it from a review in World Magazine and it sort of caught my eye back then. The longer I stood there, the harder I felt the tug to buy it, on impulse. It's very unlike me pay full price for something I know I could get for half the cost, and also not do a lot more research on it before purchasing. Sounds pretty calculating for such a tiny thing, and that's the way I am (drives Victoria crazy). I also wasn't sure I wanted to go there, where the Chapman's have been, so up close and personal. I knew part of the story, and also knew that it was a heartbreak. So, after standing there for five full minutes contemplating my small purchase, I felt a still, small voice inside of me saying "Just buy it! What could you lose?" I was convinced that pull was from the Spirit, so after laying down $20+ dollars I left and walked to the gate with new book in tow.

After finding my seat on the airplane, I got settled and immediately opened it to begin reading. My heart was pounding because I knew I was about to be profoundly moved by this family that the Lord directly used to bring Victoria and me to a place where we would be changed forever by adoption. If you don't know their story, I won't tell you now... you'll have to read the book for yourself. I barely got through the first small chapter and I couldn't hold back the tears from dropping onto my cheeks. I stayed glued to it the entire flight. At moments I laughed, but most of the time I wept in my heart, with occasional precipitation falling from the visual orifices on my face. The brutal honesty of pain and suffering, sin and failure, guilt and its eroding power was strangely refreshing to read and sorrowfully difficult to swallow. Yet at the same time the stripping away of everything, to the point where all you have to hold on to is Jesus, showed the power of His love to overcome anything, even death itself. I'm still in recovery mode as I reel from this story and play it over and over and over again in my mind. But I'm recovering not from the effects of the book, but from the passivity of my faith in the shallowest depths of despair by way of comparison. And that's why I have a new song in my heart, because I see more clearly that the simplicity of allowing Jesus to be my all in all within all is the joy He promised and freely offers. I know that may sound like a bunch of Christian-ese, and I'm sorry if my words cannot fully convey the depth of what Jesus has to offer, but that's always been a notable difference between us - God is God and I am not.

Today I looked at my family through a different lens. I've worn those lenses before, but my vision's been impaired with age. It's really not that much different than growing old in my physical body (I need to get my glasses prescription renewed again). But that's not the way God wants His children, regardless of their chronological age, to spiritually age. I've allowed the enemy to defeat me in so many ways. I've given him a foothold, so to speak. But not today. Today, in Jesus, I held my children differently. I thought of them differently. I disciplined them differently. I prayed for them differently. I played with them differently. I thought of them differently. I talked to them differently. I lived differently, choosing to see Jesus in every moment, and not waiting to see Him in the special moments. And you know what? He showed up. I saw Him in the smiles of my kids, the voice of my wife, the tears of the little girls after discipline, the busyness of life in my Annie-girl, the physical pain of my son Austin, and the needs of Barret.

The Chapman's may never know, until we hug in heaven, what the Lord's done in the lives of us Kruggel's through their faithfulness. Their faith has become our joy, and their suffering has become our blessing. Odd how God works. I would have never orchestrated it this way, but then it would have never turned out that way.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a song of praise to our God;

Many will see and fear

And will trust in the Lord.

(Psalm 40:3)

Choosing to SEE,

Adoption "Season" for Evangelicals

We continue to be a little flabbergasted that the WALL STREET JOURNAL posts articles like the one linked below. But make no mistake about it, we're thrilled and grateful:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703743504575494263102089970.html

Two things by way of editorial comment:

1. It's always adoption season for true evangelicals (those who treasure Jesus), in spite of the title of the article. That doesn't mean all Christians adopt, but it does mean that we followers of Jesus care for orphans in their distress (cf. James 1:27).
2. There's a pondering thought at the end of the second to last paragraph which states, "... one wonders how these evangelical adoptive parents overcome their own desire for control, bring a stranger into their home, and then take responsibility for raising him." Answer ~ This is a spiritual thing, a work of the Spirit. And the irony of it all is that it's not a desire for control because that was relinquished to the King at the moment we said we no longer wanted control.

Thank you WALL STREET JOURNAL for helping to make ~147,000,000 orphans more than just a number,

A Picture Post

Since we haven't made a post in awhile, we thought it might be nice to just attach a few shots of our family over the last few weeks. A picture is worth a thousand words and, thus, you'll get a better glimpse of the Kruggel-household of late by looking rather than reading.

Austin recently had surgery and Victoria went out to be with him, Meagan and the Kirkpatrick's. Meagan stayed by Austin's side the entire time and spent the night there every evening. Here they are, still as cute as ever.

That's right! Tom's holding a ticket to Game #2 of the World Series, compliments of his boss and partner. How generous is that?

It never really quite set in that Tom was actually at Game #2 of the World Series. Here he is with other fellow Hines colleagues.

Couldn't resist carving a pumpkin to show our team spirit. Victoria's Mao-tou-ying (owl) was a favorite in the family pumpkin-carving contest this year.

Having never carved a pumpkin before, Piper did quite well (one on the left). Willow's in the middle, and Poppy's on the right (Barret was out that night - boo hoo).

Wilow's becoming a Giant's fan (actually, not really - she hasn't got a clue what's going on, nor does she seem to care).

Here's Barret trying to play Xiao Qian's violin. He's much better at guitar. We think he'll stick with that.

Poppy asked Victoria the other day, "If the Giants win the World-Serious, will they be the best in the world?" We may find out tomorrow night. This is very, very serious.

What can we say? Poppy likes noodles, and she's got this chopstick thing down, we're tellin' ya.

On the pain scale, Austin's surgery was a pretty high one, but here he is not long after the operation being his usual, good-spirited self. He's recovering well, and we're all very grateful for our beloved son and our Jesus' grace, mercy and love.

Piper is so dexterous that it amazes us. Tom recently took her to a bow-making workshop with the other girls while Victoria was out of town. She made this incredible Fall-bow in a jiffy. She loves this stuff.

This is Tom being Tom right before Halloween. Xiao Qian thinks he's "fengla" (crazy) and is fresh bait for his silly gestures that no one laughs at anymore except Piper.

This picture quality isn't the best (phone-mail foto), but here's our sweet Annie-girl showing off her new scarf that Tom brought back from his recent trip to China. She's so cute.

Victoria & I are surprised by how few "firsts" there are for Piper when it comes to new and different experiences from those while living in China. Dressing up like fairy princesses and politely asking for candy is one that we finally discovered. Here they are - the three Chinese Fairly Princesses.

Thank you for your love, patience, support and encouragement.